


More Than All the Stars

by colormyheartred



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Christmas, Constellations, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Soulmates, Winter, daddy killian, farmer david, mommy emma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-19 06:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 66,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13698453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colormyheartred/pseuds/colormyheartred
Summary: In a world full of soulmates, Emma Nolan doesn’t know who hers is. Enter Killian Jones, attempting to stop his brother from proposing to his soulmate, only to be thrown a curveball when he’s sent to spend Christmas on a farm with a bunch of strangers. (soulmate modern au)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: Hello, dear friends! I want to preface this with a rather important note. Yes! A new story! And, no! I won't be updating any of my other mcs. Every word about them has been so kind and I feel awful about it, but unfortunately, I have run out of drive for them. I've been so lucky to land a full time job that I love and I stopped watching the show so I don't have any more stamina to write about our favorite pirate and princess.
> 
> However, all for sake of my favorite people in the world- you!- over the past few months, I've spent every moment of my free time- evenings and weekends and even some days sitting at my desk at work typing on my phone- attempting to build one last hurrah to share. It was my goal to make something that could serve as a love letter to thank everyone who's been a friend or acquaintance or just a wonderful reader, as well as a farewell, and with one last burning plot in my head, I came up with this story.
> 
> It's been a fun one to write, and one of my beta's all time favorites to read as well, so I hope you'll enjoy it. If you do, please let me know!
> 
> Without any further ado, here's chapter one.
> 
> All my love,
> 
> Megan

one

There are three universal truths about the way things work.

One - Soulmates exist.

Two - Soulmates are scientifically assigned at birth, interpreted from a birthmark in the pattern of a constellation, and shared with you at nineteen.

Three - Soulmates are a massive waste of time.

When Emma Nolan was born, it was on the side of the freeway in the middle of nowhere, in the backseat of her father’s car at three thirty in the morning.

Her parents weren’t rich by any means, and they still aren’t, running a small farm in a quiet town, so they never brought her to the hospital for an official assignment, instead opting for a doctor friend to make sure she was healthy.

She must be the only person alive, over the age of nineteen, who doesn’t know the exact name, age, and location of her soulmate.

But it’s not the end of the world, not knowing. It just sometimes feels like she’s missing something that seemingly everyone else understands. It’s as if there’s a language all of her friends and family can speak but she hasn’t learned all of the words yet.

When she was eighteen, she thought she met the love of her life, her soulmate, but he ended up being a complete disaster, leaving her heartbroken and alone after two years together.

Case in point, soulmates are a massive waste of time. Mostly.

When she was twenty-one, she met the love of her life in her son, who she named Henry David Nolan.

Her belief in soulmates changed, believing instead that maybe not everyone gets a romantic soulmate, but rather some have one like the one a mother and child share. Not everyone needs to find _true_ love, and maybe she’s one of those people.

She’s twenty-two now, living with her parents and grandmother in their farmhouse while she saves up to move out on her own.

It’s not so bad. She helps run the farm and works the shop they have in town every other day. Her parents help her take care of Henry when she needs it, and it’s nice getting to have family for him to grow up around.

All of her friends from high school have gone off to college or made big life decisions to move away for good, except for a few who remain in Storybrooke, providing her a good outlet for evenings when she’s bored.

One of her closest friends is named Elsa, who is practically engaged to a handsome man she met a few months ago- her soulmate, obviously. His name is Liam Jones and they’ve only met twice in person because Liam lives in England with his father and brother.

She finds Elsa sitting in a corner booth at Granny’s Diner, nursing a mug of something warm.

Emma, bundled up in her winter coat, hat, scarf, and gloves, sighs happily at the introduction of the warm air. She smiles kindly at Granny, the namesake of the diner, from across the room as she makes her way toward Elsa, and pulls her gloves and hat off as soon as she reaches their table.

Her friend must have something on her mind, because she doesn’t immediately react to her presence at the table.

“Oh, Emma,” Elsa smiles, shaking her head. “Sorry, I’m just in a whole other world.”

Emma laughs. “It’s alright.” She sits down and unbuttons her coat. “So, what’s up?”

Elsa smiles wryly, obviously trying to keep a level head about her while she sits there with something monumentally exciting about to spill from her lips.

“Liam is coming to town tomorrow. For two weeks. We’re going to look at land and at available listings and-“ Elsa shakes her head and beams so happily she looks like she might burst. “Emma, it’s happening!”

She knows Elsa’s been waiting for this day to come for a long time. Ever since she started talking to Liam, she’s said how excited she is to get to be with him.

While it’s a feeling Emma doesn’t quite understand, she knows that if she were ever to fall in love, Elsa would show her nothing but respect and equal measures of joy in regard to every step along the way.

Emma smiles and shrugs her shoulders. “Wow, Elsa this is so exciting!”

“I know!” Elsa presses her hands to her cheeks and shakes her head. “I know it hasn’t been very long, but it just feels so right.”

Emma averts her gaze uncomfortably. The only thing that’s ever felt that right was when Henry came into the world and changed her life forever.

“I feel so selfish talking about me so much lately. How are things at home?”

Emma takes a breath and hums. She finds it a little easier to meet Elsa’s gaze.

“Good. Things are good. Nana has decided she’s going to go for a cross country road trip this spring and she asked if I might be interested.” Emma shrugs. “I don’t know. I think I should stick around.”

Elsa tilts her head thoughtfully. “You could go. Your parents love taking care of Henry.”

“No, I know, it’s just…” Emma sighs. “I’m saving money.”

Her friends eyes widen. “Emma Ruth Nolan, are you going to take my advice and see who your soulmate is?”

Her face feels hot. She shakes her head. “Elsa, I don’t want to know…”

“Mhm. In a world full of soulmates, it can’t be easy not knowing who yours is.”

Emma sighs. “I’m happy. I’m happy not knowing. I have Henry. I have my parents and my grandmother.”

“How’s Charlie?” Elsa wonders.

The mention of her younger brother causes Emma to look down at the table briefly. She shakes her head. “He’s fine. He’s happy. How couldn’t he be? He found his soulmate.”

Elsa hums. “And it didn’t end in ruin.”

Emma looks down at the table. She considers chastising her friend for this but instead, they’re interrupted by Granny at the head of the table.

“What can I get you?”

///

The sun has just started setting when Emma climbs out of her car and carries a bag of breakfast pastries up the creaky steps of the porch.

She can hear happy chatter inside, the sweet sound of baby giggles mixed with a warm chuckle from the adults, something that hastens her approach. She hates missing even a few hours with Henry, but some days she has no choice.

Emma opens the screen door and kicks her boots against the side of the house to shake the snow that had gathered in the cracks and clung to the sides. She smiles breathlessly as she opens the door with the tasteful wreath hanging in the middle to find everyone gathered, laughing at Henry as he rides the dog through the kitchen.

In the instant that the door opens, Henry’s attention goes directly to her and a grin splits his face in two.

“Mama!”

She gasps. “Hi, baby!”

Looking up, she finds her mother ready to accept the breakfast pastries. She has an excited grin on her face, the kind she wears when she has a secret she can’t wait to spill. “Emma, Charlie called. He’s coming home in time for Christmas.”

She slips out of her coat after pulling her hat, scarf, and mittens off. Emma’s eyes widen. “Oh?”

“He’s bringing Hannah.” her father adds from his spot at the kitchen island, where he’s chopping something that they’ll be having at dinner.

“It’ll be nice to see her again.” Emma takes her boots off and flexes her toes after stepping off of the slightly damp doormat and onto the hardwood floor.

She smiles down at her son, who has climbed off of Wilby the herding dog, instead holding onto her legs tightly. He giggles through his paci, one of Emma’s most favorite things. She kneels down and takes him into her arms before standing again.

With her lips against Henry’s forehead, she takes his fingers into her hand and then leans her cheek against his soft hair.

She crosses the room to the dining table where her grandmother sits with a book.

“Hey, Nana.” Emma says in greeting before leaving a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

Affectionately, her grandmother smiles at her, “Emma. Hi, sweetheart. How was your day?”

“It was good.” Emma smiles. She turns to look at her parents, finding them side-by-side in the kitchen, laughing with one another and bumping each other’s hips. “How was Henry? Not too bad, I hope.”

“Oh, no,” Grandma Ruth shakes her head. “He was an angel as always.”

Emma kisses her son’s cheek before he settles it against her collarbone and snuggles in close. Her heart swells warmly and she rests her cheek against his head.

Swaying just a little, Emma stands beside her grandmother as her father announces, “Emma, we’re having your favorite grilled cheese and homemade tomato soup for dinner.”

“Mmhm!” Nana pounds the table with delight. “I can hardly stand the wait!”

Emma and her parents laugh. She shifts Henry’s weight on her hip. “Okay, well, I have to change, so I’ll be down in ten.”

“Oh, Emma,” her mother says just as she’s about to leave the room. “You got another one today.”

Her heart sinks and she groans a little as her mother hands her the letter still sealed in its envelope.

“I don’t know why I ever told anyone I’m without a soulmate in a world full of them.” Emma’s voice comes out just slightly bitter, although she didn’t mean it to be.

Nana laughs. “When I was your age, it was a game of connect the dots. Young people these days have it so much easier than in ages past.” Her grandmother tosses a hand at her and lays on classic Grandma Ruth wisdom with kindness in her eyes, “If I could do it, then you can too, Emma. You don’t have to listen to these modern day instant gratifiers.”

Emma’s mother sighs and rubs Emma’s arm gently. “When we decided we wouldn’t take you for pattern cataloging, it wasn’t meant to hurt you. At least this way, you can find love for love and not… just because some piece of paper says it’s love.”

While Emma’s heard both women tell her the same thing time and time again, especially with the disaster that had been her life at eighteen.

“I’m not worried,” Emma says, tilting her eyebrows inward slightly. “I’ve given up on trying. If it’s going to happen, it’ll happen.” She squeezes Henry tighter. “I’ve got my little North Star and that’s all that matters.”

Without another word, Emma takes her leave. She turns the corner in the living room that goes to the private set of stairs that lead to her and Henry’s shared attic bedroom.

Grandma Ruth used to live up here while Emma was growing up, but then she had a fall that resulted in her bedroom being moved across the hall from her parents downstairs. It’s almost a full apartment of space, it’s just missing a kitchen, so it’s _almost_ like she’s not living at home.

Emma settles Henry down on her bed, finding him beaming up at her happily, and smiles at him sweetly before she kisses his cheek a few times.

“You’re so good, bug.” Emma whispers. “And I love you so much.”

She studies him, trying to memorize the little creases by his eyes and the sweet sound of his voice when he babbles at her. He grabs for her hair before she replaces it with one of his stuffed animals and shifts him further onto the bed so he won’t go rolling off.

Emma moves across the room to the wardrobe in the corner. She pulls it open and finds one of her favorite sweaters.

After shucking her shirt from her body, she grabs the sweater and moves toward the bed again, where she faces a mirror just so she can turn to the left and stare at the smattering of birthmarks, a unique constellation that’s mirrored on someone else’s lower rib cage just like hers.

The idea was enough to get her heart racing years and years ago, but now she just feels quietly lost and hopeless.

She touches the spot at the top, the biggest of the markings, the one that’s mirrored on Henry’s side- or she likes to believe it is. Henry’s father, Neal, had most of his constellation right. It was just missing a few spots here or there and it was just slightly bigger than hers.

Not that birthmarks on skin make a soulmate at all- this is one of the cardinal rules of soulmates. They are a massive waste of time just because of the fixation most everyone she’s ever met has about the spots.

Emma shakes her head and lowers her fingers from her side. She stuffs her head and arms through the openings of the sweater and then pulls her hair free and ties it over her shoulder before she goes to grab her favorite pair of leggings from the top drawer of her dresser.

She makes a face at Henry so he’ll giggle and then she tugs her dirty jeans off before replacing them with her leggings.

Satisfied, she joins Henry on the bed and curls her body toward him with her knees facing her chest.

“You’re the only one I need,” she whispers as she reaches up to stroke his hair. She smiles softly at him. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky.”

///

He’s never bought into the idea that matching birthmarks make for life lasting soulmates, so when Liam told him he’d be going to America, leaving their business in his care for a full two weeks, Killian had obviously fought him on the idea.

One argument led to another, and all of a sudden, they’ve both packed bags and are going to America for two weeks, leaving their business in the capable hands of their father, who would much rather spend his Christmas with his new wife rather than in the office.

The flight lasts far too long, and he’s very much regretting his choice to up and leave on a protective whim. Liam’s the older brother, for God’s sake. If anyone should be gallivanting off to another country looking for love, it should be him.

Maine is frigid, he discovers upon deplaning, even though he and Liam wear their favorite jackets and scarves. Perhaps it’s because he’s still angry with Liam for deciding to do this, but they move in quiet companionship to the baggage claim.

He can tell that Liam is beyond excited for what’s to come. He would be too, if he were in Liam’s shoes. Liam’s only met face-to-face with his soulmate twice, both periods lasting a weekend.

Killian’s only met Elsa once, when she came to London to meet Liam the first time. She’s a lovely woman, one his brother would probably love even if it weren’t for the marks on their sides.

His brother had spent a lot of time knowing who she was, knowing exactly where to find her, but hesitant to go look in case she wouldn’t want him. A foolish thought, because he’d gone crazy daydreaming the person whose name was Elsa who lived in Storybrooke, Maine. But a lot of people do the same, when their soulmate isn’t immediately nearby.

Regardless of the past, they’re here for two weeks. Christmas is in a week and they’ll be here through the New Year as well.

Part of him wonders why he’s doing this. Liam’s a man with his mind made up, so he won’t be talked down from marrying Elsa, and it isn’t as if the man has any other prospects back in England.

Sighing, Killian pulls his phone out of his pocket and taps into the messaging app to let their father know they’ve arrived safely.

He has a few notifications from dating apps he’s been trying, but it isn’t as if dating is any good if either party only has one thing in mind- the bloody birthmarks.

“Killian, have you put any thought into what I proposed about the trip? Looking into expanding the business?”

Killian looks up at his brother and frowns, shaking his head. “No, I haven’t. I’ll need a minute to see if expanding in this… Storybrooke makes any sense.”

Liam smiles widely. “It’s a lovely town, brother. You’ll love it. Very quaint. Elsa’s told me that there are a hearty number of town-wide holiday traditions she wants us to partake in.”

Killian lifts his eyebrows and hums. “Sounds absolutely delightful.”

He doesn’t mean it, and it comes through in his voice.

His brother gives him a hard look as the alarm sounds, signifying that their luggage is about to come down the line.

“I know you’re not a believer in the science, Killian, but would you just be happy for me? I’m about to be engaged to a beautiful woman, who I love very much.”

Not wanting to fight him on this, about how entirely ridiculous he is for letting his life be led by society’s solution to love, Killian keeps quiet. He watches the belt move with bags that are nearly identical to his, but aren’t quite right.

“Liam? Liam!”

He looks up and narrows his eyes. He finds Elsa looking every bit as pretty as she had before, maybe even a bit more. She’s wearing a lovely long peacoat and her hair’s let down over her shoulders. She has a bright smile that matches his brother’s when they meet and the pair instantly embrace in a tight hug that has her eyes falling closed.

“It’s so wonderful to see you again, my love.” Liam’s voice is quiet, but Killian still hears it.

He tries to pretend the luggage on the belt is far more interesting so they can have their moment, but he still hears the kiss they share, and the laughter on their lips afterwards.

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Aye. Me too.” Liam says quietly. “I… suppose you’ve noticed Killian’s here.”

Taking that as his cue, he turns and smiles at Elsa. “Hello again, Elsa.”

“Hi, Killian,” Elsa smiles warmly. She’s holding Liam’s hands and doesn’t seem keen on letting go. “I… just realized I don’t have room for you at my apartment right now.” She laughs and shakes her head. “Um… it’s not a problem, though. I have friends in town who might be able to help and if we need to, I can see about renting you a room at Granny’s.”

Killian manages a smile, though the fact that he’s prematurely being kicked out of staying with his brother makes him just a little upset. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his bag coming their way and takes a step toward it before catching it.

He sets it down in time for Liam’s to come right behind and when he wheels the bags toward the happily reunited couple, his grin spreads. “Alright. That’s everything.”

“Wonderful.” Elsa says as she releases only one of Liam’s hands so he can take his bag in the other. “I can hardly wait to share Storybrooke with you both. Last time Liam was here, he only got to see a few of my favorite spots.”

Killian feels his stomach jerk with mild disgust over the thought of _the last time Liam was here_ and he suddenly wants nothing more than to return home to their father and their business.

Elsa leads them out of the airport, chattering excitedly the whole time.

Killian occupies his mind with the mundane activity at the airport, staring at parents with children trying to juggle all too many suitcases or the way the snow has formed sludge in the street but maintains it’s gentle fluff on grassy spots.

When they climb into Elsa’s car, Killian sits beside Elsa’s last minute Christmas shopping in the backseat, something she apologizes profusely about.

“The trip back to Storybrooke is kind of long, so feel free to take a nap if you need to.” Elsa says to them both as she pulls the car out onto the highway. “I don’t mind at all. I’ve been there.”

Liam smiles over at his girlfriend and reaches over the center console to touch her thigh. “I’ll be alright. Killian on the other hand…”

Elsa glances at him through the rearview mirror and chuckles. “Did you sleep on the plane at all?”

“Not all that much.” Killian admits. He stares out the window at the weather and traffic around them.

It’s the last thing he does before his eyes fall closed and sleep brings him in and out every few minutes.

“-doesn’t believe in them. He thinks there’s no way someone could have been meant for another in that way.”

“Well, to each his own, I guess. It’s just… sort of silly.”

“Believe me, I know.”

“I wonder if… I could set him up with someone…”

He fades back into sleep with the lulling sounds of the radio and the motion of the vehicle working together to pull him back.


	2. Chapter 2

two

Her father’s sheep-herding dog Wilby sleeps curled at the foot of her bed and always gets up when she does in the morning. He likes to lick her ear and nuzzle his nose against her cheek after her alarm goes off and she gives him gentle hug and affectionate pat to his warm belly before pulling herself out of bed and turning the light on.

She dresses for the cold and dirty barn and then goes to check on Henry before making her way downstairs for the day.

Her father’s already out in the barn, like he always is, the coffee on the stove a sign to her that she needs to get a move on if she wants to keep up.

Emma grabs her mug from the cabinet and pours the much-needed caffeine into the ceramic. She stands at the kitchen window as she sips. The snow is falling fast and hard as the sun makes its first appearance of the day.

A sigh escapes her lips because they’re going to have to clear the driveway to get into town today.

Wilby brushes his nose against her calf and she looks down, smiling a little. “What?”

“Hey, Emma.”

Her eyes widen at the familiar voice and she turns, gasping at the sight of her little brother standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.

He looks so much like their dad it’s insane, and with sleepy features, he looks endearing. His dirty blonde hair hangs over his eyes slightly and his tired smirk tells her that he’d planned on surprising her this early in the morning.

“What the hell, Charlie? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming in last night? I would have waited up!”

Charlie laughs softly as she sets her coffee down and moves to go hug him. He’s taller than her, but it doesn’t stop her from ruffling his hair before she gives him a warm hug and inspective hands pressed to his cheeks.

“A beard, huh?” she asks wryly.

He shrugs. “Trying something new.”

“I see.” Emma takes a step backward. She studies him and shakes her head. “So where’s the fiancée?”

“In bed. Sleeping.” Charlie tells her quietly. “I just wanted to surprise you because I know once you get going, you’re gone.”

Emma hums. “You still get me.” She goes to grab her boots from beside the kitchen door and sits at the table to pull them on. “When’d you get here?”

“It was almost midnight. Dad was the only one up.”

She smiles. “Does Mom know yet?”

“Not yet.” Charlie grins sheepishly. “I was hoping we could surprise her at breakfast.”

Emma nods. “She’ll freak. Make sure someone’s recording it. It could go very viral.”

Her younger brother laughs quiet enough that it won’t wake the slumbering members of their family. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

She stands up and grabs her coat from where she’d draped it over a chair at the table. “Henry’s going to be very pleased with the beard development. He has a thing for facial hair now that Dad’s started doing a Grandpa Beard.”

Her brother hums a laugh. “I’m excited to see him again. It’s been a while.”

“Too long,” Emma amends for him. “You need to come back home for good, Charlie. Mom and Dad are always talking about you.”

“I’m sure you love it.” Charlie teases.

Emma briefly gives him a look and exchanges it for a smile when he laughs. “I gotta get going. Talk later?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

After opening the door, she waves at him. “I’m glad you’re home for Christmas, baby brother.”

“Hey, only two years younger than you, thanks.” He nods in agreement regardless of the sentiment. “Me too.”

They stare at one another for a few seconds before Emma steps out into the cold and closes the door behind her.

///

Elsa’s apartment is the right size for two single people, but she’s right, there’s no space for him to sleep. Like he and Liam, she lives with her sister and they work together in town.

The couch is currently being occupied by the girls’ Aunt Ingrid, who’s in town for the festivities and will be leaving as soon as Christmas is through. Meanwhile, there’s an air mattress in her sister Anna’s bedroom for her husband-to-be.

The place is too small for them to add any other mattresses to the floor without it being dangerous or annoying, so they quickly decide that there isn’t any room for him.

“Okay,” Elsa says, clapping her hands together. “I have a plan. Don’t worry, Killian. I’m going to call a friend and we’ll get you a free room and it will be wonderful.”

There are cookies on the counter from a recent baking event that Liam’s started munching on as if he lives here. He’s already stripped out of his winter wear, including his boots. He’s down to his socks while Killian feels like simply taking off his scarf was enough for the predicament they’re in.

At least none of the three other people currently dwelling in this tiny apartment aren’t here at the moment. It’s a small thing he’s grateful for in the midst of a lot of regretful thoughts he’s having.

Maybe coming here was a bad idea after all. Trying to put a stop to any ridiculous decisions his brother will most definitely make is one of the worst ways he could be spending the holiday season and he knows this, but Liam means too much to him to just let the man jump headfirst into something this massive.

Elsa slips out of the room to make her phone call, leaving Killian with Liam for the first time in a few hours.

“So, what do you think so far, little brother?” Liam asks teasingly.

Killian lifts his eyebrows. “I think you’re bloody insane.”

He looks around the space, at the pretty watercolor paintings hung on the walls and the notes left on the fridge. It’s lovely, for what he’s sure are a pair of lovely ladies sharing an apartment.

“You’re the one who insisted on coming along at the last second. That ticket wasn’t cheap either, mind you.”

Guilt falls to the pit of his stomach and he grimaces at his own selfish thinking before turning to look at his brother again. “You’re right. I’m sorry I’ve been…”

“Pigheaded? It’s alright, brother.” Liam swats the back of his head in a brotherly way. “You’re going to the winter festival tonight with us. Regardless of where you’re staying.”

He sighs and nods. “Very well.”

Elsa returns with a slight frown on her face. “No answer, but it’s okay. I’ll try again later. It’s still early.” She tugs on a smile. “Okay. What should we do first? I was thinking you’d might like to rest up a little before we go on our town tour.”

Liam nods. “That would be perfect.” He turns to Killian. “Why don’t you get comfortable, brother? We’re not going anywhere soon.”

///

Emma decides that because it’s Charlie and Hannah’s first breakfast back home, she’ll stick around a little longer than usual. She sits at the dining table beside Nana, who had been beside herself when Charlie came to breakfast in his pajamas acting as if it was totally normal that he was here.

Henry’s sitting in Charlie’s lap, presently occupied with putting his fingers in his uncle’s mouth. Emma sees Hannah staring at the duo with affectionate longing and smiles at the girl who’s about to become her sister.

Her parents are both present for breakfast as well, which is a change because her mom usually rushes off to the store in town right after they come back in from finishing the chores.

“Emma, we really should get going to the shop,” her mother says on a sigh. She squeezes Charlie’s arm. “I wish I could be here all day and just be with you.”

“I know.” Charlie smiles at her. “But it’s okay. Hannah and I were thinking about doing the town tour today so we can swing by at lunch?”

Their mother grins widely at the thought. “That’s a wonderful idea!”

“Yeah? Nana, is it okay if we leave you here with Henry for a little bit today?” Charlie asks.

Grandma Ruth hums. “Of course it is. Henry and I have a great time together.”

Emma stands up with her dishes and grabs Nana’s before taking them to the sink. She washes them and sticks them into the dishwasher.

“Emma, you should take the pickup to the store today. It needs gas and I told Marco I’d pick up our signage for the festival tonight.”

“The festival’s tonight?” Emma asks, whirling around to look at her father.

He nods. “Yep. I’ve got a busy day ahead getting ready for it too.”

“I made cookies last night,” her mother adds. “And Nana’s going to make up hot cocoa and… you know, Charlie, you could help us if you could drive Nana to town square around six tonight.”

“Yeah. Sure thing.”

Everyone nods at the plan unfolding as the excitement over the festival starts to set in. Usually, the town festival is one of the highlights of the Christmas season. She used to look forward to going because she could always count on plenty of free treats, but now she hopes it’ll be over early so she can get Henry to bed at a sensible hour.

“Remember that time they had a scheduled snowball fight at the festival?” Charlie asks.

Their father groans. “Don’t remind me. I almost gave up on town festivals after that. The Dwarves are far too competitive.”

Her mother laughs. “They are, but they’re just _brothers_. I still can’t believe they’re not going to be playing at the festival tonight.”

“They’re not?” Charlie frowns. “But I was looking forward to hearing them cover Little Drummer Boy as a bluesy rock ballad.”

Emma moves toward the door and looks at her mother. “Mom, you ready to get going?”

She’s laughing at Charlie when she turns to Emma with a nod. “Of course, honey.”

After Emma bundles up, it still takes them about twenty minutes of bubbly conversation with Charlie to get out the door. She can’t complain. It’s _so_ good to have him home again.

///

As soon as they get the warm air flowing in their tiny shop, Emma removes her hat and gloves, but keeps her scarf on. She sits on a stool behind the cash register while her mother goes through the aisles trying to make sure things are in their place.

Their shop is a quaint little place, one people only visit if they’re looking for particular items. They do pretty well for a home goods store selling homemade items and pickings from the farm.

During the winter, they run low on fresh veggies and fruits, but make up for it with crafting classes that her mother gives in the back room. Teaching has always been her mother’s favorite role. She’d been an elementary school teacher when Emma was younger, only recently falling into this role of shopkeeper thanks to an idea her dad had after Grandma Ruth had surgery and more time on her hands than usual.

Emma’s phone vibrates in her hand as soon as she pulls it out of her pocket and she discovers a few missed messages waiting for her from Elsa and a few of her friends from high school wondering if she can meet them while they’re back home for the holiday.

Elsa: _Emma, I’m freaking out! Just got home from picking Liam up from the airport. His BROTHER is here… HELP._

Elsa: _Forgot to mention that we don’t have any space at the apartment and Regina isn’t answering the phone. I was going to ask Graham about maybe letting him stay at his place, but then I remembered That Thing That We’re Not Talking About._

Emma smiles a little and shakes her head as she types out a message for her.

Emma: _Hold on, the brother you said was a weirdo that hid the whole time you were there? Suddenly the Nolan Farm has no space available._

Still smiling, she plugs the device into the overhead speakers and then powers on her laptop to finish up some last minute work for her last class of the semester.

She’s been taking a handful of classes at a local community college in an attempt at working her way toward finishing her degree. Ideally, she’d like to be finished in a year so she can move out and start a job with a salary on her own accord before she’s reached the annoying stage of still living at home.

Her phone vibrates again and she finds a new message from Elsa.

Elsa: _Could you though? I know it’s crowded as it is at your place but it would actually save my life. I would owe you x1 million._

An uneasy feeling finds the pit of her stomach.

With Charlie and Hannah staying over for Christmas, they don’t have any bedrooms left, although there is plenty of space in the attic with the foldout couch and she knows that if her mother found out about someone in need of a place to lay their head, she would _insist_ and make a way.

Emma hides her phone and pretends she didn’t see the message. It’s not something she should be responsible for- housing a surprise stranger guest for an entire two weeks.

Suddenly thinking too much, Emma stares mindlessly at the desktop background picture of Henry a few months ago, curled up with Wilby in her bed. The picture makes her heart warm and she exhales peacefully.

“Okay, we’re ready to open now,” her mother says in passing before she hurries to the front of the shop and flips the open sign over and unlocks the door.

She returns to Emma’s side and sits down alongside her, flipping open the bag of knitting she’d brought with her before settling her reading glasses onto the bridge of her nose.

It doesn’t take very long for their first customer to arrive, the tinkling of the bell a shock to Emma as she looks up over her homework to find people walking into the store.

“Good morning, Ariel!” her mother sing-songs as she finishes off a row of the scarf she’s been working on.

“Morning, Mary Margaret!” Ariel replies.

Emma smiles at the people who have come to shop and their daily pattern continues, until around three in the afternoon when her mother’s children’s painting class starts in the classroom in the back of the store and Emma’s left alone.

The bell tinkles as she types out a text to Charlie, who had asked her about where Henry’s favorite paci was.

“Good afternoon,” she says as a matter of habit.

Looking up, she finds herself staring at someone she’s never seen before, which is saying something because Storybrooke is a tiny town where everyone knows everyone. But, she supposes, it’s the holidays and people are here visiting family.

Whoever he is, he’s rugged in appearance, wearing a leather jacket that has pockets to protect his hands. His hair is dark, hiding behind a beanie that covers the tips of his ears, and a scarf covers the beginnings of a beard when he tugs at it to give himself room to breathe.

He seems lost, wandering slightly toward her while he glances around the store.

“Can I help you with anything?” she asks.

“Ah…” he hesitates, reaching up behind his ear to scratch. “I’m just looking around.”

Emma shrugs her shoulders. “Well, feel free and if you need any help, I’m here.”

She tries to keep her eyes to her computer, but she instead finds herself staring at the stranger as he moves around the shop in search of… something. The way he admires the items on the shelves makes it seem like he’s only here to waste time.

On a soft sigh, Emma turns her attention to the computer screen again. She bites at her lip when she sees there are half a dozen emails inquiring about her lack of soulmate. It’s her fault for submitting her name to those stupid websites on impulse one night a few months ago.

Hastily, she deletes them and then deletes the trash. She doesn’t want any trace of it anywhere.

As soon as she finishes deleting the trash, the bell above the door tinkles and she looks up. The stranger is nowhere to be seen, having apparently just left after a few minutes in the shop.

///

After touring the main street shops and spending a prolonged amount of time staring at the horizon from the town’s harbor, he meets Elsa and Liam at Granny’s Diner, an establishment beloved by nearly everyone he’s come in contact with.

There are twinkling lights hung up on the ceiling inside, and a giant Christmas tree decorated in the corner so it can be seen through the window. A familiar tune plays overhead and the place smells of ginger and cinnamon.

“Killian! How was your walk?” Elsa asks as soon as he takes a seat across from his brother and his soulmate.

With his brows lifted as he tugs on his scarf, Killian manages to smile. “Good. I visited a lot of shops along the street here.”

Elsa’s eyes widen slightly. “Oh? Did you stop in at Nolan Home Goods?”

He pauses thoughtfully and tugs his arms out of the sleeves of his jacket to take it off. “Ah… I think so. Was it the one with the handmade trinkets and the little grocery?”

Elsa nods and hums. “Yes. It’s run by my best friend Emma and her family.” The woman across from him fishes her phone out of her pocket and sighs, “Oh, I might have a lead on a room for you, Killian. Excuse me for a minute?”

“Of course.” Liam says, smiling.

Elsa slides out of the booth and heads toward the door that must lead to a back hallway. Killian sighs and grabs the menu set before him. He barely has it open before Liam speaks up.

“I’m going to ask her to marry me tonight. I can’t wait until Christmas day like I said I’d wanted to.”

Killian’s eyes go wide and his heart jumps. He stares at his brother dumbly, shaking his head. “Liam, are you certain? You know she’ll say yes. She’s obsessed with you.”

Liam has the dumbest, happiest look on his face. “I know. I know. I’m smitten as well. Which is why I don’t think I need to wait any longer. Life is short and all that.”

Killian scoffs and rubs his face over with one hand. “I told Dad I wouldn’t let you jump the shark like this, Li. You’re waiting for Christmas morning. Promise me you won’t be an idiot tonight.”

Liam’s already made up his mind, which is that he’s proposing less than twenty-four hours after coming to America to be with his soulmate. His brother won’t stop grinning lopsidedly, the most ridiculous he’s seen him since he’d gotten kissed the first time in grade six.

“You’re going to make me make a scene tonight then.” Killian shakes his head. “Wonderful. Our first time together in America since we were six and I have to be the dramatic one stopping you from proposing.”

His brother tosses a hand at him. “You always have been. Listen, Killian, I’m doing it tonight and it’ll leave plenty of time for us to start planning afterwards.”

Killian wants to argue about timing and about the fact that he wants to marry Elsa so quickly, but he’s interrupted by the arrival of the woman in question. She slides into the booth beside Liam and beams at Killian.

“Okay. Great news! I found you a spare bedroom. I’ll introduce you to them tonight at the festival.”

Liam wraps his arm around Elsa while Killian addresses his brother, “See, Liam, things work out if you just have a little patience.”

His brother hums. “I know that all too well.”


	3. Chapter 3

three

At six o’clock, Emma closes the shop while her mother takes the pickup truck to town square where the rest of their family will be setting up for the town’s annual winter festival.

It’s a huge deal. People come in from towns surrounding theirs just to participate. They sell tee shirts and sweatshirts and hats. The inn sells out all of the rooms and some people even bring campers and set up a campsite.

Emma sticks her hands into her coat pockets for the keys after she steps out of the building and into the cold night air. It’s snowing much lighter now, just a gentle trickle that comes from the sky above. She breathes out a puff of white cloud as she turns the key in the lock and removes it on another.

She can hear music coming from just up the road as cars rush past her on Main Street trying to find a place to park.

Emma finds herself looking past all of the hustle to the sky above her head, at the stars attempting to shine past the clouds. She looks down when she can’t see too many and instead focuses on not slipping and falling into the sidewalk the way she did just a few weeks ago.

She has a lot on her mind, mostly involving eating something delicious and cuddling with Henry and teasing Charlie and kissing her dad on the cheek. It’s nice to be at home with them. It’s nice knowing she’s safe and loved, even when she feels unlovable.

As the town square comes closer into view, Emma smiles. She can see her family gathered as they set up their booth across from the giant Christmas tree.

There are other vendors setting up as well. Beside the road, a food truck that practically calls out her name is parked. It’s one of the town’s newest attractions, being run by one of her friends from school, August.

She smiles politely at August through the window and waves at him. He waves back, smiling wide. “I’ll make you a grilled cheese with bacon, Nolan!”

“Free of charge?” she calls back.

“Of course! Actually, I’ll make a tray for your family.”

Emma’s cheeks feel slightly warm, even with the cold night air nipping on them. Her mom had always teased her about her relationship with August. Always just this side of flirty, but not quite.

She gets a funny feeling in her belly thinking about it and looks away, instead at the booth where her family currently has gathered in what will likely prove to be the most comedic thing her family has ever done, something that gets topped almost every day that they’re all together.

Her father’s standing on a ladder while Charlie holds onto his legs, and her mom and Nana are attempting to guide them from a few feet back into how he should hang the wreath on their sign.

“No, no, David! This way!” her mother gestures wildly to the right while her grandmother shakes her head.

“David, listen to your wife. This way. This way, dear.”

“I can’t move with Charlie holding on so tight!” her father angrily huffs out. He stops what he’s doing and turns in time to see her heading their way.

Emma moves off to the side, where Hannah’s standing with Henry in a stroller. She seems entirely bemused by the display, though afraid at the same time.

“Keeping out of the craziness?” Emma asks on a light laugh.

Hannah chuckles. “Yeah. I’m afraid there are already a few too many cooks in the kitchen.”

They both laugh as they watch Charlie explain, “Dad, I’m letting go of your left leg, use it to lean in closer.”

“What?” David calls back around his shoulder.

“I’m letting go- you know what, come down and I’ll do it.”

“No! I’m fine. I’ll finish this. Just let go of my left leg and I’ll lean in closer.”

Charlie looks like he might explode, but keeps it together as he removes his hand from his father’s left leg.

Emma turns to Henry, kneeling to be at his eye level. Immediately, he gasps happily. “Mama!”

She laughs. “Hi, Henry!”

Her son extends his arms outward as he squirms eagerly in his seat. She unbuckles him and then scoops him up into her arms. She settles him on her hip and kisses his cheek.

“I missed you today!” Emma says with her hand on his belly. He cuddles into her and she smiles as she leans her head against his.

When she looks back at her family, she discovers Wilby waiting for her father when he climbs off of the ladder, and her mother claps happily.

“Wonderful job! It looks Christmassy now!”

Grandma Ruth nods in agreement. “As it should.”

Her mother kisses her father chastely and adds, “Thank you, David.”

“No problem. Anything I can do to make you happy.”

Emma watches her Charlie haul the ladder back toward the pickup before she turns her attention to her father again.

“Hey, Pops.” Emma greets him. “How was your day?”

He sighs heavily and sets his hands on his hips. “Well, we got it all done, thankfully.” He turns to the setup and nods. “Should be a fun night.”

Emma smiles softly at the way his jaw is so set and how serious he is about something that should just be fun and simple. She goes to him and kisses his cheek.

“I’m going to go to the food truck. August said he’s making us grilled cheeses because we’re the best.”

Her father smiles at that. “Sounds good.”

She gives her grandmother a gentle squeeze to her arm and her mother a reciprocated smile before making her way back toward the food truck with Henry on her hip.

August is busy working when she arrives, so she grins teasingly and shouts, “Hey! You got a customer out here!”

Her friend turns around and laughs. “Hey, Emma. I’m almost done with your plate. Do you want fries too?”

Emma crinkles her nose up, but before she can say anything, he points at her with his spatula.

“Kidding. You like onion rings. I have those too.”

Surprised, she furrows her brow. “You do?”

August turns around and says just loud enough for her to hear, “Yeah, I always do. In case you show up.”

Emma feels that stupid blush again and her stomach flips at the attention. She turns to Henry and plays with the tassels on his hat.

Before she knows it, August leans his arms out the window with a covered container set beside him. He’s smiling, seeming content in just watching her babble incoherently with her son while she plays with his hat.

“How’s he doing?” August wonders.

“Good.” Emma smiles. She stares at the container. “That for me?”

August straightens out and nods. “Yep. Should be enough for the entire clan. You can always ask for more if you need it.”

“Thank you.” She smiles, flattered by the whole situation. She grabs the container with her hand and August frowns, scrambling to help.

“Here. I’ll take this and help you back to your booth.”

Emma almost has the chance to protest, but he’s already out the door with her container in hand. She walks alongside him toward the booth, suddenly struck by silence of thought and tongue.

“That tree’s going to look amazing with everyone’s ornaments.” August says, smiling over her head at the massive tree set in the center of the festival.

Emma hums. She glances over at it. “It’s my favorite tradition.”

“Mine too.” August agrees with honesty. “It’s authentic.”

They’re feet away from her family, but her mother notices them- of course she does. She beams giddily and all but winks at Emma as if August is about to become her boyfriend.

“August! It’s nice to see you. You all set up for tonight?”

“Yeah! Yeah, should be. I made you guys some sandwiches and onion rings. Free of charge.”

He settles the container down on the table and Grandma Ruth immediately gasps.

“Why on Earth would you do that?”

Curious, Emma glances over at August. He seems embarrassed as he shakes his head and shrugs. “Ah… just neighborly kindness, I suppose.”

She doesn’t miss the way he glances toward her or how a blush seems to crawl out over his entire face. Her heart skips a beat, which does her absolutely no good at all.

“Thanks, August.” Emma says.

“Here, why don’t you take a cookie?” Nana offers. “It’s the least we can do.”

August turns to the elderly woman with a gentleness unparalleled. “Thanks so much, Mrs. Nolan. I appreciate it.”

“We appreciate you.” her mother says, practically shouting _date my daughter_ from the mountaintops.

August lifts his eyebrows at Emma and she waves at him as he steps away. “See you around, Stranger.”

Emma chuckles. “See you.”

After turning back to her family, who have all grabbed a napkin and a grilled cheese, her grandmother immediately says in a quiet voice, “Emma, that boy must like you a whole bunch if he doesn’t already love you.”

Emma scoffs and shakes her head. “Nope. Not allowed. He’s my friend.”

Her father narrows his eyes slightly in the direction of the food truck. “I don’t know, Em. He’s a good guy. We’ve known him since he was, what, four?”

Her mother nods and hums. “When Marco moved into town.”

“Right.”

“He must already know who his soulmate is, though.” Emma argues. “It’s pointless either way.”

Her argument is solid enough that her family members can’t refute it.

With a look at Charlie, she finds him sitting down at the table with his fiancée, both of them happily in their own world munching on grilled cheese.

Their laughter sounds like a song she might like to learn how to sing, but she shakes it off and instead grabs a sandwich to share with Henry at a picnic table set up nearby.

“What do you think, kid? Is it time to bite the bullet and find out who it is? Just to keep everyone quiet about… everything?”

Henry, of course, is clueless about the whole thing. He’s far more interested in eating than solving her lifelong struggle with soulmates.

On a heavy sigh, Emma looks away from him and at the pretty lights on the tree.

“Probably the wrong move.” Emma says in a murmur. She looks down at her son. “Because I’ve got you, right? You’re my North star.”

///

The winter festival this year is far more crowded than in years past and it seems like everyone’s heard the rumor that their stand has the best hot cocoa and cookies, so the table is swarmed for long periods of time while people collect their goods.

Thankfully, she and Henry are allowed to go explore while her parents run their booth, and Emma even has an ornament for she and Henry to hang on the tree together. Her son is completely transfixed by the lights that glow, just like he is by their tree at home, something she finds so sweet that she has to hold him a little closer.

Wilby follows them, along with Charlie and Hannah, to the group gathered at the town hall steps where the elementary school kids have a few Christmas songs to sing.

Emma wanders back to their little booth with Henry all but fast asleep on her shoulder. She sees her parents happily talking with Ashley and Sean, whose daughter Alexandra is Emma’s age.

“Hi Emma. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. You keeping busy?” Ashley smiles at her as Emma has a seat behind the table.

Emma smiles up at the woman after settling Henry down in his stroller. “Yeah. Crazy busy. How are you guys doing?”

“We’re great.” Ashley says. “Alexandra just graduated and she’s getting married in the summer, so things are busy for us too.”

“Oh, wow. That’s awesome. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Ashley beams. She turns to her husband. “Well, it was nice catching up! We have to get going if we’re going to hang our ornament.”

“We’ll see you later, then.” her mother says kindly.

Ashley nods. “Yes, of course.”  

The Boyds both wave before they leave and Emma sighs, smiling when Wilby decides to wrap himself around her feet.

“I’m happy for them, but it just seems like they’re bragging.” Nana Ruth says. “It doesn’t look good.”

“No,” Emma agrees, although she knows her mother and Ashley are longtime friends.

The fact is, while Alexandra succeeded at her life, Emma’s is a lot messier. She hasn’t been able to get married or graduate, things that she’d always thought would be easy coming. She grew up under the endlessly hopeful Mary Margaret Nolan, after all.

“Emma! There you are. I’ve been looking for you all evening!”

When she looks up, she discovers Elsa walking side-by-side with Liam. They hold hands and look obviously so in love that it would make her sick if it weren’t for the fact that she knows Elsa is so happy.

Behind them, a familiar stranger with dark hair hangs slightly back.

Emma lifts her eyebrows. “You have?”

Elsa nods. They come to a stop in front of the booth and Elsa turns to her parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Nolan, have you met Liam?”

“No, I don’t believe we have.” Mary Margaret stands up to shake Liam’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Liam.”

“Likewise. I’ve heard wonderful things about your baking, Mrs. Nolan.”

“Oh!” her mother blushes.

Her father smiles and offers Liam a cookie. “Well, why don’t you try a cookie?”

“I’d love that very much. Thank you.”

Pleasantries exchanged, Elsa pivots back toward her again and leans her hands on the table.

“Okay, so, I talked to your mom earlier and she said there was room at your house. I want you to meet Liam’s brother, Killian.”

Emma narrows her eyes slightly but she has no time to ask questions or argue, because Elsa steps aside and gestures outward.

“Killian, this is my dear friend, Emma. Her parents, Mary Margaret and David. They’ll be more than happy to give you a bed while you’re here.”

Emma manages a smile at the man she’d once considered a dark stranger. She nods at him when he acknowledges her with the same.

“A pleasure.”

Elsa eyes them for a moment before she says, “Killian, why don’t you get to know the Nolans while Liam and I go grab something from the food truck?”

She can see Killian hesitate, as if he doesn’t want to get to know anybody at all, and certainly doesn’t want to be left alone to fend for himself, but he has no choice because Liam and Elsa swiftly make off like bandits in the night to the food truck.

“Well, I suppose that’s that then.” Killian chuckles. “Ah… I don’t mean to impose, Mr. and Mrs. Nolan. I can just rent a room in town. I don’t mind. Elsa seems to think I need to stay free.”

“Nonsense.” her mother swats a hand at him. “You can stay with us. We have space upstairs.”

Emma’s eyes widen in her mother’s direction, but her mother just smiles at Killian. “Anyway, Granny’s is the only inn in town and I happen to know for a fact that she’s booked solid.”

Killian frowns. “I see.”

“It’s not a problem.” her father agrees. “And if you don’t like us after a day, we could put you out in the barn.”

Her parents both laugh, but Killian seems confused by the joke. Emma finds it a little harsh, so she lifts an eyebrow at their new acquaintance. “Sorry. They have weird humor.”

Killian scratches behind his head and turns to look at the tree. “Quite the festival you’ve got here. I’ve never seen something so… largely populated.”

Seeing that he’s taken more of an interest in talking to her, she hums in agreement. “It’s one of the biggest in Maine. I think we made the pamphlets at the visitor’s centers.”

Killian laughs, genuinely, and she does too.

“So, how long are you here for?” her father asks.

“Ah… two weeks.” Killian says quickly. “Long enough for Liam to get paperwork started I suppose.”

She knows her father, so she’s not surprised by the follow up question, no matter how prying it is. “Why are you here with him then?”

The man lifts his brows briefly, letting out a slight laugh. “That’s something I keep asking myself. I guess I thought I should be here to talk him out of doing anything rash and stupid, but I’m afraid it’s a little late for that. He’s planned on proposing tonight.”

Her mother gasps. “What?”

Even Emma’s surprised. She rises to her feet and Wilby perks up.

“Yeah, he told me earlier today. I guess he can’t wait any longer.”

She doesn’t know what she’s planning on accomplishing by leaving the table and the foreigner behind, but she takes off for the food truck as if she can intervene in the proposal and warn Elsa against being stupid and accepting after just meeting the guy for the third time.

They’re not at the food truck, which isn’t surprising.

Instead, she finds them in the most dramatic position, with Liam down on one knee in front of the Christmas tree with a ring box in his hand, while Elsa has tears in her eyes and her hands clasped above her lips.

She can hear Liam murmuring something, but Elsa’s already nodding, confirming her answer even before he asks the question. He laughs, she laughs, then Liam slides the mitten off of Elsa’s left hand and slips the ring on. People gathered around start clapping.

Emma watches on with bittersweet delight as Elsa embraces her new fiancé.

“Bloody hell,” she hears a voice come from just beside her.

She turns, surprised, and discovers Killian must have followed her in search of the same thing she was looking for.

“I guess there isn’t time for me to change their minds, is there?” he asks with a tiny shake of his head before he looks at her.

She sees the color of his eyes for the first time and finds herself caught off guard by the bright shade of blue that they are. He seems upset, but she’s not sure it’s exclusively because of his brother’s choices.

Elsa and Liam seem to drift straight for them in the aftermath of this gigantic life changing decision they’ve made. They’re both all smiles and Emma steels herself for the onslaught of joy that’s been pent up for such a long time while Elsa waited for this day to come.

“Emma, I’m engaged!” Elsa all but squeals.

Emma forces a big smile and hugs her friend tight. “I saw! I’m so happy for you.”

When they pull apart, Elsa holds up her hand and examines the ring. She shakes her head slowly. “I can’t believe it. I mean, I’d thought for sure on Christmas day. But… today?”

“Which is why I didn’t propose on Christmas day.” Liam says, glancing at Killian in an I-told-you-so sort of way. He smiles at his new fiancée and wraps his arm around her. “Were you surprised?”

“More than.” Elsa shakes her head. “I can’t wait to tell Anna. Where is she?”

Emma watches from afar when Elsa unites with her sister. Both of them are giddy with excitement as they embrace, and Kristoff seems just as happy for Liam as he is for Elsa.

She makes her way back to her family thinking far too much about _soulmates_ and happiness.


	4. Chapter 4

four

The Nolan family is one of the kindest he’s ever met, especially for not knowing him until only about two hours ago. Immediately, they grafted him in as if he were one of their own and now he feels as comfortable with them as he does in his own family, not that that’s saying anything.

After the festival ends, with song and candles and what he’s sure others find to be a touching and warm farewell from the mayor, he waits with the eldest Nolan, Nana Ruth as she insists he call her, and the family dog Wilby.

Emma busily helps her mother and almost sister-in-law clean up what’s left of the cookies, setting all that there is into the backseat of the truck that’s backed up behind the booth.

Off and on, Nana Ruth will check on a baby in a stroller that he presumes must belong to the family in some way.

After the ladies are done, Charlie, Emma, and David both work seamlessly together to get the table and sign collapsed and put into the bed of the truck.

“Okay, so I’ll take Charlie, Hannah, and Killian in the truck. Em, you and Mom take Grandma and Henry in the car?”

“Sure.” Emma smiles. She goes to check on the baby, smiling brightly at the little face he’s yet to see for himself. “Hey, baby. You ready to go home?”

_Emma_ is the mother of the child. Things have started to get interesting now.

David whistles, a sign for Wilby to come along, so Killian takes that as his sign that they’re about to get going.

He climbs into the cab of the truck after Hannah and Charlie sit in the back row with Wilby. David grins as the warm air starts to flow through the vents.

“Alright. Let’s get going home, huh?” he asks nobody in particular.

As they start up the main street, Charlie clears his throat and sits forward so his voice will be heard over the roar of the air conditioning unit, “Killian, do you have any bags you need brought over? Emma just texted asking if she should stop by Elsa’s before they come home.”

Killian turns, brows lifted. “Oh, yeah, I do. I could get them if you-”

“No, no,” David insists. “Emma can grab them. It’s right on the way from where the car’s parked anyway.”

So just like that, it’s settled. Emma and the rest will be grabbing his things and bringing them to the Nolan residence, wherever that is.

Yes, it’s occurred to him that the Nolan family might live miles and miles away from Liam, and that perhaps it’s part of Elsa’s plan of eliminating him from the picture so she can have her way with his brother.

But, he has a feeling that Elsa isn’t the type of person who would do such a thing. She’s kind and courteous to a fault.

“Now, Killian, my wife wants to put you up in the attic,” David says after a long stretch of silence. “That’s where Emma and Henry are, but there’s a spare space with a bed from back in the day when we had a full house and needed a guest bed. We’ll have to move Henry a bit closer to Emma, but she won’t mind that.”

Killian nods and tries to think of something to say in response, but realizes he has nothing to add to the conversation at all, so he turns forward facing again and stares out at the night through the headlights of the truck.

“Where did you say you were from again?” Charlie perks up from the backseat.

“England,” Killian says. “From a little town on the coast you probably haven’t heard of.”

Charlie hums. “I see.”

“And what do you do?” David wonders.

“My brother and I manage our own businesses. We inherited a pub and small fish supply store chain from our father.”

“Huh.” David’s voice is curious. “Interesting.”

“Aye. It’s… hard work. Our father’s running it solo while Liam and I are here visiting.”

“That’s pretty cool, though,” Charlie says. “I’m studying to be an elementary school teacher. Hannah too.”

Killian glances back to find the pair smiling affectionately at one another.

“And you’re matched, I take it?”

Charlie looks at him and hums. “Yeah. We got lucky and knew each other before we got the results, so when we found out it was each other, I think we both just knew right away.”

Hannah nods in agreement. She smiles at Killian. “Have you found your match yet?”

Killian tilts his head to the side and holds his mouth open. He laughs slightly. “Well, not so much. I don’t really… believe in it. Not to say those who do are wrong, because I see how happy you are and how happy my brother is, but… I don’t think it’s right for me.”

David makes a noise of slight agreement. “You sound like my daughter.” He glances as Killian before he adds, “I think you two will get along.”

Charlie leans forward so he’s close. “But don’t do anything stupid. She’s my sister. I’ll protect her until my dying breath.”

The older Nolan man nods and shoots him with daggers from his eyes. “I don’t want to see her hurt again after what happened.”

“I give my word,” Killian holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m only staying for the two weeks and that’s the last you’ll ever have to see of me. That said, I’m incredibly grateful for your help.”

David nods once.

The drive becomes quiet again until Hannah speaks up, “Mr. Nolan, would you mind putting on the radio?”

“Sure,” David smiles at the rear view mirror and hits the power button so the gentle melody of a Christmas carol fills the cab of the truck.

He isn’t sure what he was expecting of the Nolan farm, but he’s still surprised by the sheer size of it. It’s just on the outskirts of town and to get to it, they have to brave a dirt road that leads to a lovely metal sign that reads: White Rose Farm.

The driveway is long, but once they reach the home, he can’t help but fall entirely in love with it.

It’s painted white as the snow with black shutters and a wrap-around porch that’s densely decorated for the holidays. There are glowing lights hung classily around the upper brim of the low hung roof, and he can practically feel the fire burning inside.

There are lights on inside, and when he looks, he sees that the car has already arrived somehow.

“She must’ve taken the forest road.” David says after pulling the truck into a spot near the house.

It’s too dark to make out the land surrounding the home, but Killian takes notice of the barn just a quick jaunt from the farmhouse, decorated by Christmas lights as well.

David takes the lead out of the truck. Killian follows suit and then attempts to help Hannah with the leftover cookies, but she insists she has it all. Charlie claps him on the shoulder as they follow her in toward the house.

“Ever been to a farm, Killian?”

“Ah… no, I don’t believe I have.”

The young man is a spitting image of his father when he smiles. “Well, welcome to White Rose. We’re happy to have you.”

“White Rose…” Killian repeats. “What’s the significance of that?”

“It’s on our family crest.” David says nonchalantly, as if everyone on the planet has a family crest. “That, and I gave Mary Margaret white roses while we were dating.”

They start the quick climb onto the porch and Killian lifts his brows in understanding. “Ah ha.”

David opens the front door, leading them straight into the cozy living room with a fireplace already started. Nana Ruth steps out of a room that must be the kitchen and smiles at David.

“I’m headed to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.” Ruth stops to kiss David’s cheek and he responds in kind.

“Alright. Love you, Mom.”

Ruth smiles affectionately at her son. “I love you more than all of the stars in the sky.”

The matriarch of the family blows kisses to her grandson and his fiancée before waving at him sweetly.

“Night all.”

“Night, Nana.” Charlie says while Hannah choruses, “Goodnight, Nana. It was nice to spend the day with you today.”

“Oh, it was wonderful. I can’t wait to do it all over again tomorrow.”

They chuckle and then Ruth starts down a hallway that must lead to her bedroom.

David turns to him and lifts his brows. “Why don’t we get you settled in? I imagine you’ve had a long one. I’ve got an early morning ahead so I’d like to get to bed myself.”

“Aye, yeah. I didn’t get much sleep on the flight over.” Killian says to keep things friendly and conversational.

He follows David upstairs, where they immediately discover Emma with her hair tied up in a messy bun above her head. She’s attempting to move Henry’s crib closer to her bed, a feat that she’s minimally succeeding in.

“Here, I’ll help you.” David offers as he leans in to hoist the crib upward. They carry the bed so it’s beside Emma’s and at the same time, Mary Margaret climbs the steps to survey the work.

“Oh, we’re all here!” she chuckles. In her arms, she cradles some fluffy white towels. “Here, Killian. I got you some towels that I’ll put in the bathroom.”

He watches her scuttle off after thanking her and then turns his attention to the way Emma’s father crosses the room to where a couch sits. He pulls the cushions off and then tugs a foldaway mattress frame and incredibly thin mattress out from inside.

“Alright. Honey, did you grab some sheets?”

“Of course I did,” Mary Margaret says with a teasing scold. She gestures to Emma’s bed where an entire bed’s worth of sheets and pillows sit in a neat stack.

“I never doubted you wouldn’t come through.” David smiles at his wife.

Feeling dumb and worthless, Killian steps in and holds out his arms. “I can make it up. You’ve done so much for me already. I feel silly just standing by and watching when you could be getting yourselves to bed.”

Both of them seem reluctant, but nod at each other before nodding at him. “Alright. We can leave you to it, then.”

“David, pull the curtain.” Mary Margaret says with clasped hands.

“Right. So, it’s not exactly two bedrooms up here. I apologize.”

David moves to the back wall and tugs at the curtains that had been hanging against it. He tugs them forward, on the track that divides the room in two. Soon enough, he doesn’t see Emma or her side of things at all.

“That okay, Killian?” David asks from across the divide.

He hesitates, feeling slightly claustrophobic, and then Mary Margaret pulls it back halfway. “Here. You can pull it all the way once you’re all settled in.”

After bidding he, Emma, and Henry goodnight, Mr. and Mrs. Nolan head back downstairs.

Killian makes up the bed while Emma goes into the bathroom to get herself ready for bed. Henry, meanwhile coos to himself and plays with the dog’s fur on Emma’s bed.

After he finishes making up the bed, he gets a good look at Henry for the first time since meeting the entire Nolan family. The boy is adorable, with his little smile and soft hair atop his head. He has dark eyes and a face that reminds him of his mum, but at the same time it’s altogether unique.

Certainly, Henry’s life story is one that he’ll hear eventually, with how much he’s already learned tonight thus far.

As he contemplates all of the possibilities that may have brought this little boy into existence, Emma steps out of the bathroom, jarring his attention away from her son and instead to her.

She wears a baggy sweater and sweatpants with her hair down, cascading like waves against her shoulders and back. Deftly, she avoids looking at him, instead finding focus on her bed and what awaits her there.

Killian grabs his bag from the floor and sets it flat on the ground. He digs through to find something to wear to bed and then grabs his toiletries bag before hiding out in the bathroom.

He stares at his reflection in the mirror for a few seconds before he releases the sigh that’s been building up all day. He leans his hands against the counter and meets his eyes, shaking his head.

What has he gotten himself into? This was only supposed to be a trip to keep Liam out of trouble, and suddenly he’s staying on a farm with a family he doesn’t have any connections to.

And to top it all off, he really doesn’t want to be here at all anymore.

Briefly as he showers the day off of him, he considers whether or not he should look into booking a flight back. He knows it’ll cost a fortune, though, so he closes the idea out and thinks of ways instead that he can make the best of this trip.

Nothing really incredible comes to mind before the water turns tepid, so he figures a good night’s sleep might be the best solution to all of his problems.

After dressing himself, he heads back out into the attic space with dripping wet hair and cold feet on a cold floor.

Emma’s curled up in her bed, with Henry in her lap and a book held open in front of him. Wilby curls himself against Emma’s side with his nose down and eyes half shut. They’re the picture of cozy and warm.

When she glances up at him mid-sentence, he manages a slight smile and a wave, something she doesn’t reciprocate before looking away again.

From his side of the room, he listens to her finish the story. She then says softly, “I love you more than all the stars in the sky, Henry.”

Emma climbs out of bed to settle Henry in his crib, and once she returns to the bed, Wilby has moved to the foot, as if by habit. But Emma comes to the middle of the room, where the edge of the curtain is.

“So I guess we’re roommates for the next few weeks,” she says quietly.

Killian looks up at her and shrugs. “Well.”

Emma glances away from him and suddenly, all he can think about is how her father said they’d get along because she doesn’t believe in soulmates either. She’s very beautiful, her features striking and her poise alluring.

“I take it you haven’t met your soulmate yet.” Killian says.

She looks at him with big eyes and suddenly scowls at him. “Soulmates are a huge waste of time. I have all I need right here.” She gestures to her son and then narrows her eyes at him. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those… scientist guys that spread the Soulmate Gospel far and wide in hopes that people who don’t believe will.”

Killian scoffs. “Far from it. I don’t believe in it. I don’t think my life needs to be defined by a pattern on my side or a name on a piece of paper.”

Emma hums, though her expression remains flat. She folds her arms against her chest and presses her tongue between her lips briefly to wet them.

“Listen, I’m not interested,” she says, “I don’t…”

He’s hit with an awful pang of understanding and immediately scrambles, “Oh, no, don’t- I’m not trying to say I’m looking for love. You don’t need to worry, Emma. I promise I won’t take advantage of your kindness.”

She stares at him for a few moments quietly. Then, having found what she must have been looking for, she nods. “Alright. You want this closed or open? I don’t care either way.”

He stares at where she touches the curtain and thinks about it briefly before he says, “You can leave it open.”

“Okay,” Emma replies. She strings the curtain backwards and then goes to her bed. She turns her night side lamp off with a soft click and then he hears her slide down into bed while his eyes adjust to the darkness. “Night.”

He smiles slightly. “Goodnight.”


	5. Chapter 5

five

Saturday mornings are usually for sleeping in and making cinnamon rolls at the Nolan household. But with Christmas in just two days and so many new people in the house, Emma wakes up at five in the morning and can’t fall back asleep.

She opts to finish reading a book her mother had insisted she read as part of this silly book club they’re apart of with Belle and a couple of their other friends. They meet only once a month and have to read only one book, but Emma always seems to forget that she needs to finish in time for their gathering.

Of course, she’s distracted nearly the whole time she’s trying to read about the many fantastical adventures of Anne of Green Gables. Instead, she finds herself listening to the sound of Killian sleeping. She stares at him, finding his sleeping posture to be incredibly vulnerable.

He’d told her he doesn’t believe in soulmates. The company of someone like minded should be a victory for her, but it doesn’t feel as much like a victory, for whatever reason that may be.

Emma pulls herself out of bed and checks on Henry before she slips into the bathroom to clean up for the day.

With her sweatshirt off, she stares at the marked skin on her side. Gently, she touches the pattern. Her stomach flips and flutters with each press of her fingertips to her skin.

She meets her own eyes in the mirror and shakes her head. “You don’t need to know.”

Quickly, she slides a tee shirt on and stuffs her legs into her jeans. She sits on the toilet to pull on her socks and then gathers her hair up into a ponytail that hangs loose and brushes her back as she walks.

When she spins around and opens the bathroom door, surprised doesn’t quite cover the pang that jumps in her chest when she sees Killian sitting up in his bed, ruffled hair with a hand going through it as he stares at the frost-covered window against the wall.

It’s still very dark, but she can tell the day has started to brighten.

“You’re up,” Emma states quietly so as to not wake Henry.

Killian turns to look at her. He’s entirely too much having just woken up. He manages a lopsided grin and lifts an eyebrow. “Aye. Internal clock isn’t quite lined up to your time zone just yet.”

Emma hums in understanding. “I was going to head down and see if Dad needed any help in the barn.” Feeling awkward about abandoning him here alone, she adds, “If you want to come see what that’s like you can.”

It’s incredibly stupid when it comes out of her mouth, but to further her surprise of the morning, Killian shrugs and rises to his feet. He grabs a few items to change into and turns toward her.

“Sure.”

Emma’s somehow still caught off guard as she stares at him. “I’ll, uh, meet you downstairs.”

“Alright.”

She turns to go and shuts her eyes as a form of chastising herself before she takes the steps as quickly as she can while still keeping quiet.

There aren’t any lights on in the kitchen, and the coffee pot isn’t out just yet, so it must mean that her father has decided to sleep in until seven o’clock rather than his usual five.

Emma sets to making a pot of coffee, having determined and perfected the rhythm with many early mornings of practice.

She considers the gifts she still wants to buy for Charlie and Hannah, and wonders if she needs to get Killian something. They are temporarily rooming together, and she knows being around a baby can’t be all that exciting, so maybe a gift could help smooth it all over.

After pouring herself a mug, she holds it between her hands and stares outside at the snow. It’s coming down harder than it had yesterday, which definitely means they’re going to be calling Graham for a plow, and it’ll be a while before Killian can go meet up with his brother and Elsa.

How are they supposed to keep a new acquaintance entertained for a lazy Saturday in December?

She hears his footfall on the stairs and prepares herself to see him. He enters the kitchen seeming just a little disoriented, but smiles when she offers him a mug of coffee.

“Yes, please.”

He looks good. Well rested. Well-groomed after spending a few minutes in the presence of a mirror. He’s wearing a deep red sweater over a plaid top that peeks out just a little over the collar and jeans that she thinks are a little too tight and will definitely get dirty in the barn.

He smiles against the rim of the mug. “It’s very good. Thanks.”

Emma smiles back. “No problem.”

“So you said your father was out working already?” he asks after licking his lips.

“I think he’s sleeping in, actually. I forgot it’s Saturday.” Emma grabs her boots from the door and uses the counter to help balance while she pushes her feet into them. “So it’s just us out there for the next twenty minutes or so.”

Killian lifts his eyebrows enthusiastically.

“You ready to head out?” Emma asks as she grabs her coat from the hanger on the wall.

“Yeah. Let me just…” Killian sets his coffee down beside hers on the counter and then plucks his jacket from where it hangs on the wall.

The lights hanging on the barn and on the house are on a timer, so they’re not in complete darkness as they make their way out to the barn. Emma uses caution on the snow and turns to peek at her counterpart, who seems just as careful as she’s being.

He slips slightly on a patch of ice and lets out a noise from the back of his throat before wobbling upright and holding still.

“You okay?” Emma teases.

“Aye,” he breathes out in a puff of white air. “Just about slipped.”

“Yeah,” Emma chuckles. She holds out her arm. “Here, hold onto my arm.”

“And bring you down with me?”

Emma shrugs. “I’ve had worse happen.”

She watches him hesitate for only a second more before he grabs onto her hand and holds it almost too tight in his attempt to not slip and fall on their way to the barn.

“We’re going to have to call Sheriff Graham and ask him for a plow on the road.” Emma tells him. “So it’ll be a few hours before you’ll be able to get into town.”

“Ah. I figured as much.” Killian says. He sniffles. “It’s all part of their scheme to keep me out of their plans.”

Emma laughs. “Elsa certainly has a lot of plans for the future.”

“It’s crazy, right? Properly. I’m not mean for thinking it.”

They’ve reached the barn doors now, so Killian releases her so she can open up. She shrugs as she stares at him. “They’re _soulmates_ , so only knowing someone for two months means you can get engaged. Especially if they’re living on a separate continent from you.”

“Oh, obviously.” Killian plays along.

Emma rolls her eyes and pulls the door aside, revealing the animals to them. Slightly breathless, Emma ushers Killian inside before she closes the door behind them.

“Okay, so we have the horses and the cows,” Emma gestures to the rows ahead of them. “And in the back, we have chickens.”

Killian’s eyes widen. “I’m impressed. You’ve got a proper farm here.”

Emma hums. “Dad grew up here. They used to have sheep, and we had them for a while when I was younger, but after a time he got tired of having to shear so we just decided we’d keep horses for horseback riding lessons on the farm and cows and chickens to sell their milk and eggs.”

Killian looks around, obviously taken aback by how big it all is. “I see.”

“We have to clean all of the stalls and make sure everyone gets fed. Dad’ll worry about milking and collecting the eggs.”

Emma’s already on her way to grab the pitchforks from the wall.

Killian whirls around toward her. “We?”

She offers him a pitchfork and lifts her eyebrow at him. “You wanted to come see what it’s like out here.”

He sighs slightly. “I suppose you’re right.”

First, she introduces him to her favorite horse, Snowflake, who also happens to be the calmest of the five they have.

She teaches him how to groom her and after giving her something to eat, they move her out to an empty stall so they can get hers cleaned out.

“This is my favorite part,” Emma says, hoping the sarcasm is clear.

Killian hums. “I can see why.”

They get to work. Killian is a fast learner, she soon finds out, and he’s good company in the early morning. She can hear the wind howling outside, something she’d ordinarily claim cause to stay in.

“So is this anything like a normal morning for you yet?” Emma asks.

Killian stops what he’s doing briefly to look up. He laughs. “Ah… less manure in my daily routine, actually.”

Emma nods. “What is it you do?”

“I run a pub. Liam and I both do. We also own a fishing supply company.”

She furrows her brow and tilts her head to the side. “When I think of pubs I definitely think of fishing supplies.”

Killian laughs. “No, I know. The supply bit is because of our father. Liam wanted the pub. I suppose I just… got dragged into doing both.”

Emma stops what she’s doing. Her stomach twists violently at his words and there’s a foreign tug from the very core of herself.

“What do you want to do?” she finds herself carrying on the conversation.

He shakes his head. “I’m happy enough as it is. It’s family, so even if I wanted to do something else…”

He doesn’t have to finish for her to understand.

Emma looks down at the hay on the floor and picks at it with the tool in her hands. “I was going to school to become an artist. I had _huge_ plans. I was going to move to New York. Open an art gallery. Paint all day, party all night…” She sighs and stops what she’s doing again. “And then I got pregnant and everything changed.”

Why she’s talking about this with a stranger is beyond her, but here she is. Here they are. She stares at him and he stares back, with a knowing look in his eyes.

“I’m working on becoming a police officer now,” she tells him. “One of my friends from high school- Graham- he became the sheriff a few months ago. He and I used to spend a lot of time together.”

She can see the wheels in Killian’s brain turning, but he’s too afraid to ask.

“He’s not Henry’s dad.” Emma says firmly. “His dad left a long time before I even knew about Henry.”

He frowns. “Oh. That’s a shame.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighs. She feels anger bubbling up in the pit of her stomach, so she channels it into the action with the pitchfork in the hay. “He doesn’t deserve any of it, so less of a shame than you think.”

They fall into silence again, having apparently run the newly acquainted discussion topics dry.

Thankfully, her father enters the barn not too long after they finish Snowflake’s stall. He lifts his eyebrows at them.

“Killian. Didn’t think you’d be coming out here your first morning on the farm.”

“Neither did I.” Killian chuckles. “It’s been… rather informative.”

Her father nods his head as he folds his arms to his chest and leans against the outer wall of the next stall they need to clean.

“I called Graham. He said they’ll get to it soon.”

Emma gives him a look. “So it’ll be done by dinnertime.”

Her father shrugs. “Small town. Small plow.”

///

He much prefers the inside of the farmhouse after a morning of hard, smelly labor. He especially prefers it after having a shower and changing out of his clothes.

Mrs. Nolan and Nana Ruth prepare homemade cinnamon buns with Hannah’s help, leaving Killian to sit in the living room with Emma, Charlie, and David watching Henry play with his toys on the floor in front of the Christmas tree.

Emma has Wilby curled around her feet, as if he’s her personal foot warming pup. Killian gestures to the dog and smirks at Emma.

“He seems to have taken quite a liking to you.”

Emma looks down at her feet and hums. “He’s a good boy.”

“He used to be _my_ dog,” David says, looking at Emma and the dog at her feet.

“He still is!” Emma insists. “He just likes me more.”

Her father hums skeptically and takes a sip of his coffee.

Charlie laughs. “Should we get you another dog for Christmas, Dad?”

“No. Your mom would throw a fit.”

Killian’s distracted when his knees are suddenly attacked by little hands. He looks down and discovers Henry waving a block at him.

“Oh, is this for me?” he wonders aloud.

He takes the extended offering, much to Henry’s delight. The boy hurries away on his stout legs and grabs him another toy. This time, it’s a toy truck.

“Thank you, Sir Henry, I’ve been looking for this.”

Henry giggles and then hurries away to grab him another toy from the floor.

“Oh, boy, he’s got you in the toy loop.” Charlie says teasingly. “The only way out is to tickle monster.”

Killian looks down at Henry when he offers him another block. Without any room in his hands, he sets what he’s already been given on his lap and accepts the second block.

The boy hurries away before Killian can even consider what it would mean to tickle such a small child.

Emma climbs off of the couch and drops to her hands and knees, going slowly toward Henry like a lion hunting for prey. Henry sees her, of course, and runs before Emma starts to move toward him.

“I’m gonna get you! I’m gonna tickle you!”

“Nooo!” Henry’s voice is high as he runs circles around the middle of the room. Emma lets him escape her grasp twice before she grabs him into her lap. The boy squeals and laughs delightedly when Emma tickles him. “Mommy! Mommy! Nooo!”

Emma laughs. “I got you!”

Killian finds himself smiling in spite of himself. He can’t help it. Henry’s adorable. Emma’s a brilliant mother. Getting to witness a child laugh like this isn’t something he gets to see every day.

She catches his eye and holds contact for a few seconds that feel much longer.

There’s something between them. He’d felt it earlier in the morning, as she explained her predicament in life to him. He dare not think them kindred spirits, and won’t ever even start with soulmates, but he’s never met someone and instantly felt a tug from deep within himself to know more.

It’s ridiculous. He should stop it right this instant.

“Cinnamon rolls are ready!” Mrs. Nolan sings as she enters the room with a tray of the freshly baked goods. “Who’s hungry?”

Charlie’s the first to his feet. “Me!”

His mother chuckles. “Hold on, Charlie. I think we should give Killian first dibs. He’s our guest.”

Killian smiles thankfully at Mary Margaret and happily takes a small plate from the tray. When she distributes the breakfast, all he imagines is how wonderful this must be to have it every day.

He and Liam didn’t grow up with their father at home. They lived with an estranged aunt for many years before she passed away and it forced Brennan to step in. He’d apologized, and like children, they’d accepted it. He’d go on to spend the next ten years failing and apologizing until apologies sounded like play acting.

Killian figures they just have to wait him out another few years before they can sell the business, and with the earnings, they can do whatever they’d like.

It’s good to dream anyway.

“So, Killian, Graham called. Said he’d get our roads plowed by one or two.” David says. “Which means I can finish up my Christmas shopping.”

Ruth seems appalled. “David Benjamin, you had better have a reasonable explanation for why it’s not done already.”

“Don’t worry, Mom, it’s something good.” David flashes her a smile.

“I need to head into town too.” Charlie says.

“Yeah,” Emma sighs. She has a bite of her cinnamon roll and helps Henry with his slice of banana. “I better too before we get completely snowed in tomorrow.”

Killian looks around the room, eyes slightly widened. “Hold on, we’re due to get snowed in tomorrow?”

“Well,” David shrugs. “The weather report said we’re getting that Nor'easter after all. At least some of it.”

Everyone groans, except for Killian. He’s apparently oblivious to just what that will mean for him, but he has a strong feeling it’s not good.

“Don’t worry. We have a generator so if the power goes out, we won’t have to live like cavemen.” David says. “I think it’ll only last a day so maybe on Christmas we can have a sledding competition.”

“That sounds like fun.” Hannah chirps up. She’s snuggled close to Charlie and both of them are almost sickeningly sweet together.

“Nana’s the best at it.” Charlie says. “Aren’t you Nana?”

Ruth wears a wry expression on her face. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

When the room erupts with laughter, Killian watches Emma. She scrunches up her nose and tosses her head back ever so slightly.

“Nana, you beat Dad twice racing down that hill last year.”

He’s sure Ruth must say something silly in response, because Emma laughs again and as her laughter dies down, she looks down at her son in her lap to kiss his head. Then, she meets his eyes, prompting his heart to start slightly as he looks down at his plate.

///

Emma plays with Henry for most of the morning. It’s the best part of her week, getting to spend time with him and not have to go rush off and do something else.

Her father and Charlie take Killian down to the basement and show off their foosball table, something she can still hear them cheering their victories and groaning their losses over from where she’s sitting.

“Sounds like they’re having fun,” her mother remarks from the sofa where she sits with her knitting project.

Emma looks up at her and smiles a little.

“I feel so awful he’s about to get stranded with a bunch of people he doesn’t know very well.” Grandma Ruth says, shaking her head. “Do you think we should do something to try and help?”

“What can we do?” her mother replies. “There’s no space at Elsa’s apartment. The Inn is full. We’re the only choice he has.”

Her grandmother sighs wistfully. “Oh well. At least he’s not terrible on the eyes and he has a nice voice.”

“Nana!” Emma and her mother both admonish at the same time.

Nana smiles wryly at Emma. “I see how you look at him. You think so too.”

Emma gives her a look. “I do not. I-”

The women hum. “Emma, I know you swore off soulmates, but that doesn’t mean you have to swear off dating.”

Emma lifts her eyebrows at her mother, begging her to stop talking. “I’m not about to start dating a random guy that I just met yesterday, Mom.”

“How about August?” Hannah asks. She’s sitting on the recliner with her phone in her lap.

Emma starts stammering stupidly as a blush crawls up her neck and toward her ears. “I- no- August is just a friend.”

Hannah chuckles. “Hey. It’s okay.” She shifts in her seat. “But your mom’s right. You don’t have to swear off dating. I think your parents just would like to see you, I don’t know… moving on with your life.”

Emma looks over at her mom and then down at Henry. “I’m happy. And I’m working on saving up to move out. We’ve talked about that.”

“I know,” her mom promises. “I’m sorry. I keep bringing it up and I should know better. I guess I just want you to have someone. You deserve to feel loved after what happened.”

Emma’s heart sinks and she swallows at the memories she has of what happened in years past. She sighs softly and plays with Henry’s hair, combing it back with her fingers and letting it smooth out forwards again.

As she contemplates how nice it might be to have someone not only for herself, but for Henry, her father comes up the stairs from the basement and enters the room with a bright smile.

“Good news, everyone. Roads have been cleared. We can head into town.”

Emma looks over at her companions and lifts her eyebrows playfully. “Then I guess I’m going Christmas shopping.” She chuckles and gives Henry’s cheek a kiss. “Do you want to come with me, baby?”


	6. Chapter 6

six

Killian rides into town with David, Emma, and Henry in the black pickup truck because it has the best wheels for snow, according to David.

On the way, he texts Liam to ask where he should meet he and his new fiancée. Granny’s is the answer, sent several minutes after the initial question.

“I suppose I’ll just… meet you back in front of Granny’s in an hour?” Killian asks.

“Why don’t you just give Emma your number?” David suggests. “I’d get it, but I left my phone at home.”

Emma makes a sound that causes both Killian and David to glance back at her. “Dad doesn’t use his phone even in emergencies anyway.”

“Not true,” he defends himself. “I do use it most days. I just… get tired of the dang thing.”

Killian hums. He hesitates with his phone in his palm. “Uh, I have an international number, so-”

“Oh, right,” Emma pulls her phone from between her legs and opens an app. “Here. You can just type it in.”

With Emma’s phone in his hands, he feels oddly like this should be a bigger moment between them. He’s giving her his number, which could lead to all sorts of things down the road. Like texting when he’s gone, and maintaining a friendship. The prospect strangely thrills him.

After typing his number in, he adds his name and then passes the device back to Emma. “There you go. I’ll just-”

“I’ll text you so you can let us know when you’re ready to head back.” Emma nods. She wears a soft smirk on her lips, like she knows something.

“Right.” Killian smiles back. “Thanks for the ride into town, Dave. I’ll be in touch.”

“Have a good time.” David says, sounding every bit like a parent dropping his child off for school for the day. It almost makes Killian laugh, but he keeps the thought to himself and pulls open the truck door.

It’s freezing outside, so he moves as fast as he can to get into Granny’s Diner. The establishment is nearly packed to the brim with people, to the point that he thinks he might be at the wrong diner.

Thankfully, Elsa comes to his aid at the front door. Today, she’s wearing a Christmas sweater and smiles brightly at him.

“Hey, Killian. I’m so sorry you got stuck this morning. I heard the snow was pretty bad last night.”

Killian shakes his head. “Small town. Small plow.”

Elsa chuckles. “Too true. C’mon. Liam is starving and we have to talk to you about so much.”

Killian raises his eyebrows. “Not too much, I hope.”

Either she doesn’t hear him, or she chooses not to have. They arrive at the booth toward the back of the diner and Liam immediately smiles kindly at him.

“Brother, it’s nice to see you. How’s life on the farm?”

“It’s…” Killian pauses to find the right word and shifts out of his coat and scarf. “It’s very homely. You’d like it there.”

Liam hums thoughtfully. “Well, I’m glad you seem to be enjoying it at least.”

“Not as much as I would if I were here with you like I was supposed to be at the start.” Killian sighs. He settles his hands on the table. “So what have you been up to while I’ve been away?”

Elsa and Liam exchange happy glances.

“Well, Killian, we’ve set a date for the wedding.”

Killian’s heart plummets to his belly nervously. “Oh?”

Elsa nods. “Yes. We’ve decided to get married on Christmas.”

He blinks once. Twice. A third time. Narrows his eyes slightly, then widens them. “Christmas. You mean, as in, next Christmas. So you’ll have a year to plan.”

Elsa laughs and looks up at his brother fondly. “No, I meant this Christmas.”

“That’s in two days.” Killian blurts out with frustration lacing his tone. “You can’t possibly expect to plan and execute a wedding in two days.”

Liam shrugs and shakes his head. “We found out that we can get a same-day marriage license. Anna’s going to be Elsa’s maid of honor. I thought you’d be my best man. We’ve got rings from the pawn shop.”

Elsa nods excitedly. “And we’ll have it at Town Hall at dusk with string lights and folding chairs. I’ve already found someone to officiate too.”

The fact that they’ve thought so much of it through has his mind spinning. He scrambles thinking about all of the things they haven’t considered, like the repercussions of getting married on a complete entire whim.

“Dad’s in England, Li. You can’t possibly-”

Liam makes a face. “I don’t need Dad here for this.” He takes Elsa’s hand atop the table. “I have everything I need right here.”

He looks between them for a few silent moments. Then, staring at his brother, who he’d grown up thinking was his hero, he feels frustrated tears rise to the surface.

“Liam, you can’t be this stupid and naive. I won’t allow it.”

Elsa shrinks back slightly and looks up at the man she’s engaged herself to. Liam’s jaw clenches and he meets Killian’s gaze firmly.

“I’m not asking your permission, Killian.”

Killian laughs. “That’s obvious. I thought you were smarter than this.”

His brother clears his throat and says lowly, “We should take this outside. If that’s how you feel.”

He grabs his coat and scarf and is out of the diner before Liam even has a chance to get to his feet. Killian waits on the snow-covered patio, near iced over tables and chairs that have no use in the winter season.

The cold bites his ears and cheeks. Every time he takes a breath he sees it in the air before him. Eventually, Liam emerges from the diner with his coat on and a hat covering his ears.

“Killian, when I told you I was coming on this trip, I told you I planned on proposing. I know it’s not the life you want for yourself, soulmates, but it’s the one I’ve chosen.”

“When you found out who she was you hid the envelope and lied that you’d ever read it.” Killian says. “You didn’t want her. For four whole years.”

His brother looks down at the snow and then up at him again. “That’s not true.”

“No?” Killian asks. “You looked her up. You knew exactly where she was. What she looked like.”

He searches his eyes. He’s started breathing faster now, years of pent-up emotion coming forward all at once.

“Killian, it’s not what you think,” Liam says hardly. “I was afraid. I didn’t have the money. Papa was breathing down my neck about starting grooming me to take his place. I couldn’t just… leave and go find her. I had you to think about. I had-”

“Don’t give me that.” Killian shakes his head.  “Don’t give me that. It’s a complete load of garbage. I think you spent your whole life running from it because you were afraid you’d end up like him.”

Liam suddenly comes closer to him, snow crunching violently beneath his boots. He grabs him by the collar and shakes him. “You listen to me. This has nothing to do with him. _Nothing_.”

“You’re the president of the company, Liam.” Killian says, a snarl on his lips. “You tell me who’s more like our father.”

His brother releases him and steps away. He sniffles due to the cold and glances away briefly when people walk past them on the sidewalk.

“I’m marrying Elsa. In two days. I still want you there, but I’ll understand if you don’t come.”

“Don’t do this,” Killian pleads. “Liam. Please. Just wait a while.”

His brother takes a generous step backwards away from him. “I’m in love. I don’t want to wait.”

Killian sighs heavily. He runs his hand over his head as his brother heads back inside. He flexes his fingers before curling them in toward his palm and out again.

Going back inside is out of the question, for fear of ruining the rest of the day with his bitter attitude. Instead, Killian turns toward Main Street and thinks about where else he might be able to grab a bite to eat.

He remembers seeing a bar called The Rabbit Hole on his initial tour around town, so he starts in that direction. At the very least, he can drown his sorrows in cheap spirits and American football on crappy televisions.

///

Emma finishes picking out gifts for Hannah and Charlie and steps outside with Henry busy chattering to himself from his stroller seat.

She still needs to find Killian something, but she imagines he might be happy with something made at the farm, so she starts thinking about what sort of handmade soap or candle he might want from her mother’s secret stash.

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, causing her to stop moving so she can check the message. It’s from Elsa, of all people.

Elsa: _If you’re in town I really need to talk to you. I’m at the park behind my apartment._

Sighing, Emma bites at her lip. She really doesn’t have the energy to be on board with Elsa and her non-stop soulmate talking points today, but as one of her best friends, she has an obligation to.

Emma: _Hang tight. I’m on my way._

Luckily, the walk isn’t too far, even in the cold, so when she gets to the park and finds Elsa sitting on their favorite bench, her patience isn’t terribly stretched thin.

“Hey. Everything okay?” Emma asks as she approaches Elsa.

Her friend, who had been looking away from her, turns slightly startled by her arrival. “Emma. Yes, yes, sorry. I should have specified that in the text.”

“It’s alright.” Emma smiles a little. She brushes off the spot beside Elsa on the bench and sits down. It’s freezing and she knows her jeans are going to be wet later, but this is what friendship is. “What’s going on?”

Elsa turns to Emma after waving at Henry. Her smile is kind, and her eyes are bright. “Liam and I are getting married on Christmas. Not in the morning, because families and presents, but in the evening.”

Emma’s eyes widen faster than they ever have before. “Wow! That soon, huh?”

Her friend laughs joyously. “Yes. I know it’s a little fast, but we decided that we’d rather not wait and deal with all of the back-and-forth for a year while we planned the wedding. And this way, Liam can get a green card because we’ll be married.”

“He’s moving here,” Emma says, to which Elsa nods. “Wow. That’s… a lot of great big decisions in less than, what, half a day of being engaged?”

Elsa tilts her head to the side ever so slightly. “You sound like Killian. He doesn’t want us getting married this soon either, but… it’s like Liam said, we love each other, we’re both here, and it just makes sense. Why wait?”

Emma certainly can think of a few reasons to wait, but Elsa’s so happy and she knows they both have their heads on straight. They’ll be fine, even if it’s fast and they’re likely going to encounter a lot of issues down the road because of rash decision making.

“I’m really happy and excited for you,” Emma finally says. She leans in for a hug, one Elsa happily accepts.

“I’m so glad.” Elsa pulls away from the hug. “I was hoping I could count on you being there. Anna’s going to be my maid of honor, but I want you to be a bridesmaid.”

It’s flattering to say the least, that her friend would want her to be part of her wedding party. It’s something they’d joke about as teenagers, but for some reason, Emma never thought it would actually happen, so to hear Elsa so enthusiastic about the idea makes her almost blush with delight.

“I’d love to.”

“Yeah?”

Emma laughs. “Of course. You’re my best friend.”

They hug again, this time a little bit longer. Elsa pulls back with tears in her eyes. “Sorry. I’m just… so happy.”

“It’s okay,” Emma chuckles. “Hey, let’s go get cocoa at Granny’s. I’m freezing.”

Elsa bobs her head in agreement. “I just came from there, but I don’t want to go back to my apartment just yet. Liam’s still a bit upset from his conversation with Killian.”

As they walk toward Granny’s Diner, Elsa informs her that Killian left shortly after arriving to the establishment, after fighting with his brother outside. The thought makes her wary, not knowing where he went or in what condition he’ll be in when he decides it’s time to go back to the farm.

Her father had promised to meet her outside of the toy shop in about half an hour, at which point they’d wait on Killian’s text. But apparently, Killian has disappeared.

Maybe it’s a good thing she has his phone number.

After they sit in a booth at the diner and Emma has Henry coloring the kids menu, she decides to pull out her phone and check on Killian.

Emma: _Hey. You okay? Ran into Elsa. She said you disappeared._

Almost within a full second of her sending the message, three typing dots appear on screen. Her eyes widen slightly at the eagerness of his reply, and she looks up as she waits for it.

“So, any plans tonight?” Elsa asks. “Liam and I are planning on going to Granny’s special dinner ball.”

“Granny’s having that this year?” Emma wonders. “Didn’t one of the dwarves almost set the place on fire last time?”

Elsa laughs. “I don’t know. I wasn’t there.”

Emma hums. While it does sound kind of fun, she has Henry and she’d really rather stay at home when she has the chance to. She’s really surprised her mother hasn’t been on her about going. A dinner and dance are just up her aisle.

Her phone vibrates in her hand and immediately, she looks down to find Killian’s response.

Killian: _I’m alright. Where are you? I can meet you. I’m done in town._

Hesitantly, Emma looks at her friend.

“It’s my dad,” she lies, holding up her phone slightly. “He says we need to get going.”

“Oh,” Elsa frowns. “Well, will I see you tonight?”

Emma starts to get Henry ready, much to his chagrin. He fusses, wanting to color still. “I don’t know. It depends on what’s going on at home.”

“I understand.” Elsa smiles slightly, though Emma can tell she’s disappointed. “Well, I’ll for sure see you on Christmas at least.”

Emma nods. “Yes. Of course you will. If you need anything, you can call or text. I’ll do whatever I can with the storm coming in.”

“Oh, shoot. That’s right.” Elsa’s eyes go wide. “Do you think it’ll clear out by Christmas?”

“Dad seems to think so.” Emma shrugs. She gets Henry into his stroller and buckles him in. “I don’t know though. We can talk about backup plans later, okay?”

“Okay.” her friend nods. “Well, we’ll hope for the best and prepare for the worst.”

///

Emma tells Killian to meet her at the toy store, where apparently they’re due to meet David.

He’s freezing when he gets there, the wind in the air not a help at all. He tugs at his scarf, trying to get more of his cheeks covered, and turns just in time to find Emma approaching, looking every bit as miserable as he feels.

“Let’s go inside,” she says, her face brightening up at the sight of him. She laughs when a gust hits her particularly hard. “It’s freezing out here!”

Her joy makes him smile behind his scarf. He hurries to the door and gets it open for her to push Henry’s stroller inside. Almost instantly, as soon as they’re safe with the door shut, he feels warm relief.

They both sigh contentedly and tug at their scarves so they can see each other.

“I can’t wait to get back home and not have to deal with that,” Emma says with a shiver. She stares at him cautiously. “So what’s going on? Elsa said you and your brother had a… heated conversation.”

Killian’s heart sinks to his belly and he feels embarrassment, for whatever reason. He reaches behind his ear by force of habit and scratches for a second before dropping his arms to his sides.

“Ah, yeah. We… don’t agree on a lot of things lately.”

Emma studies him and nods in understanding. “Charlie and I were the same way when he found out who his soulmate was.” She takes a breath and looks down when her son makes a noise. “I know, kid.” She laughs a little and lifts an eyebrow at him. “Maybe coming inside a toy store was a bad idea.”

Killian gets the feeling that she’d rather not talk about soulmates, something he wholeheartedly agrees with. He’d rather never think about them ever again, but apparently it’s something that’s started following him around recently.

“Dad said he’d meet me in front of this store in ten minutes,” Emma tells Killian. “He’s never late. He’ll probably be early, so it shouldn’t be too long at all.”

“That’s good. I’m finished with my business in town, so I’m ready when he arrives.”

He gestures to the bags in his hands, gifts he’d purchased for the Nolan family when he found out the bar wasn’t serving much food from the menu today.

His companion hums. She flexes her fingers at her sides while she looks around at the toys in the quirky and fun shop. There are a lot of other customers wandering the aisles, as well as children playing with trains and building blocks set out for such activity.

Killian watches Emma move away from him, staying near enough to the window to check on her father, but enough that she can also peruse some toys he imagines Henry would love.

Helpless and feeling just slightly awkward, he follows her. His presence at her side draws her attention to him with a tiny, thin-lipped smile. She’s staring and running her fingers over a fuzzy bunny with floppy ears.

“I had one of these when I was growing up,” she explains, “Charlie ruined it when I was ten by dragging it through the mud and yanking one of his eyes out.”

Killian frowns. “Well, that’s not very nice.”

Emma hums and moves forward, away from the rabbit that clearly carries great emotional meaning for her.

“It’s kind of Henry’s first official Christmas,” she says, “because last year, he was too small to do anything but sleep and eat and poop.”

Killian chuckles. “I see.”

“I bought him way too many toys and I know my mom did too.” Emma shakes her head. “He’s going to be so spoiled.”

He admires the way she softens around the edges when she talks about her son. Often, she seems hard to reach, a little tough after what life must have brought her through.

Killian looks at the wall before them, at the stuffed animals that Henry’s little fingers reach for from the stroller seat. He goes to one and plucks it off of the shelf, giving it to the boy, who receives it happily.

“Uh oh,” Emma teases. “Now you have to get it for him. He won’t be happy if you take it away.”

“He loves it!” Killian beams at the way Henry cuddles the teddy bear. He hasn’t had much experience with children, but Henry makes him want to do everything in his power to get to play with kids more often.

Emma leans in and attempts to take the toy away, but Killian stops her with a gentle hand against her arm. “No need. I’ll buy it for him.”

Emma doesn’t appear to know what to do with that information. Killian peeks up at the lad’s mother and shrugs. “An early Christmas gift from me.”

“You don’t have to.” Emma says.

He shrugs. “I want to.”

She sighs helplessly. “Fine.”

Suddenly, her phone rings, and she frowns before she digs into her pocket to discover who it is. “It’s my mom. Okay, I’ll be right back. You can get the bear.”

He grins and nods. “Thank you for your permission.”

“Watch him?”

Before he can assure her that he has Henry, she steps away from him and to the front of the store, so she can take the call in privacy and not disturb the other shoppers.

With a quick glance her way to make sure she isn’t watching him, Killian murmurs on a smirk, “Don’t worry, Nolan, I’ve got you a gift as well.”

He goes back a few steps until he finds the rabbit she’d lingered on and grabs it from the shelf. It’s soft in his hands. He can see why Emma would have liked it so much.

With Henry still holding the teddy bear, he walks to the register to pay.

“Hi,” the saleswoman, whose nametag reads Aurora, chirps. “All ready to check out?”

“Aye, yes,” Killian gestures to Henry in the stroller. “I’ll buy this as well, but he doesn’t fancy letting go.”

Aurora chuckles. “That’s alright. I’ve got it.” Her eyes go to the head of the store where Emma went and then back to him. “It’s nice to see Emma happy.”

Killian frowns. “Is she usually unhappy?”

“No,” Aurora shakes her head. “It’s just that she’s been through a lot lately.” With a bigger smile than before, she amends, “It’s nice to see Emma’s moved on.”

He opens his mouth to refute the idea that she must have about he and Emma, but he has no time because she tells him how much he owes instead.

As soon as he’s done paying, he pushes Henry’s stroller forward and to the door. He can see David’s truck parked out front, and Emma’s got the door open while she talks to him from the ground.

On a frown, he checks on Henry to make sure he’ll be warm outside. “Alright, you ready, lad? Out we go.”

Henry says something that sounds like, “Weee!”

The thought at least makes him smile. He adjusts his scarf and tugs at the edge of his hat with one hand holding the bags from his shopping while pushing Henry.

When he ends up near Emma, she sighs and turns back to him. “Oh, hi. Sorry, I totally abandoned you guys in there.”

“It’s quite alright. Everything okay?”

Emma’s eyes widen slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine. Mom just wanted to know when we were coming back. No big deal.”

She sets to grabbing Henry out of the stroller and feeling like he should help, he folds the stroller down once Henry’s out.

It takes just as long for Emma to get Henry buckled into his seat as it takes for him to fold up the stroller, so when she turns around and he has the stroller ready to get slid into the backseat, her eyes widen again.

“Oh. You- okay. Thanks.” Emma puts the stroller inside the back of the truck’s cab and then hops up to climb inside.

Killian does the same, entering the front row with ease.

David grins at him. “Howdy. How was town?”

Killian lifts his eyebrows. “Inspired.”


	7. Chapter 7

seven

Henry falls asleep on the ride home, so when they get back, Emma puts him to bed for a nap and then goes back downstairs tugging on the sleeves of her favorite sweater and Wilby hurrying behind her.

Charlie and Hannah are sitting on the floor in front of the television, teasing each other while they play an old Mario game, and Nana’s watching half-heartedly with her recent crochet blanket project in her lap.

“Hey, guys,” Emma smiles slightly. “Where’d Killian go?”

Nana flashes her a grin. “I believe he’s in the kitchen with your mother.”

She lingers for a second, not wanting to seem like she’s interested in being around Killian- for obvious reasons- and then after witnessing Charlie get defeated by his fiancée, she sneaks out of the room to find her mother and Killian standing at the kitchen island.

“Emma!” her mother practically sings. “Dad went out to the barn for a few things. Do you want to help us bake the gingerbread for the First Annual Nolan Household Gingerbread House Contest?”

Emma lifts an eyebrow, glancing at Killian who wears a lighthearted smirk on his lips. “That’s a mouthful.”

“I know, I know, Killian and I were trying to think of something shorter.”

“So it was his idea?” Emma wonders casually. She makes her way toward the island where they’re rolling out the dough.

“Yeah, I suppose,” he shrugs. “It’s just that, back home, we used to build gingerbread houses. I asked Mary Margaret if you did that here too, but I guess of all the traditions you have, that’s not one.”

Emma nods in understanding. Thoughtfully, she watches them. “Okay, yeah, I’ll help.”

“Great,” her mother says, taking an immediate step back. “Because I need to go out.”

Emma’s mouth falls open and her mother scuttles around her to the door where her boots are sitting.

“Like, _out_ , out?” Emma asks. “To town?”

Her mother wears the calmest smile and rolls her eyes only a little. “Yes. I’ll only be a little while. I have to pick up something I ordered and I also should grab some more sugar if we’re going to be baking tomorrow.”

“We’ve got this under control, I think, Mrs. Nolan.”

Her mother looks between them and lifts her shoulders giddily. “Alright. I’ll be off. Killian has the recipe.”

Emma sighs and takes her mother’s old spot right beside Killian, who glances down at the cookbook. She hears the door close and then looks up at her newfound baking partner.

He stares back at her and tilts his head back toward the sink. “Wash your hands, Nolan. I know they’re a filthy mess after you changed that diaper.”

Emma rolls her eyes, but does as he requests. “So you make gingerbread houses at home.”

He hums. “Yep.”

She dries her hands and joins him again. “What else do you do for Christmas usually?”

Killian takes a deep breath and thinks about it. He looks down at her and shakes his head.

“Decorate the tree. Breakfast for Christmas Eve dinner.” He shrugs. “Christmas morning presents and a special dinner. Sometimes we go sailing.”

“On Christmas?” Emma asks, surprised.

“Sure. Our father owns a whole fleet of ships. He doesn’t care if we take one out so long as we bring it back.”

Emma hums. “The more I learn about you, I’m starting to think you’re a billionaire disguising himself as the scorned brother of my best friend’s fiancé.”

Killian laughs. “I’m not even slightly rich, I assure you.” He stares at her for a few seconds. “One Christmas, when I was small, when my mother was still with us, she brought us to the movie theater and we sat and watched movies all day long. I thought we owned the place. She loved it there too.”

The idea makes her smile a little. “What was her favorite?”

“Movie?” he asks. Emma nods. “I think she really loved anything with Jimmy Stewart. I remember she’d watch his movies a lot.”

“And how about you?” she wonders.

“I… don’t know. I haven’t taken time for myself in a long time.” Killian admits. He looks down at the countertop and starts rolling out the dough again.

“Too busy?”

“That. And I guess… I just don’t want time for myself. Leaves too much space to think.”

It’s a weird reason to not want to take time for himself, but she gets it. Weirdly, she does.

Whatever regrets and past mistakes he has for not wanting to think too much makes her curious from that same part of her that wanted to know more about him when she first met him.

It’s a tug from her very core, a pull that makes her have to close her lips together before she says too much or asks too much.

“My dad says thinking too much is the best way to get nowhere fast. He says you should just get it all out in the open. Work it out. It’s a lot healthier that way.”

Killian stares down at her with sorrow-filled eyes. He parts his lips as if about to speak, but instead, the door opens, jarring both of their attentions away from each other and to the arrival of her father.

“Hey,” he greets warmly. “Mom left?”

“Yeah,” Emma nods. “She went to town really quick.”

Furrowing his brow, he looks at the countertop. “What’s going on in here?”

“We’re making gingerbread houses.” Killian speaks up after clearing his throat.

“For the First Annual Gingerbread House Building Competition.”

Her father laughs. “That sounds like a lot of fun. When’s that going to be?”

Emma shrugs. “Whenever Mom gets back, I guess.”

“Huh!” Her father laughs again. He barely peels out of his coat before he walks into the other room and loudly asks, “Did you hear we’re having a Gingerbread House Building Competition?”

Emma can’t help but giggle. She finds herself looking at Killian again, at the quiet and calm way he smiles to himself while finishing rolling out the dough. He turns to her.

“I guess it’s a big deal around here.”

“ _Competition_ is a big deal around here,” Emma amends. “I can’t believe we haven’t done something like this before.”

He directs his attention to the pastry roller on the counter. He grabs it and offers it to her. Their fingers brush ever so slightly, igniting a sudden blossoming sensation in the pit of her belly.

“Well, I’m glad I could add something new to your Christmas.”

///

The First Annual Nolan Family Gingerbread Building Competition is held in the dining room. The formal one, not at the kitchen table.

They have bowls and plates filled with potential toppers, and plenty of icing to go around. To top it all off, they’re listening to Christmas music from a speaker Charlie brought to the room.

“Okay, so I’m setting the timer for an hour,” her father announces from the head of the table, quieting the chatty and excited group. “At the end of the hour, Nana will judge all of the houses without knowing who made them.”

Nana smiles from where she stands in the doorway. “I’m very excited to see what you come up with.”

Emma stands with Henry on her hip beside Killian. Across from them, Hannah and Charlie have their separate stations, but for now, Charlie has his arms wrapped around Hannah from behind.

Emma casts a glance toward Killian when a flare of jealousy strikes her chest in a desperate and selfish pang.

He seems to always look at her when she looks his direction. It’s cause for her to rip her attention promptly away from him, instead at her mother who stands opposite her father on the other side of Emma.

She grins and reaches out to squeeze Henry’s toes. “Whatcha think, Henry? Will Grandma win?”

Henry burrows close to Emma. She laughs. “He thinks _we’ll_ win.”

“Everyone ready?” her father asks. Emma looks to him and nods in confirmation. Everyone else cheers. “In three. Two. One… go!”

Even though they have a full hour to assemble their houses, everyone scrambles to grab what they want. Laughter bounces around the room and teasing taunts are called out from almost the get-go.

Emma decides to take her time. She sets Henry down on a chair and after building the structure, she grabs some gumdrops.

“Here, show Mommy where we should put this.” Emma says with a kiss to the top of Henry’s head.

He grins up at her, then holds the candy out in his palm.

“What about… here?” Emma moves his hand to the house and she applies a dab of icing so it’ll stick. “Ooh, nice job, Henry!”

“Let me see!” her mother gasps, taking a moment to step away from her own creation to fawn over her grandson.

The moment makes Emma’s chest nearly burst, seeing how happy Henry gets with his grandmother kissing him and hugging him over something so simple. It’s everything she’d hoped this might be for him.

She’s decided their gingerbread house will just be a mess of candy, because it’s more fun that way- to keep sticking things on- so she goes to reach for a candy cane but ends up bumping into Killian instead.

“Oops,” Killian glances up at her apologetically. “After you, milady.”

Emma can’t help but smile. She plucks up a few and sneaks a glance at him after putting it at her station only to find him doing the same.

She shakes off the feeling she gets and returns to Henry and the candy canes. Her son would like to suck on them, to no surprise, so she has to pull them out of his grasp before he ruins them for their display.

After only about twenty minutes, she finishes her candy-covered design and Henry gets bored of the whole thing, so after cleaning him up in the kitchen, she carries him into the living room where Nana’s waiting, watching a movie on low volume.

“Is he all done?” she asks, laughing a little.

Emma nods. “Yeah. He’d rather get his hands all sticky than decorate anything.”

A little tired herself, Emma joins her grandmother on the couch while Henry gets into his toy bin. She leans her head against Nana Ruth’s shoulder and the woman hums as her arm goes around her to hold her tight.

“Have I ever told you about how I met your grandfather?”

Emma pulls back slightly and shakes her head. “No. I don’t think so.”

Her grandmother wears the calmest expression on her face. She looks away, at Henry, thoughtfully.

“Things were a lot simpler. Soulmates, we heard rumors of the mark, but we didn’t know for sure.” She pauses. “So it was a matter of waiting until you found someone you liked. Well, I waited a long time. I wasn’t going to settle.”

Nana chuckles, prompting Emma to do the same. Her grandmother stares at her affectionately.

“I had a friend who had recently moved into town. Her brother was off in the war, and on the day the men came home, I was in the old diner by the window cleaning tables and talking with my friend. And the door opened, and there he was. Broody as can be, tall, handsome, and dead hungry.”

Emma laughs. “He always was, wasn’t he?”

Nana chuckles. “He certainly was.” Her grandmother rubs Emma’s arm. “Now here’s the important part, Emma. I can’t say I had a thought, but I certainly had a feeling. Right here.” Her grandmother shows her where, pressing her fingers against her middle. “Deep inside. A tug, a pull, a _knowing_.”

The words resonate more than they should. Her heart jumps against her ribcage and she feels her face fall.

“I could tell he felt it too,” she adds in a low voice, “because he had a look in his eyes. He just _knew_.”

Her mouth feels dry, so she licks her lips and clears her throat. “Were you soulmates? Did your marks match?”

Nana Ruth smiles softly to herself for a moment before she nods. “But we didn’t need proof. And neither did your parents. And neither do you.”

With racing thoughts, Emma’s heart beats faster than it should. She leans her head against her grandmother’s shoulder and stares at her son.

“There’s something about this time of year that has me thinking about him,” Nana says. “Thank you for listening to me ramble.”

Emma holds her closer. “I’d listen to you ramble any day, Nana.”

///

With only five minutes on the clock remaining, Emma makes her way back into the formal dining room to find her mother sitting over by her father, who has long since finished his design. They’re chatting in low tones.

Meanwhile, Charlie and Hannah have left the room entirely, leaving Killian all by himself while he pipes out icing for what’s left of his house.

“Show off.” Emma teases. She comes to stand beside him. He’s kneeling now, focused on crafting the perfect design.

He presses his tongue between his lips. “You’ll never win if you don’t take your time. Haven’t you heard of the tortoise and the hare?”

Emma hums. She admires what he’s done so far. It’s practically a professional’s job, with even lines and pretty twirls all done in icing.

“Do you recognize it?” he asks. He rises to his feet, having apparently finished, and sets his piping bag to the side.

She analyzes the house while he wipes his hands on his legs. Suddenly, she does. There’s a little wrap-around porch and black shutters on the windows. He’s even managed to make the Christmas tree in the window where the living room is.

To top it all off, he made little people out of candies. They’re half as good as the work he did on the house, but she thinks she recognizes herself and Henry, with Wilby at her side.

Looking up at him again, he has an eyebrow lifted as if anticipating her praise. She hums.

“Yeah. It’s nice.”

“ _Nice_?” he asks dramatically. “It’s a bloody masterpiece.”

Emma shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve seen much better.”

There’s a playful glint in his eyes, one she’s sure matches the one in hers. She smirks a little when he shakes his head and sticks his tongue into his cheek.

“Have you now?”

Emma hums. “In my free time I’m into gingerbread house culture.”

It almost breaks him, but he keeps a straight face. He reaches for something on the table, but pulls it back to himself before she can see what it is.

“Well, I suppose you’ll win and I’ll have to take a lesson or two from you.”

“That’s the only solution.” Emma nods in agreement.

They stand there quietly, staring at each other, until Killian suddenly tosses a marshmallow at her. She gasps in surprise and grabs a candy cane from the table.

“Watch out. I’m armed.”

Killian breaks, finally, a smile spreading easily toward his ears. He laughs and puts his hands up in the air. “Fine, fine. You win.”

Emma laughs in victory, a facade that is only broken by the fact that her parents are sitting in the room, now dead silent. When the alarm her father had set goes off, Emma looks away from Killian, instead at the wall, and then the floor.

She decides to go get Henry, because she really shouldn’t look at her parents and see their expectant grins, or back at Killian to see that stupid way his eyebrows dance.

Her son crashes into her legs the second she enters the room, something that causes she and Nana Ruth to both laugh.

“Woah, kid. Slow down!” Emma says. She squats down to take him into her arms and as soon as he’s holding on, she stands. “Nana, we’re ready for you in the other room.”

After Emma makes her way back into the dining room with her grandmother in tow, she goes to her spot. All of the houses have been moved, now all displayed at the end of the table for Nana’s close inspection.

Charlie and Hannah have returned from wherever they went, both of them with mugs of something warm to drink in hand.

“Well, let’s see what we have here.”

All of the entries are impressive, but none more than Killian’s. It’s very clear to probably everyone in the room that he should win.

After a short while, the oldest member of the Nolan family looks up with a wise smile. “I have decided upon a winner.” She points at Killian’s model version of the house and says, “I think we’d all be in agreement that this is the best.”

Groans come from her dad and Charlie.

“C’mon, Nana, mine’s right next to it!”

Grandma Ruth holds up her hands. “Hold on, I didn’t say it wins. I really love the spirit of this one.” She points to Emma’s and Henry’s candy mess. “So this is my winner.”

Emma’s eyes widen and she gasps. She puts her fingers on Henry’s belly and he looks up at her. “Henry, we won!”

“Well, I can’t argue with that.” Charlie concedes.

Her father makes his way around the table just so he can ruffle Henry’s hair and kiss his head. “That’s my little guy. Winning on his first try.”

“Good job, Henry!” her mom sings in her ear. Emma turns so her mother can see the baby. “I can’t believe we have another artist in the family.”

They all laugh and Emma finds herself looking at Killian, again.

He winks at her. “Nicely done, Emma. You and Henry did excellent work.”

“Thanks. Yours wasn’t too bad, either.”

///

After Henry gets a bath and finishes his bedtime routine, Emma sits cross legged on her bed and strokes Wilby’s ears. She looks lovely, hair hanging over her shoulder and posture relaxed.

He’s supposed to be checking work important emails, sending off replies, and making sure his father knows all the details of the wedding that he’d been given, but all he can do is look at her.

It’s silly that he’s so distracted, but she is a beautiful woman and he a warm-blooded male. On a heavy sigh, he shuts the lid of his computer.

“I had fun tonight,” he says quietly enough that it won’t wake Henry. “Building gingerbread houses. Your family is… a lot of fun.”

Emma doesn’t look up when she speaks. “Yeah.”

“Congratulations again on your victory, by the way. Well deserved.”

She looks up at that and smirks. “Hell yeah it was.” Emma seems to analyze him before she speaks again. “So I heard you’re not going to the wedding.”

Killian releases a hard breath. “Well, I don’t know yet.”

“He’s your brother.”

“I know.”

Silence sits heavy between them. Emma shifts so she rests her head against the wall. She presses her hands between her legs and looks upward.

“It’s… not…” Killian hesitates. He picks at a loose string on the quilt upon his bed as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “I love him, but marrying someone he doesn’t know just because they’re soulmates is the epitome of why I hate the idea of them. People act too quickly. What’s the use?”

Emma laughs dryly. “I know. Charlie almost married Hannah a month after they found out, but Dad got them to wait by saying he’d pay for it if they waited until they were finished with school.”

“The more I learn about your father, the more I love the man.”

She laughs more honestly this time and sits upright again. Her expression softens. “I haven’t heard you talk about anyone in your life other than your dad and your brother. And your mom, once. Is there anyone waiting for you back home? Someone you should be spending your Christmas with?”

Killian shakes his head. “My father recently remarried. She has a son. I guess I should be spending it with them.” He clears his throat. “But, no, no girlfriend or… anyone who misses me. Even my father probably doesn’t care that we’ve left.”

Emma frowns. “Why not?”

“Because that’s the way it’s been our whole lives,” Killian shrugs slightly. He scrubs his hand over his head. “He decided to leave when I was small and left us with our mum, who left us with an aunt. Then he came back and made nice, but… an apology is really only good the first time.” He pulls on a smile that falls instantly. “You’ve got it great here, Emma. Don’t take it for granted.”

Emma looks down at her lap. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he scoffs.

“Hey, if you go home and feel like nobody cares about you, know that at the very least, we do. I know it was kind of weird at first, but you’re growing on us. On me too.”

He can’t help but smile. Warmth blossoms in his chest. “Well, you’re growing on me too, Nolan. I appreciate it.”

Emma fights a blush and a smile as she turns and pulls back the covers of her bed. “Go to bed. We have Christmas Eve traditions all day long tomorrow.”

“I’m curious to see what you mean.”

She slips beneath the covers and her head hits the pillow. She turns to face him. “Have you ever just wondered if you should find out who it is? Get it out of the way?”

His heart skips a beat before it sinks to his gut. “I…” He struggles to breathe for a second and swallows thickly. “Truthfully, I found out when I was seventeen.”

Emma’s brow furrows. “How?”

“She found me, I guess I should say.” Killian murmurs. He pulls back his covers and slips into his makeshift bed. “She was older than me. She didn’t care for soulmates, though, and her interest in me was real, so I guess I thought it would last. Long story short, our marks matched, and six months into it, she passed away.”

He can hear Emma’s breath catch in her throat. “Oh.”

“Aye,” he sighs. He closes his eyes briefly. “Like I said, I try not to give myself space to think too much.”

She stares at him quietly for a what feels like an hour, but he doesn’t break the contact. He stares back, a desperate tug from deep within prodding at him again and again to say something.

He doesn’t and neither does she. Instead, she turns away from him and they both dwell in silence over the things that make them think too much.


	8. Chapter 8

eight

It’s cold when she wakes up.

She shivers when she stretches her toes down toward the edge of her bed, in search of the warmth she usually finds in Wilby’s body. Instead, she finds even more cold. Emma frowns, forcing her eyes open to find Wilby curled up beside Killian’s sleeping body rather than her own.

Weird, considering how they’d left things before she went to bed.

Turning onto her back, Emma stares up at the dark ceiling and listens to the wind howling outside.

It’s Christmas Eve with a storm having snowed them in, presumably. Usually, she’d be excited for Christmas for selfish reasons, but this year, she mostly just can’t wait to help Henry open his gifts.

Speaking of, she still needs to wrap a bunch of things before they can celebrate come tomorrow morning.

Having decided she won’t be sleeping, Emma grabs her phone and discovers multiple messages from Elsa regarding the wedding, as well as a few weather alert notifications. Apparently, they’re definitely getting at least a few hours’ worth of a band of the storm.

Elsa: _Emma, I’m worried. Specifically about the fact that Killian won’t be at the wedding. Can you talk him into coming?_

Emma sighs.

After hearing what he had to say about his family and about what happened with his soulmate, she isn’t sure she could even if she wanted to.

How awful must it feel to know without any doubt that you have no chance at finding pure and honest love? The person destined to be with you? That you’ve already experienced all that there is for you in that area of life?

At least she has a chance, if she ever decides to find out who it is, but Killian only had a few months. And now, he has to watch as everyone he cares about finds their true loves. Even his brother, who he must have adored growing up, is getting married to his soulmate.

Is it possible for a person to have two soulmates? The question bugs her. She hasn’t heard of such a thing, but then again the idea of matching with one’s soulmate has only been a recent development with technology. She’s sure it wouldn’t be unheard of.

Obviously, if he found someone he loved, he would be able to be with them. But to know his purest match existed only six months… she can’t fathom what it must feel like.

Her fingers hover over her keyboard as she considers what to write back, but she can’t, so she sets the device aside and turns onto her belly to find her son in the darkened space.

He’s still asleep. She can hear his breaths, like tiny tea kettle whistles.

A small smile finds her lips and she snuggles into her blankets more to keep the cold out.

Killian stirs suddenly, his body twitching before he bolts upright on a sharp intake of air. He takes deep breaths, trying to restore a natural rhythm, and then he looks right at her. Wilby must sense Killian’s change in position, because he moves to put his head against Killian’s leg.

Killian drops his hands to Wilby’s head hesitantly and strokes, just the way her favorite dog loves to be soothed.

“Nightmare?” she asks.

He stops moving and looks up again. “Aye.”

Deciding she won’t be able to sleep any more, Emma pulls herself upright and wraps herself in a giant blanket. Her feet touch the cold floor and she goes to Killian’s pull out mattress, where she sits herself down at his feet.

Wilby perks up at her company, but maintains his position by Killian.

“You okay?”

He looks up at her and manages to smile. “Aye. I’m fine.”

Emma takes a risk and reaches over to run her fingers through his fringe in what she hopes is a soothing action. He stares at her with silent appreciation, even when she stops.

“I can go make you some hot cocoa,” she murmurs. “It can cure just about anything. Even the worst nightmares.”

He thinks about it for a second while he rubs Wilby’s belly. “I’ll come along. You can teach me. For future ailments.”

Emma hums. Going together with the intention on a lesson makes her think of sour memories with Neal, but Killian isn’t him. In fact, she’s not really sure what Killian is to her. Maybe they’re acquaintances. Maybe they’re friends.

Yes, they feel like friends, but there’s something else. Something a little bit scary.

“Okay.”

Together, with Wilby as company, they bundle themselves in blankets and sneak downstairs to the dark kitchen. She can sense everyone sleeping- it’s early, but not too early- so she knows they need to be quiet.

“My mom claims she got this recipe from her mom, who got it from hers,” Emma says lowly. She pulls open a cabinet. “But I have serious doubts about that.”

Killian chuckles. He leans against the counter while she grabs chocolate from the cabinet to set down on the cutting block.

“Can you chop this super finely while I work on the milk?”

Killian nods. She hands him a knife and she hears him get to work on it while she pulls open the fridge for the fresh milk.

“Wilby certainly attaches himself, doesn’t he?” Killian asks after a minute of quiet.

Emma turns to look and finds the dog sitting on Killian’s feet. She laughs. “He likes you. It’s a good sign. Means he’ll protect you.”

After she gets the milk warming in the pot, she goes back to Killian’s side.

“Is this about right?” he asks, referring to the chocolate on the board.

Emma nods. “Yeah. That looks good.”

“So it’s just milk, a little bit of sugar, and chocolate, then?”

She hums. “Yep. Can’t really get much easier than that unless you just use powder.”

He finishes off the chocolate and she points to the microwave. “We’ll pop it in the microwave for a few seconds, stir, and repeat until it’s melted.”

She grabs a bowl for them to use and he scoops the shreds into it. After they sufficiently melt the key component of the beverage, they bring it to the milk and add it in. Soon enough, they have mugs filled and a can of whipped cream in hand.

Killian operating a can of whipped cream, almost predictably, goes awry when he first squirts some into his mug. It splatters on her, making her jump before gasping and laughing with him.

“Purely accidental, I assure you.”

Emma hums skeptically. “And you just had to point it this way.”

She laughs some more anyway and when it’s her turn, she makes sure she accidentally gets some on her finger so she can attack his nose with it.

His jaw falls open and he shakes his head. “If you think I’m afraid of a little dab on my nose-“

Emma laughs louder when he tries to grab the container from her to reciprocate. She holds it backwards out of reach, but he follows and they end up standing entirely too close.

With smiles on their lips and chests heaving, Emma almost contemplates giving into the tug in the pit of her stomach that seems to be telling her to jump into something with him.

And then the moment shatters. Her father clears his throat and enters the room.

“Morning, Dad.”

Her father smiles slightly, though he gives Killian a warning look.

“We made hot cocoa,” she adds after he doesn’t say anything.

“Oh, that’s great, Sweetie. Thanks.” He finally grins at her. He approaches her and kisses her forehead. “Merry Christmas Eve.”

Emma hums. “Merry Christmas Eve.” She pushes up onto her toes to grab him a mug of his own and fills it with the warm beverage. “You going out?”

“Yeah, I ought to,” her father sighs. “See how we’re faring. I hear that wind already.”

“I’m already freezing,” Emma mentions. She holds her mug tighter to her hand and meets Killian’s eyes. She looks away when she finds him staring right back. “If you don’t need me, I was thinking I’d just head back upstairs. Try and sleep a little before we dive into board games and Christmas movies.”

Her father eyes them both warily. “No, I’ll be alright.”

Emma presses kiss to his cheek, as if to prove to him that there’s nothing going on between she and Killian. Her father has always been, and probably always will be, fiercely protective of her heart. It’s something she thinks makes him all the gentler and kind.

When she’s out of the room, she hears Killian’s voice, “I should, uh-”

“Go. Just promise me-”

“I swear nothing’s going on.”

Her heart flips and unexpectedly sinks. It’s not like they’re soulmates. It’s not like they’re ever going to be together. She’s too stubborn and he’s… a stranger.

Maybe it’s just been so long since she’s had a friend that wasn’t someone she grew up with that she has vastly misplaced thoughts and gut feelings about Killian.

Yes, that’s probably it.

Settling on that to help herself feel better, Emma climbs the stairs and discovers Henry standing up in his crib, bouncing on his toes.

“Mama,” he coos.

Emma grins happily. “Hey, Henry!”

She goes to him with eagerness and reaches down to pull him into her arms. He smells like he needs changing, but that doesn’t stop her from first kissing his cheeks and tickling his little belly until he can’t stop laughing.

When she settles him down on her bed, her eyes wander at the sound of a floorboard creaking nearby. She catches Killian stepping into the room with Wilby in tow.

“He’s been protective of me since I was born.” Emma tells Killian, hoping to assure him that her father isn’t always _that_ passive aggressive.

He hums. “If I had a daughter, I’m sure I would be too.”

///

Christmas Eve at the Nolan household is indeed a celebration beyond his wildest dreams.

For breakfast, David stands at the griddle flipping a variety of different pancakes onto a plate. Meanwhile, Mary Margaret and Ruth prepare fresh bacon and eggs at the stove.

Emma sits wearing a blanket over her shoulders at the kitchen table with Henry in his highchair. He sits opposite her, beside Henry, and it gives him something to occupy his time with because Henry has started coloring and insists on throwing his crayons at him.

“Now, Henry,” he says lowly as he holds the red crayon in his hand. “You musn’t throw your crayons. It’s not good form. A gentleman keeps his crayons to himself.”

He hears Emma stifle a laugh. He glances her way to find her hiding her smile behind her hand. She eyes him playfully, as if she wants to see what he’ll do next.

Killian gives Henry his attention once again and gives him a stern look. “Are you a gentleman, Henry?”

Henry smiles, of course, so Killian places the crayon on the tray table.

“Christmas Eve breakfast feast!” Charlie exclaims, “How could I forget?”

Mary Margaret laughs as her son crosses the room with Hannah in tow. The pair hold hands all the way to the kitchen island.

“Oh, no, no, no,” his mother swats his hand away from a plate of bacon, “no touching yet.”

Charlie chuckles. “Alright, alright. Fine.”

“Mrs. Nolan, do you want any help?” Hannah offers.

“Yes, please. Come here.”

Charlie is quick to plop down beside Killian. He offers him a cheeky grin, glancing not so subtly at Emma and back again.

“Happy Christmas Eve you guys,”

Emma smiles at her younger brother. “You slept long enough.”

Charlie lifts his eyebrows at her, then directs his attention to Killian. He gestures to his sister with a subtle tip of his head. “And you seem to have not slept long enough at all.”

“True,” Emma points at Henry. “He woke up when I was just trying to get back to sleep. We ended up playing upstairs with Killian and Wilby.”

“Oh!” Charlie’s voice trills upward slightly. “I see.”

Emma gives him a hard look. “Charlie.”

Killian lifts his brows and smirks while Charlie gives an answer, “Emma.”

The tension breaks when Emma decides to stand up, abandoning them for the kitchen just behind them. She passes him closely, giving him a fresh whiff of her shampoo.

Charlie, meanwhile, swipes a crayon from the box on the table to play with it. “So you and my sister. What’s…”

“Nothing,” Killian assures him smoothly. “I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that friendship was an option.”

Charlie tilts his head from side to side. “Maybe, if the looks between you two weren’t so… you know…”

He narrows his eyes slightly at Charlie. “No, enlighten me.”

In an instant, Charlie shuts right up. He drags his teeth against his lower lip and looks away from him, a blush crawling toward his ears.

Killian can’t help but smile. He looks at Henry and laughs when he offers him a crayon instead of throwing it.

“Very well done, Sir Henry. Very gentlemanly of you to offer.”

Charlie shifts beside him. He turns to find his counterpart holding a book in his hand.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“That.”

“This?” Charlie turns the book and examines the cover. “It’s something I have to read for class.”

“Ah.” Killian smiles slightly. “I remember those days. Glad I’m through with them.”

Charlie’s face crumples in curious confusion. “What’d you major in?”

“Ah… business.” He lifts his eyebrows. “It wasn’t my idea of a good time. I actually wanted to major in music. My father said there wasn’t a future in it, so I gave up on that quite quickly.”

“You play any instruments?”

“I used to play piano,” Killian nods. “My aunt made me take lessons.” He laughs. “And of course I learned guitar. I had the nicest acoustic guitar for a long time, but…”

What he doesn’t tell Charlie is that he destroyed it in a fit of anger, one caused by an argument with his father.

“I suppose music wasn’t the way to go. I’m good with numbers. It makes sense to have business smarts, for really any job.”

Charlie shrugs. “Right. Yeah, sure.” He stares at Henry for a second before looking back at him. “I played cello in middle and high school. I kind of get it.”

Feeling some sense of camaraderie with Charlie, Killian smiles and nods. “If I could do it again, I don’t know. Maybe… maybe I’d major in something wild like psychology.”

They share a good laugh, one that clears his mind of anything else, especially any thoughts he’s having about Brennan Jones. Instead, he and Charlie move into a talk about their favorite bands while he on and off plays with Henry.

It feels good to connect with someone in what feels like a brotherly bond like this.

Liam never understands when he talks about the things that make them different, but it’s understandable, because Liam’s older and wiser, with a very goal-oriented life, while Killian’s always just had the hardest time finding his place.

Maybe, his heart whispers a little louder than it has in the past, he’s found it here.

///

It’s apparently been a tradition for as long as Emma can remember that on Christmas Eve, they watch Christmas movies and play party games. Some years, they didn’t play as many party games than board games, but this year, with the house so full, Mary Margaret will be damned if she doesn’t get to play charades for the duration of A Christmas Story.

Emma sits with Henry on her lap. Killian’s beside her, throw pillow held in his arms while they watch her parents, Charlie, and Hannah race each other for victory on the television as classic Nintendo characters.

Her grandmother had excused herself a while ago, under a shroud of secrecy he’s sure has absolutely nothing to do with wrapping presents in the privacy of her bedroom. Absolutely none at all.

Emma bounces Henry on her knees and he giggles, turning toward her to press his fingers against her cheeks. “Mama.”

She laughs, a sound he’s become most fond of, when he tries to press his fingers up her nose and turns her head away from him, staring at Killian, who chuckles and pinches Henry’s side, only inciting more giggles from her boy.

“Here, Henry, Killian will take you.”

She settles her son in Killian’s extended arms, as if they’d planned for this to happen. She turns, shifting so she faces him with her hand boosting her head from where her elbow rests at the back of the couch.

Henry smiles up at Killian like he’s the silliest thing he’s ever seen ever in his life. Killian makes faces at him, so maybe it’s well deserved. Either way, he’s become enamored with the baby boy with bubbly giggles and bright eyes in no time at all.

“Do you think you’d be okay if I left to go wrap some presents?” Emma asks quietly. She reaches out to tug at Henry’s dangling fingers.

He glances at her briefly and grins. “I think we’ll be alright.”

“Yeah? He does really like you.”

Killian turns to her again and smirks. “Maybe I’ll be able to use my excellent baby whispering abilities on my future nieces and nephews.”

Emma hums. “I’m sure Elsa will appreciate that.”

David cheers from his spot on the floor while the other players groan in unison.

“That was a cheap win, Dad. I demand a rematch.”

“It was not cheap, Charlie,” David sounds like he’s rolling his eyes. “I worked hard for that win, thank you.”

Mary Margaret laughs. “I don’t know. I thought you were a little brutal with the timing of your weapons use.”

“Fine. I’ll prove I’m a good driver and not use any of my items this time.”

Charlie chuckles. “Oh, ho! Now it’s getting interesting!”

Killian laughs when Emma rolls her eyes. “I’ll be alright. Henry’s as your mum says, a dream. You won’t be gone long, either, I’m sure.”

“No,” Emma nods. She takes a breath. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

When she disappears up the stairs, Killian turns his attention to the boy in his lap.

More and more, he’s come to question why anyone in their right mind would ever leave Emma, and especially why they’d leave such a sweet boy like Henry.

It’s easy to wonder, but it means nothing to him and it never will, so instead of continuing to think about Emma’s mystery ex, he turns his attention to allowing Henry to lean against him, with his legs pressed evenly against his thighs and his back to Killian’s chest so he can watch the game.

“Look at that, lad,” Killian holds Henry’s arm out toward the television. “Racing’s on the telly.”

“Vvvrooom,” Henry chirps.

Killian laughs. “That’s right, cars go vroom.”

He leans his chin lightly against the child’s head and holds on tight while he watches the four seated on the floor race four laps around a track.

“Like two peas in a pod,” Nana Ruth surprises him. He snaps his attention up to where her voice had come from and discovers her returning from her disappearance. She takes a seat beside him. Smiling, she looks from her great-grandson up to him. “Yes, I mean you two.”

Killian smiles nervously. “Ah, well…”

“No, no,” she insists. “It’s perfectly alright. Henry and Emma like you fine enough that it’s a blessing to see someone fit in with their groove so well.”

Henry reaches out his arm toward her, but doesn’t make any other motions toward her, indicating he’s just interested in touching. Nana Ruth kindly squeezes his little hand.

“You’d make a lovely couple.” Ruth adds, leaning in to whisper it to him with a friendly bump against his shoulder with her own.

Killian’s face flushes and he shakes his head. “I’m flattered you think so, but we’ve simply become fast friends.”

The elderly woman hums thoughtfully. She takes a deep breath and stares at the room ahead of her.

“My intuition is never wrong. It was right about Charlie and Hannah. And about my son and his bride.” She tilts her head to the side and grimaces, tossing a hand out. “And I know you young people are all about the matching and knowing based on who has the right marks, but you can’t deny the heart what it’s longing for.”

He stares down at Henry. The boy is warm in his arms, and cranes his head backward just so he can see him. A sweet smile spreads across his face and he reaches for his cheeks.

He’d be lying if he said he’d hate to spend the next years of his life watching this boy grow up. It’s a strange connection, one he can’t explain, and maybe it’s for that reason he holds himself back. Or maybe it’s because he’s found himself longing for something to hold onto for far too long.

For not the first time since arriving in Storybrooke, his mind drifts, thinking about what awaits him back home. His father. A job he slightly hates, but does because he has nothing better. He has an empty flat and a schedule so busy it never allows him to do what he likes.

Add onto that the fact that his soulmate was taken from him far too early and he can understand why he’s settled for an incredibly busy career that he doesn’t like. He doesn’t want to spend any time thinking about her, or about the fact that he won’t get another chance. It would be enough to make him go mad.

If there’s anything he likes doing, it’s sailing, but a person can’t make a living sailing for fun.

He sighs heavily. The weight of it all hurts his shoulders and burdens his heart.

“I’m afraid I’ve got too much on my heart to know what it wants, Nana.” Killian admits quietly.

Her shoulders sag and she frowns. Quickly, she wraps her arm around his shoulders and leans her head against his.

“Listen to me, Killian,” she says, leaning away so she meets his eyes. “I’ve been alive for a long time.” She smiles. Searching his eyes, she speaks the hardest truth, “Let go. You don’t get a second chance at life. If you’re not happy, fight to find that happiness.”

If only she knew Brennan Jones. Then she’d understand why it’s so hard for him to let go. He manages to smile thankfully.

“I suppose…”

“Oh, come on!” David drops the controller in his hands and shoots daggers at his son with his eyes. “If I could ground you, I would.”

Charlie chuckles. He wraps his arm around Hannah’s shoulders and kisses her cheek. “Thanks for the save at the last second, sweetheart.”

David sighs. He looks behind himself at Killian and Ruth. Smiling, he waves at his grandson. “I think that’s enough Mario Kart for today. Where’s Emma?”

“She went upstairs,” Killian says, keeping the secret of the gift-wrapping to himself. “I suppose she’s got some things to do.”

Her father hums knowingly. “Well, I need a cookie and baby cuddles.”

David pushes up off the floor and goes straight to him. He hands Henry off easily. The boy giggles delightedly at his grandfather’s kisses.

“Grampa’s got you. C’mon let’s go grab some cookies in the kitchen, Henry.”

Mary Margaret stands. “Mom, do you want to help with dinner tonight? I was thinking about starting it now.”

Ruth claps her hands against her thighs. “I was wondering when you’d ask.” She turns to Killian and pats his leg. “Come on. You’re helping too.”

Killian’s eyes widen. “I don’t know-”

“Nonsense,” she stands up. “I’ll teach you everything I know. It’s a very easy recipe anyway.”

He isn’t sure he’s ever met anyone as kind and inclusive as the Nolan family. Their willingness to take on a perfect stranger on behalf of one of Emma’s friends is quite admirable.

He follows Ruth and Mary Margaret to the kitchen. David balances Henry on his hip while he chews on one of Hannah’s special Christmas cookies.

“How’s the storm, Dad?” Charlie asks. “Last I saw we had an advisory.”

“Yeah. It’s coming down out there. But we’re only getting the outer band. The storm has a northwestern tilt.”

Killian joins Ruth at the kitchen sink. “What are we making?”

“We’re making the World’s Best Chicken Noodle soup.”

Killian lifts his eyebrows playfully. “Really now?”

“Don’t doubt it,” Mary Margaret warns teasingly. “We’ve had it every year since Ruth came to live with us.”

He hums. “Well, we’ll see, then, won’t we?”

Ruth chuckles and pats her hand against his arm in a way he imagines a grandmother might. He’s never known his grandparents. Seen pictures, yes, but they were never in his life from the start. His father’s parents died a long time ago, and his mother’s family were always far away.

Killian finds himself jealous of the life Emma and Charlie have here, with parents that are in love and a grandmother who’s almost too doting.

Ruth guides him through the steps of kneading the dough for the noodles, and then chuckles when he struggles to get it rolled out. She surprises him with her strength, something he and Mary Margaret laugh about until the rest of the family needs to know what’s going on.

And it’s then, sharing a moment of complete joy and companionship with the Nolan family, he realizes something frightening and confusing. Maybe for the first time since he was a small boy, he feels accepted as part of a family.


	9. Chapter 9

nine

After dinner, Henry falls asleep in Charlie’s lap while they’re playing an extra-long game of Monopoly sitting on the floor in the living room.

She’s definitely not going to win, but she likes to pretend she is. Otherwise, Charlie will most definitely win in a close game to Killian and she cannot have Charlie gloating for the rest of the time he’s home.

Emma frowns when another group of her properties loses its houses. On a heavy sigh, she gestures to her brother. “I should put him to bed.”

Charlie looks down at his nephew and holds him tighter. “No, I’ll keep him. Unless you give me…”

Her glare shuts him down full stop. “Can I have my baby please?”

Killian wears a ghost of a smirk when she glances at him briefly, as if she needs support in her efforts at success.

“Fine. Fine.” Charlie concedes.

He hoists Henry over the game board and she grabs him. Henry squirms against her, his little whimper a tell that he doesn’t like the movement. He stays asleep, thankfully, and she rubs his back while shushing him quietly.

“Are you abandoning the game?” Charlie asks. “Because-”

Emma rises to her feet and looks at Killian with her eyebrows lifted. “Killian, I’m giving you my properties and my cash goes to Hannah.”

“Ha ha!” Killian chuckles.

Hannah laughs. “Thanks, Emma.”

“Okay, so not fair.” Charlie frowns, his expression clearly reading the feeling of betrayal.

Emma shrugs and steps carefully around the group. “Sorry, dude. I don’t want you to win.”

Her parents are in the kitchen, so she sneaks in to grab Henry’s paci from the table where she’d left it earlier.

“Is the game over?” her mom asks.

Emma laughs once. “No. But soon, hopefully. I’m taking him up to bed and then I’ll turn in myself.”

“Oh, okay. Sleep well, Emma. This was a nice Christmas Eve, wasn’t it?”

She thinks back on it, on the cozy hours spent lazing around in the living room, playing games and watching movies together. It’s always been fun on Christmas Eve, but today was special.

She spent most of it cuddling with her son, which always lends to a warm feeling, but she also spent a lot of it with Killian. Together, they watched a lot of games unfold that Charlie got their parents to play, and shared a lot of inside jokes that she’s still smirking about.

It’s nice to not have to think about the outside world and about the things that make her heart feel heavy, for at least one day, and instead focus on family and making a new friend.

Come to think of it, Killian feels more like family now than he did even last night.

“Yes,” Emma smiles. “It was nice. Thanks for dinner and cookies and everything.”

Her mother chuckles. “You’re very welcome.”

“Christmas is in the morning! I guess we’ll see if you were good this year.” her father rises to his feet. “I know this one was.” He affectionately strokes Henry’s cheek before kissing hers. “Love you, pumpkin. Get some sleep tonight, okay? We don’t have to start Christmas until everyone’s well rested.”

Emma smiles thankfully. “I’ll try.”

She slips away from the noise of the gamers still jeering at each other as they struggle to find a victor in what feels like the world’s longest game of Monopoly.

Henry mumbles in his sleep when she sets him down on her bed in order to check his diaper. He’s clean, so she kisses his forehead and whispers, “I love you more than all the stars in the sky, Henry.”

Emma tucks him into his crib and stares down at him for an absurd amount of time. Mostly, she thinks about how lucky she is that she has him. Even though he rocked her world from the moment she found out about him, she wouldn’t change a thing about it.

She smiles when she feels Wilby’s nose press against her calf, a gentle nudge that causes her to turn to look at the dog. “Hey, boy. Hey.”

Emma kneels down and strokes Wilby’s ears. “You ready for bed? Huh? I gotta clean up first.”

She opts for a quick clean up before bed. As soon as she has her PJs on, she pads out of the bathroom, only to stop dead in her tracks at the sight of Killian standing over Henry’s crib.

He looks up, slightly surprised, but smiles and shakes his head. “You’d never guess it, but Charlie won.”

Emma hums. “And there goes the rest of December with my little brother. Instead, we get Mr. Monopoly Champ.”

Her friend chuckles lowly. Emma stays standing still, halfway across the room from him. She folds her arms against her chest and nibbles on her lip.

“Did you have fun today?”

Killian nods. “Aye. The most fun.” He smiles slightly. It falls as he looks away from her, at the floor instead. “Your… family is most welcoming. It’s easy to forget I’m stranded here away from my brother.”

His expression makes her laugh, but only just. She goes to sit on her bed, watching as he goes to his. He runs his hand over his head.

“Truth be told, I’ve barely thought about him today. And about the wedding tomorrow.” He frowns deeply and looks down at his lap where he picks at his cuticles.

Emma’s heart skips a beat. She’d forgotten about that, too. It’s likely her phone is a complete blizzard of text messages from Elsa, frantic about planning things, and she’s just ignored her in lieu of a calm Christmas Eve with her family.

“Do you think you’ll go?”

Killian sucks in a breath and releases it slowly. He stares at her, shaking his head. “I’ve no clue.”

Wanting to help him feel better about the predicament he’s found himself in, she manages a soft smile and says, “Well, I think he’d understand.”

“But Liam hasn’t had my life experiences,” Killian says lowly. “It’s not an easy thing to understand.”

She nods. They fall quiet for a few moments. Killian stares at Henry’s crib and back at her again. Her gaze falls to her lap and she tugs at the sleeves of her shirt. She feels a tight knot form in her throat.

“Henry’s dad wasn’t my match, but it was so close I thought it had to be.” Emma finally whispers. “He’d tell me he was my soulmate, that he had never felt so close and connected to someone before.”

She laughs heartlessly. “We were together for two years when he left me in the middle of the night without any warning or even a note saying he was done. We were living in… Boston. I was taking classes and I thought he was so cool because he had a job that he kept a secret from me. We had a cheap rent, but I couldn’t afford it on my own.”

Retelling this story feels bitter on her tongue, just thinking about the way she’d felt that day waking up to find him _gone_. He’d ripped out a part of her that believed in love, and dissolved the innocence that she’ll never get back.

“Did he know about…?” He doesn’t finish, but Emma knows what he means to ask.

“No.” Emma sniffles slightly. She’s started crying, and it’s ridiculous, because Neal is nothing to cry about, and neither is what happened. She’s over it. “And even if he did, I don’t know if it would have kept him with me.”

She releases a shaky breath. “I’ve always thought that soulmates were a waste of time, but he definitely cemented that for me. I mean, even if he wasn’t mine, I don’t want to know who it really is because people can tell you they’re your soulmate and leave you anyway. I don’t need that.”

He nods in agreement. “Nobody does.”

Emma clears her throat gently. She hesitantly looks up at him. The question she’s had burning at the front of her mind since their last deep conversation finds the tip of her tongue.

“Is it possible to have two soulmates?”

Killian looks away from her. His jaw clenches and he presses his hands together to rub them for friction.

His voice catches when he whispers, “I don’t think so.”

Again, they stare at one another. It’s an awful feeling that both of them must be sharing, one that aches in the very pit of her belly. She decides it’s too much for one day, so she lies down, putting her blankets up close to her chest.

She turns onto her side, staring at him. “You shouldn’t go to the wedding if you don’t want to.”

He smiles slightly at her statement. “If you want to find out who your soulmate is, I think you should. Get it out of the way. Stop worrying about it. It might help. I don’t know.”

She knows he’s trying to help, but her stomach clenches and she gets nervous chills down her arms. She shakes her head.

“I’m too scared.”

“Of what?”

She’s quiet and turns away from him to look up at her ceiling. “Knowing.”

///

He doesn’t think he sleeps at all.

He’s caught up thinking about Christmas day. Thinking about Liam marrying Elsa. Thinking about his life back in England. Thinking about Emma and Henry and her family.

At one point, he stares up at the ceiling and with a heavy sigh, he pinches the bridge of his nose. Tears gather in his eyes. His chest feels heavy and tight.

In only a few hours, his brother will be married to his soulmate, something he’s never going to have a chance at. Not only that, but his brother will likely decide to move to America, stranding him in England with their father to run the businesses.

While he should be thankful for the opportunity, and excited about the possibilities it will open up for him, instead he’s found himself terrified and angry. Angry with Liam for getting married. Angry with his father for manipulating the deck and forcing him into this position.

He fights himself about going to the wedding. He knows if he goes, he’ll get angrier than he needs to. It’s just that Liam had been so against meeting Elsa when he found out, and to top that off, it’s happening so fast. They don’t know everything they need to about each other. Killian’s fairly certain his brother hasn’t even found out if she’s allergic to anything.

But then again, his brother is in love. He deserves to be happy, and with a woman who is his match, even in ways they don’t know yet.

Jealousy burns like a fire in the pit of his stomach. It makes him mad at himself.

Killian’s legs curl upwards as he lies on his side. He holds his hand over his eyes and takes a few heavy breaths. In the time that it takes for him to count to three, Wilby comes to his side, curling against his chest with his nose pressed into his wrist.

He pulls his hand away and drops his hand to the dog’s head. “How do you always know? Huh?”

Killian wraps his arm around Wilby and the dog easily lies down, nuzzling his face close to Killian’s. He shuts his eyes.

When he opens them again, it’s to the sound of Emma’s voice, soft and muted. She’s lying in her bed with Henry cradled under her arm and her fingers pressed to his.

“It’s Christmas!” Emma murmurs excitedly. “Can you believe it?”

From beside Killian, Wilby lifts his ears at the sound of Emma’s voice. Killian smiles softly to himself.

“I have a feeling you’re about to get super spoiled, kid.” Emma sighs playfully. “Don’t let it all go to your head, okay?”

Henry makes a noise, a gentle babble, to which Emma replies, “Yeah. I know.” She pauses. “Mommy has to go to a wedding tonight and I don’t know a single thing about it.”

In the dark, Emma shifts to grab her phone. He sees it light up, glowing blue.

“Oh boy,” Emma whispers, laughing once. “Auntie Elsa is definitely mad at me for ignoring her all day yesterday. Oops.”

She must do something that makes her son laugh, because he giggles adorably and Emma responds in kind.

Killian strokes the spot behind Wilby’s ears and shifts so he’s sitting up. Emma looks up at him, eyes widened slightly. “Merry Christmas.”

He chuckles. “Merry Christmas, love. Did you sleep well?”

“Uh, for the most part, yes. I never sleep very well the night before Christmas.”

Killian hums. “I understand.”

While he was growing up, Christmas was always a big deal, but never to an extreme like he’s seen here at the Nolan farm.

“Did Santa come in the night?” he wonders, staring at Henry in the hopes that she’ll understand.

Emma pulls herself up so she’s sitting as well. She settles Henry in her lap, cradling him with his head pressed against her chest.

“Mama,” he coos.

Emma smiles at him. “Yeah. Santa did come last night. I think I heard him on the roof.”

They exchange the gentlest of grins. While Henry isn’t old enough to comprehend any of their talk, it’s still nice to kind of pretend.

He turns his attention to Wilby, rubbing the dog’s side affectionately.

“I don’t know why he’s so in love with you.” Emma sighs dramatically. “It’s gonna suck when you have to leave, huh?”

He can’t help but smile widely. Wilby licks his own nose and then bumps Killian with it.

“I’ll miss him.” Killian admits. “I know I’ve only been here a few days, but it feels like much longer.” He meets Emma’s eyes. “I’ll miss all of you.”

She hums. “Christmas time does that to people, I guess.”

Killian’s excited for exchanging presents downstairs, but he’s also enthusiastic about the possibilities of what else they might do with their day. He knows Emma’s planning on attending the wedding in town, assuming it’s still on for tonight.

“Have you heard anything from Elsa about the wedding?” he wonders. “I haven’t heard a peep from Liam since we met up before the storm.”

Emma nods. “Yeah. She said they’re still planning on doing it tonight. She wants me to try to go over by three. I don’t know if it’ll be possible with the road conditions, but we’ll see I guess.”

Killian glances thoughtfully at the covered window. “How bad do you think it is out there?”

She sighs, shrugging. “Hard to say. It’s colder than usual up here. I imagine there’s a lot of snow.”

He’d checked through a window before going to bed the night before and he knows as a matter of fact that there should be a lot of snow. Getting to go to the wedding may not even be a choice later today.

“Are you going to go?” Emma asks casually. “To the wedding?”

He looks at her and lifts his eyebrows. “I’m thinking about it. I think I will. It’s not everyday your brother gets married. I suppose I should find it in myself to be happy for him.”

Emma nods. She runs her fingers through Henry’s hair. “I’m sorry you have to be stuck with us for Christmas. It must feel weird, not really knowing us. You don’t have to do the whole routine if you don’t want to. I understand.”

“I’ve already told you, love,” Killian smiles at her, “I feel like I know all of you. It’s a lot of fun being here. Besides, I have a few gifts of my own to give.”

Her eyes widen with surprise. “Really?”

He lifts his shoulders. “It’s the very least I could do to thank you for letting me stay with you.”

Emma’s cheeks are reddish in color, and she looks away, as if embarrassed by the fact that he’s happy to be here.

It’s the most horrible truth: that he feels as if he belongs and it’s only been a few days.

It should probably make him discredit his life back home more. To think about moving here as soon as humanly possible. Perhaps he could just stay here, with Wilby and Emma and baby Henry, and never return from this abrupt trip to America.

He knows it’s stupid and rash, so suddenly he finds he can’t blame Liam for being stupid and rash about marrying Elsa if he’s made friends so quickly in everyone here.

///

Finally all awake, the Nolan clan is extraordinarily boisterous and giddy with delight at the sheer fact that they’re gathered together for Christmas day.

Mary Margaret serves them pull apart bread she’d made with Ruth’s aid. He smiles thankfully and accepts the meal while sitting on the couch beside Ruth.

“Okay, we need to get this show on the road if we’re going to finish in time for Emma and Killian to make the wedding.” Charlie says.

As if hearing her name from the other room, Emma enters with her phone in hand. She sighs. “Graham says it’ll be a few hours. But he’s working on it.”

He can see her eyes brighten at the sight of her son, who toddles toward her with his arms extended. She waves at him. “Hey, baby! You ready to open your presents?”

“I think we should,” David announces. He’s wearing a santa hat, something that oddly fits him. He goes to the fireplace and plucks the stockings free. “Okay, Charlie and Hannah, you’re sharing a stocking this year. Killian and Wilby are too.”

Killian’s heart skips a beat. He laughs, slightly confused. “What?”

David hands him the stocking. “Here you go. I’m sure you’ll be able to tell what’s what.”

The fact that he’s being looked out for while he isn’t home, nor anywhere near his family, makes his heart swell warmly. These people are truly the kindest he’s ever met.

He’s pleasantly surprised by a gift from David and Mary Margaret in addition to the stocking, which is filled with candies and knick knacks, much like everyone else’s. They give him jeans and a leather jacket, to which David explains, “They’re to help you dress to farm.”

Killian’s just happy to be celebrating Christmas properly. He examines the gift and smiles gratefully at the couple.

“Thank you. I’ll have to make good use of them while I’m here.”

Mary Margaret clasps her hands together over her heart. “I’m glad you like them. I picked them specially for you.”

He isn’t sure anyone’s ever put that much effort into a single gift he’s received.

For his part, he gifts Mary Margaret and David a set of matching coffee mugs, Charlie and Hannah a toaster- in case he’s not here for their wedding- and Ruth he gives a pair of mittens.

In kind, Ruth gives him a knitted hat she’d made herself. Charlie and Hannah give him Storybrooke souvenirs- the keychain is particularly great- and Emma and Henry give him a ship in a bottle.

With slightly widened eyes, Killian laughs at the bottle. “This will go wonderfully beside my Storybrooke snow globe. Thank you, Emma.”

Emma smiles good naturedly. “I thought you might like it because you said you like ships, right?”

He nods. “Aye.” His smile warms up. “Thank you. Truly. It’s very nice.”

He stares at her a few seconds too long, but nobody calls him out for it. Instead, they finish gift-giving by letting Henry open his last two presents.

When it’s all said and done, and Henry’s torn through the last of all of the wrapping paper, a feeling of expectancy fills the room.

“Who wants to go sledding?” Charlie asks. He grins slyly at his grandmother. “Nana, you in?”

“I might enjoy a little ride on a sled.”

Emma laughs and catches Killian’s eyes. As the rest of her family stands to go, he stops in front of her and clears his throat.

“Hey, Emma, I… have a gift for you. I didn’t think I should give it with the rest.”

Her eyes widen in surprise. “Oh.”

Killian gestures upward. “It’s just upstairs. I’ll go grab it.”

“Okay.” Emma shifts Henry’s weight on her hip. She has a breathless smile on her face, like she hadn’t anticipated he would have something to give her.

Seeing this, Killian moves quickly to go upstairs for the gift he hopes she’ll like.

His heart jumps nervously as he flies back down the stairs. When he finds Emma, she’s helping Henry play with one of his new toys.

“Alright, Emma,” he says, extending the gift bag out toward her. “Merry Christmas, love.”

Emma eyes him cautiously. She nibbles on her lower lip and tugs at the red and white tissue paper. It gives way to reveal what’s in the bag, but he keeps his attention on her face.

Her jaw drops ever so slightly and her lips part with a gasp between them. She removes the bunny from the bag and then looks at him.

“You got my bunny back.” Emma’s shoulders fall and she laughs with disbelief. She shakes her head, admiring the floppy eared stuffed animal. Her smile is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “I don’t know what to say.”

He shakes his head, already trying to cover for the purchase as if she secretly doesn’t like it, “I thought you might like it.”  
  


Emma looks up at him and smiles. She nods. “I do. Thank you. This is really sweet.”

Suddenly, she wraps her arms around him, allowing him to be much closer to her than they’ve been before. His stomach flips and his heart jumps against his ribcage unexpectedly. It shouldn’t catch him off guard, but it does.

She pulls away just a moment after he settles his hand on the small of her back. Still smiling brightly, she admires her gift.

“Thank you, Killian.”

There’s something about the look in her eyes that makes him want to say something else, but he holds it back. It’s silly that he’s started feeling like a useless tool when he’s around her, isn’t it? They’re friends. They hardly know each other.

All the same, he’s relieved when Charlie claps him on the back and says, “Emma, is that your bunny?”

Emma holds her present close to her chest. “You can’t have this one, Charlie.”

Charlie faux gasps. “I didn’t do anything!”

Emma gives her younger brother a look and then bends down to grab Henry from the floor. She gives her son the stuffed animal, which he seems to greatly admire.

Without any further discussion, she walks away from them, toward the kitchen where the rest of the family prepares for a snow adventure.

“You going sledding?” Charlie asks, tugging on Killian’s shoulder. “It’s a lot of fun. We have this one hill on our land that’s perfect for racing.”

He smiles back at Charlie. “Of course. You might have to give me a few pointers, though.”


	10. Chapter 10

ten

Killian doesn’t have much in way of protective winter gear, so Mary Margaret sets him up with a pair of David’s old snow pants and a thicker jacket.

Together, the entire Nolan family goes to their garage, something he hadn’t realized existed until this moment, and they rummage through stacks of old boxes and David’s tools until they find their impressive collection of sleds.

Killian watches on as the core members of the family argue over which one they want. Meanwhile, he and Hannah linger back awkwardly, having found a silent companionship in their status as non-relatives.

Henry’s toddling around near him, so he keeps a watchful eye on the marshmallow that he’s become in his snow clothes. When he tries to grab for a shovel hanging on the wall, Killian moves quickly to grab the boy.

He pulls him into his arms and grunts as he settles him onto his hip. “No, no, lad.”

Henry reaches his hand out to press it against Killian’s face. He bounces Henry in turn as they wait for the rest of his family to sort out the sleds.

He glances over at Hannah, who smiles at him with fondness. “Isn’t he adorable? I always want to snuggle with him for hours.”

Killian hums in agreement. “He’ll certainly be a heartbreaker when he’s older.”

Hannah reaches out to touch Henry’s hand. “You know, I’m told that if you’re very good, and he likes you, he’ll give you a nickname. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

He can’t help the smile that finds his face. “He hasn’t yet. I suppose there’s still time, though.”

“Okay, here’s a sled for you, Killian.” Charlie interrupts the moment. He settles a board down in front of him. Smiling, he looks at his nephew. “Hey, dude, what’d you get into?”

Killian laughs. “Just wanted to be like his grandfather, I’ll bet. He was trying to get the shovel.”

Charlie chuckles. After a second, he frowns slightly and holds out his arm. “Hey, here I’ll take him from you. You don’t need to hold him.”

“No, it’s no bother,” Killian assures him. “Henry’s the first baby I’ve ever met that I’ve got on with so well.”

“You meet a lot of babies in fishing supply?” David asks, obviously teasing but playing it straight.

Killian goes quiet without a single word of response on his tongue. Instead, he blushes and looks down at Henry before passing him off to his uncle awkwardly.

Maybe it’s the mention of what’s back home, or maybe it’s the look in Charlie’s eye, but it’s enough for him to take a mental step back to examine where he is and what he’s doing.

After taking a deep breath, he clears his throat and grabs his sled from the ground. When he looks up, Emma’s standing in front of him, offering him a sympathetic smile.

He wishes he didn’t tell her about his secret. It’s something he never shares with anyone. He isn’t sure his father even knows it, and they tell each other most things.

“Alright, Nolan’s, let’s move out!” David announces, just in the nick of time.

Killian pivots away from Emma and tries to keep up instead with Ruth, hoping for her calming presence to bring him comfort. It doesn’t fail.

“You doing okay, Killian?” she asks after they trudge through at least a yard of impossibly deep snow.

He looks over at her and laughs beneath his scarf. “I’ll survive, but only just.”

Ruth nods in agreement. “It’s dreadfully cold, isn’t it?”

They both look at the group moving ahead of them, all so eager to make it to the hill that really isn’t too far into the distance.

“It’s a rather steep drop off, so I don’t imagine I’ll want to do more than a handful of rides.” Ruth admits. He looks at her in time to notice her wobbling and eagerly grabs her by the arm to help her keep balance.

“Hold on, darling,” he says lightly, “we’ve not even arrived at the hill yet.”

Ruth grips him thankfully. “You’d think my own son would care even a little to linger behind.”

Sensing her playful tone, he chuckles and looks at David ahead of them. “Oi! David! What are you doing so far ahead?”

David spins around and calls back, “Clearing the path!”

“Uh huh,” Killian hears Ruth mutter skeptically. He smiles to himself and helps her walk for another dozen or so feet before Emma makes her way toward them.

“Nana, did you slip on the ice back there too? Mom almost face planted.”

Ruth hums. “I did, but thankfully, I was saved by this handsome hero.”

Killian can feel his grin split his face in two, but he doesn’t care. Emma rolls her eyes and grabs for her grandmother’s sled.

“I’ll take this.”

“Thank you, dear.”

Together, they walk toward the steep hill he’s heard so much about. When they stand at the edge of it, Killian isn’t let down by the impressiveness of it.

“It’s practically a cliff face!”

Everyone laughs at his exclamation.

“Not quite that tall, but it is quite something.” David agrees. He claps his hands together. “Alright. Are we ready?”

Rousing cheers echo in the air around him. He just laughs.

So _this_ is what it’s like to be part of a family. He’s almost jealous.

///

Nana Ruth is just as good at sledding as the rumors had led him to believe.

Henry is adorable, bouncing down a gentler slope they discover nearby with excited noises coming from his throat.

Hannah and Charlie slide down the hill together, ending in a collapse that has them laughing and making snow angels in the ground that they land on.

At some point after the big race, David and Mary Margaret decide to build a snowman, which leads to the rest of the family doing the same in groups.

Ruth helps her son, something Killian finds himself watching from his spot leaning against a big tree while Emma and Henry build near him.

“Killian, you have to help us.” Emma grunts as she pushes their base snowball through the snow.

Henry’s on the ground, sitting in the snow, looking up at the sky above as snowflakes trickle down slowly. He’s truly no help at all, but he seems to be enjoying his outing nonetheless.

Killian lifts his eyebrow. “Your handsome hero is here to save the day.”

He can’t see it, but he’s sure she rolls her eyes. He goes to her side and helps her push her base until she seems satisfied.

“Okay,” she exhales. “Two more?”

Killian nods. He allows himself to enjoy this, because he isn’t sure if he’ll get another day with the Nolan family, or with Emma alone. After the wedding tonight, any number of things might happen.

With Emma at his side, they both form snowballs and roll them out larger. “You know, I haven’t made a snowman ever before.”

“What?” Emma stops what she’s doing. “You haven’t made a snowman before?”

Killian stops to look at her. “That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“Well, it’s Henry’s first, too.” Emma lifts her snowball from the ground and gestures to their base. “Yours can be the middle. It’s much bigger than mine.”

He hoists his onto the base and then Emma follows suit. After she settles the head onto the snowman, it cracks and collapses back into the snow.

“Oh, no!” Emma cries.

Henry echoes the sentiment and stands to his feet to toddle close to her. “Oh, no, Mommy!”

Emma laughs. “Our snowman lost his head! What do we do?”

Killian drops to his knees in the snow and forms a ball in his hand before rolling it out in the snow. Henry goes to him and settles his hands on the formed snowball.

He chuckles. “Well, let’s see, Henry. Help me lift it?”

Henry doesn’t know what to do at first, but Killian shows him the way. He lifts the creation and grunts along with Henry.

“Oh, well done, lad.”

“Good job, Henry!” Emma cheers. Her son giggles and rushes toward her, only to fall face-first into the snow. He starts crying, to no surprise, and Emma laughs. “Oh, no, kiddo. C’mere, baby.”

For a moment, Killian thinks it might be time to bring Henry back inside, but as soon as Emma has him in her arms and speaks to him soothingly, he stops crying and instead extends his hand. She settles a carrot in his hand.

“Woah, Nolan!” Killian’s eyes widen. “Where on Earth did that come from?”

Emma looks at him with a wry twinkle in her eyes. “I’m a magician.”

“Oh,” Killian replies. “I see.”

Emma gives him a smile and turns her attention to the snowman, freshly fixed thanks to him. She helps Henry attach the carrot as the nose and then high-fives him.

“That looks awesome.”

Killian smiles, mostly at Emma and Henry, but then at the snowman. He’s become far too attached to them for his own good. “Not bad for our first snowman, hey, Henry?”

“Yeah, not bad at all.” She grins. Emma kisses the side of Henry’s head. “Okay, I’m freezing and I definitely have wet socks and probably more, so I think it’s time to head inside. We have a wedding to get ready for too.”

He hums. “I think I’ll follow you in. Let me grab your sled for you. Let you have more time inside.”

“Oh, you don’t-” Emma hesitates. She looks back at where she’d left it and he shakes his head.

“No, it’s not a trouble, love. You and Henry get back inside to the warm.”

She nods once. “Okay. Thanks.”

He waits for her to leave before Killian glances at the others, finding them enjoying their time together. Emma’s and Henry’s sleds were left over by the hill itself, whereas they’d migrated closer to the barn for snowmen building.

Killian doesn’t mind the walk, especially now that a path has been cleared by their movements. After gathering the sleds, he returns the way he’d come and runs into Ruth, who smiles slightly at him as he passes David and Mary Margaret’s snowman.

“You headed inside?”

“Aye,” he breathes out. “Getting rather cold, and I need to get ready for the wedding.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Ruth nods. “Well, this was fun. You almost beat me!”

Killian chuckles. “Almost, Ruth.”

He’d come in second, a close second, with Charlie right beside him in third. At least, according to the unbiased judge, Mary Margaret.

The woman in question smiles at him and waves. “You should ask Emma if Graham called about the roads.”

“I was actually just thinking the same thing.” He nods. “You don’t suppose my brother would delay his wedding a day if his best man couldn’t be there, would he?”

The women shrug. “You’re his only family in town. Maybe.”

It gives him only some solace, because he hasn’t actually told Liam he’s planned on attending. Liam probably still thinks he won’t show up. Mentally, he resolves that he’ll check his phone as soon as he gets inside.

Killian excuses himself from the ladies and then makes his way back toward the farmhouse. He likes the way it looks surrounded by the snow, knowing how warm it is inside.

After he leaves the sleds out by the garage, he looks with eagerness to the warm home. The snow is deep where he trudges through it up onto the porch.

He kicks his boots to get the snow off of them before opening the kitchen door. Emma’s and Henry’s snow clothes are set out already in the entry area, giving him the cue to follow suit. He can hear Wilby’s feet against the kitchen floor before he sees the dog.

Smiling, Killian tugs off his scarf and hat. “Hey, Wilby. I know, we were gone awhile, weren’t we?”

Wilby’s tongue hangs out while he waits patiently for Killian to strip out of his borrowed snow pants and jacket. Like Emma, he has soaking wet socks and his pants didn’t quite survive without getting a dowsing either.

Set on getting upstairs to change, he leaves his boots by the door and gives Wilby an affectionate stroke before heading away from the cold emanating from the door and into the warmth of the home.

He has a permanent smile on his lips while he climbs upstairs.

Emma’s watching a video or maybe she’s allowing Henry to, he can hear it, and once he finds himself at the cracked door leading into their shared living quarters, he pauses, just to listen to Emma’s voice.

“Yeah, I know, and I’m so sorry about that.” Emma says, sighing. “But- listen-”

Curious, he peeks inside, careful because he doesn’t want to interrupt her private call. Instead, what he finds is Emma, standing in a pool of light pouring out from the bathroom.

She has her hair up in a ponytail and her phone pressed against her ear, but that’s not what’s so surprising about the situation.

She’s shirtless, wearing only her bra, turned with her right side facing him and her head down as she listens to the person on the other line.

Her skin looks soft. It’s the first thing he takes notice of. The second is her mark. It’s familiar in the most horrifying way.

His heart rate quickens and he feels his skin go clammy. Suddenly, the world slows, and all he can see is the intricate design, a constellation that reminds him of the Cygnus imprinted on her flesh.

She laughs, a bubbly noise, one that causes his heart to jump again.

Tears find their way forward, regrettably, and he sucks in a breath as he turns away, unable to keep looking for fear of being caught.

Instead, he hurries away from the upstairs and makes his way to the downstairs restroom. Wilby follows him, but he leaves the dog in the lurch and closes the door before he can be joined.

He flicks on the light and faces himself in the mirror. He’s started shaking, his thoughts swirling, and the only thing on his mind is to strip his shirt off to see.

He turns to the right after the shirt falls to the floor and looks at the reflection. His fingers tremble where they rest, held up in the air so he can see the mark he’s never wanted.

The shape starts on his ribcage and flows downward, marking wings like a bird, with one particularly special mark at the very top all alone. His shaking fingers trace the figure as he closes his eyes to envision Emma’s.

His throat constricts and he meets his eyes again in the mirror.

Killian breathes out. “Bloody hell.”

He grabs onto the countertop for stability and breathes in deeply a few times. A smile finds his face and he allows the tears to flow, relief suddenly swallowing him entirely.

“All that time. All that time I thought…” He stops himself, looking into his own eyes. They’ve become slightly red. “It’s just a mark. Nothing more. Any number of people might have it.”

His heart pounds against his ribcage, reminding him that he’s nothing but a hopeless romantic.  That since the day he lost his soulmate, he’s laid idle, waiting for the right person to come around in a world filled with people who’ve already found their true love. That since he got to Storybrooke and met Emma Nolan, he’s felt more fulfilled than he has in a very long time.

There’s a pull from the very center of his being, one that aches every moment he spends apart from his match. Since Milah died, he’s felt it. The past few years, it’s fallen away; forgotten like a distant memory. But he feels it again. It pulls and pulls and pulls.

_She’s yours_ , his heart whispers. She’s his second chance.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an: Surprise! Two chapters in one day! I've decided to try and do two a day, but we'll see how long it lasts with my schedule. I hope you continue to enjoy this story! I have adored every review- they always make me smile so big to see how much you're getting into it!

eleven

The roads aren’t cleared until six, which means Emma sits in her bedroom on the phone with Elsa for a full three hours until she hears her dad call up about the roads.

She’s wearing a dress she hopes will be appropriate, and Henry’s sitting on the floor playing with his toys and Wilby in his pajamas because she wants to leave him in the easiest condition with her parents.

Killian cleans up nicely, but she hasn’t been able to tell him so. He’s sitting on his bed, focused on his phone with a knitted brow and clenched jaw. He’s wearing a suit and tie, and his hair has been combed back.

She nibbles on her lower lip at the sound of her father’s voice and glances at the clock on the screen of her laptop. “It’s six o’clock and the roads are finally cleared.”

Elsa sighs. “Oh, what a relief. I’m going to continue freaking out about these arrangements and let you go, then.”

“I’ll be right there.” Emma promises. “And don’t worry about the arrangements. Just… tell Anna-”

“Anna’s busy with the cake.” Elsa reminds her.

Emma closes her eyes briefly. “Right. Okay. Then I’m coming and you just hang tight, okay?”

“Oh, Emma, please hurry. This whole thing is falling apart. Am I even doing the right thing?”

Emma’s eyes widen as she climbs off of her bed. She gestures outward toward where her father stands, causing Killian to lift his darkened and frustrated eyes to her. He pulls himself to his feet and puts his phone away. Then, he bids Henry goodnight as Emma gives her father’s arm a thankful squeeze.

“I’ll be back by midnight,” she mouths. “I’ll call.”

Her father nods in understanding. “Be careful. Drive safe.”

Quickly, she makes her way downstairs. She doesn’t have time to waste, because Elsa’s apparently having cold feet after spending the entirety of her relationship with Liam so absolutely certain of herself and what she wanted.

“Elsa, you were just telling me like an hour ago that you were so glad you were doing this.” Emma sighs. “Don’t tell me you’re having doubts an hour before the ceremony because I’m not driving into town on Christmas for that.”

Elsa makes a noise. “You’re right. Okay. I’ll- wait until you get here.”

“You’re soulmates,” Emma says as she steps into the kitchen where her mother and Hannah are chatting at the table. “Why are you freaking out?”

“Emma, Brennan’s here and he’s… nice, but he’s a lot and I know he means well, flying in on Christmas morning just to be here for Liam-”

Emma stops dead in her tracks. She has one foot in a boot and she turns to look at Killian with wide eyes. “Your dad is here.”

And suddenly, the clenched jaw and dark expression makes sense. He already knows.

“What if I’m being irrational?” Elsa wonders.

“Woah,” Emma shakes her head. “Who are you and what did you do with Elsa? No, you’re not being irrational.”

Her friend sighs heavily. “Emma. Hurry. Please.”

“I can’t hurry if you keep almost cancelling your wedding while I’m trying to get out the door, Els. Just promise you won’t move or think or do anything until I get there.”

“Okay.” Elsa agrees.

“It’s not a mistake. You’re doing the right thing. I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.”

Emma hangs up and releases a heavy sigh. “This is going to be interesting. Elsa’s having cold feet.”

“What?” her mother asks. “That’s unlike her.”

“I know.” Emma nods. She looks at Killian, who grabs her peacoat from the hanger. He holds it out for her. She smiles gratefully and moves so he can help her get into it. After she has it on, she turns to her mother again. “We have to get going. Henry should be fine. You know the drill. Let me know if he needs me.”

Her mother smiles. “We’ll take good care of him. Have fun at the wedding. I’m sure it’ll be wonderful.”

Emma sighs. “I hope so.” She turns to Killian, finding him staring off into space, clearly deep in thought about something she isn’t privy to. “Hey, you ready?”

His eyes find hers, as if he’s seeing her for the first time. He snaps out of it a second later, nodding. “Aye, yeah. Let’s go.”

///

Killian is quiet the whole drive into town, so Emma clears her throat and looks at him briefly when they reach Main Street.

“You okay there? You’ve been really quiet since we got inside from sledding.”

Killian clears his throat and looks back at her. “I’m fine,” he says, but he doesn’t sound it. “Liam… texted me about Brennan being in town and I’m trying to decide if I should be mad or glad. I assume he flew private so he might be able to take me home after.”

The thought of him going home early makes her heart sink unexpectedly. She stares intently at the road and swallows thickly, mostly trying to decipher why she feels sad about the idea of him leaving. They’ve had a few fun days together, but it hasn’t been anything significant.

“Oh.”

Killian sighs heavily through his nose. “I don’t know, though, obviously. I might just stay. Make sure Liam doesn’t get into any more trouble.”

“Right.” She pulls up to town hall, a place already surprisingly packed with cars. “I didn’t realize they invited the whole town to their wedding. I thought they wanted it to be small.”

“Well, of course, because Liam has lived here forever. They all adore him.” Killian says dryly.

Emma can’t help but laugh a little. She looks over at her counterpart and finds him smiling a bit at his own sarcastic remark.

After pulling into a spot, she turns to him more. “Hey, listen, if you don’t want to be here…”

“No,” he shakes his head. Killian’s brow scrunches and he gives her an assuring smile. “Forget all that. I’m fine. Promise.”

There’s something in his words and in his eyes that leads her to believe he’s telling the truth. Her unease about them attending the wedding fades away and instead, she catches up to the moment. They’re at a wedding. Together.

“Well, I have a very nervous bride to soothe,” Emma says. “And I’m sure you have a lot you have to deal with, so…”

“Shall I reserve a dance now?” he asks, finally breaking his mood with a saucy lift of an eyebrow.

Emma laughs once. “You sure you can handle a dance, Jones?”

He gives her an ‘oh please’ look. “Darling, I worry you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

She hums and giggles a little under her breath as she opens her door. “Well, I’ll see you at the altar, then, Best Man.”

There’s something that ignites behind his eyes, a flame that hadn’t been there before, and he smirks cheekily. “Aye. I’ll see you there.”

///

When Killian finds Liam, his brother is standing nervously in a quiet storage room. He’s facing the wall, away from him, so it gives Killian a second to think about how he should make his entrance known.

“Well, let’s see it, then, big brother.”

Liam spins around, a smile spreading to his eyes. “Killian. You made it.”

He shrugs and shakes his head. “Of course I did. I’d have to be cruel to skip my own brother’s wedding.”

They stare at one another for a few seconds. The significance of him being here after their argument runs through his mind, so he imagines Liam must feel nothing short of nervous relief.

“Well? Come on, give us a hug.” Killian holds his arms open and rolls his eyes slightly.

Liam laughs and moves to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here. Kristoff is wonderful, but he’s a bit dull to talk to.”

They pull part and Killian tilts his head slightly to the side. “How was your Christmas?”

“Hectic,” Liam says, sighing heavily. “After nine or so, things really picked up. Trying to plan a wedding in two days is bloody ridiculous and I’m surprised we’re even here now.”

Killian holds in his urge to laugh. His brother seems frazzled, something he never is, and he can only imagine how Elsa feels about the whole thing.

A question forms on the tip of his tongue, but he has no time to ask it, because instead, he’s interrupted by the sound of his father’s voice.

“Liam, I think you ought to- oh! Killian. You’re here.”

Killian turns to find his father standing in the doorway, dressed in one of his favorite suits and a big smile. His hair has been slicked back, still almost ridiculously long for his age.

“Liam was worried you wouldn’t show.”

Killian shakes his head. “I wouldn’t do that to him.”

Liam claps him on the back. “I certainly appreciate it, Killian.”

Brennan eyes them both proudly for a few quiet seconds before he speaks again. “Killian, I don’t know if Liam told you, but I have some investment meetings coming up this week in New York, so I’ll be able to fly you home as soon as they’re finished.”

Liam nods. “I told him you might be willing to shadow him for a meeting or two. I’ll be on my honeymoon after all, so I don’t think I should abandon my new wife for meetings.”

The prospect of joining his father on even just one meeting makes him want to run and hide, but it also makes him angry. If his father wants him to leave town, he’ll be leaving town no matter what. That will mean less time with Emma, and even less time to figure out what it all means.

“Well, surely you can manage a few meetings on your own. I’m on vacation.” Killian says, his own bravery a little shocking to the quiet part of himself.

Allowing himself to be strung along seems to have been his coping mechanism these past few years, and with everything he’s seen and done these past few days, he doesn’t want to go back.

Brennan frowns. “Killian, you’ve never taken a single vacation in the time you’ve worked for me.”

“I’m taking one now.” Killian states firmly.

His father is taken aback, quietly staring at him with a slack jaw. “Killian, you have a responsibility to our-”

“Your,” Killian corrects. “It’s your business, Brennan. Not mine.” He turns to Liam. “Li, do you need anything? I’m sure it’s about time to get out there if you’re ever going to get married.”

Liam smiles knowingly at Killian and proudly squeezes his shoulder. “No, I’m just fine. Walk me out?”

“Of course.”

When Killian passes his father, the man grips his arm and squeezes gently. “I know we’re not on the best terms, but you’re still my son. I can tell when something’s bothering you. What’s going on?”

Killian searches his eyes. Liam’s gone ahead, probably having realized this was a conversation they need to share in private. He takes his arm away from his father.

“I don’t want the business,” Killian says. “I haven’t wanted it since we signed those papers and I certainly don’t want it now that I’ve seen how it works.”

“Well, what do you want then, Killian? I’m trying to give you something-”

“I don’t know,” Killian shakes his head. He gestures outward. “I want to get through this wedding without you breathing down my neck about responsibility and meetings. I want a father who actually cares about how I feel.”

Brennan frowns deeply. “I do care.”

“You do?” Killian laughs dryly. “The last I checked you abandoned two little boys to live with their dying mother and then nearly refused to be present the rest of their lives, until one day, it became convenient for you.”

“Killian, I know what I did was awful, but that gives you no excuse to keep holding it over my head as if I haven’t changed.”

His stomach jerks violently and he clenches his jaw. Looking away, he contemplates a response. “I don’t want to talk about this right now. It’s Liam’s wedding and I need to be there for him.”

Somehow, he manages to leave the room without another peep from the man. Instead, he finds Liam grinning nervously at guests and approaching them at their seats to shake hands.

“Liam, hey,” Killian settles his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Come on, back to the altar. I’m sure she’ll be ready any moment now.”

Liam lets out a trembling breath and nods. “Alright.” He manages a smile. “Everything okay with Brennan?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he spies their father slipping into the room and finding a seat. Killian nods with a crumpled brow at Liam.

“Aye, yeah, nothing to worry about.”

With a sorrowful frown, Liam gives a minute shake of his head. “You don’t have to lie to me, Killian. Him being here is not my favorite thing either.”

It makes him more agitated than it should; the fact that Brennan showed up to Liam’s wedding without Liam being all too pleased about it. His fingers flex by his sides.

  
“Liam-”

“No, no, just please, help me stop stressing about whether or not I’ve got the right words to say come the vows.”

Killian pauses for only a moment, casting a lingering stare out at their father in his seat in the front row near Elsa’s aunt Ingrid. The man isn’t staring back at him, rather at his phone, which seems appropriate, all things considered.

///

By the time Emma arrived to save the day, Elsa had already come to the conclusion that she was beyond ready to marry Liam.

She supposes she should thank Anna for that, because without her help, they wouldn’t be sitting at tables in the town hall with love pop songs playing loud on the crappy speakers and eating pizza.

While she could pick on the tiny things that went wrong, like the fact that the wedding cake is far too small for all of the guests, or the fact that at the last minute, Liam realized he left the rings in his bag back at the apartment, or the Brennan Jones of it all, she sees the love between Elsa and Liam and it’s honest and true.

They’re dancing, both of them grinning so happily that it’s almost absurd. Elsa laughs brightly as her new husband twirls her in his arms. Liam’s discarded his jacket, now going for the suspenders over his button-up look and pretty much killing it.

“So, what do you think?” Killian’s voice suddenly rips her attention away from the happy couple.

He’s standing just to her left before he decidedly has a seat beside her at the table. She smiles slightly, keeping her focus on the way her best friend grabs both of Liam’s hands and giddily sways them from side-to-side.

“She’s happy. They’re both happy.” Emma says. She turns to face the brother of the groom and discovers his content smile.

“Aye.”

Her heart jumps when he meets her eyes. He clears his throat and runs his fingers over the edge of the table.

“I was… hoping I could have a dance.”

Emma closes her eyes briefly with a laugh through her nose. She grabs for his hand and takes it before standing and tugging at him to follow. He complies more than willingly.

Going onto the dance floor, they’re joined by dozens of other couples.

With a deep breath, Emma takes one of Killian’s hands while he gently lowers his other to her side. His tentative touch brings chills to her skin. Her heart flutters at the way he stares at her, with such care and kindness.

Together, they begin to dance, and it’s as if they’re all alone.

His eyes shine bluer under the glow of soft lights, and his hair’s lost it’s slicked back appeal, instead a little sloppy with hair hanging over his forehead. He seems happy. Lighter. Free.

She isn’t sure what has prompted this in him, having seen the cynicism he’d had toward the wedding and soulmates in general, but it’s nice to see that he’s come to a place of peace about it.

“You’re pretty good at this.” Emma says, hoping to lighten the mood.

Killian’s lips curl into a bright grin easily. He nods, accepting the compliment, but then arches an eyebrow at her. “You’re far better, milady.”

His fingers curl against her hip and she allows herself to get swept up in the feeling of being in his arms. For a moment, maybe, she can pretend she belongs to him, and that together they’re just as happy as the matched couples in the room.

“How was your dad?” she wonders.

He sighs heavily. “He wants to take me to New York for meetings.”

Her heart sinks at the idea. She frowns. “Oh.”

“I know,” he shakes his head. “But I don’t think I’ll go. I’d… rather stay here.”

He sounds so timid and shy, something that makes her smile a little. His ears go a little red and he averts his gaze for a brief moment before returning his attention to her.

She hasn’t felt _love_ in a while- hasn’t had butterflies in her belly or felt excitement to wake up and just see someone or felt an ache in her core that burns like longing. But she feels it like a dull throb in the back of her mind, knowing full well that she could feel it again with him.

“Why?” she asks, almost dumbly.

Her voice sounds quiet to her own ears and she immediately regrets asking the question.

With a fragment of a smile, Killian scoffs and looks away from her entirely. When he looks back at her, he doesn’t have to say anything for her to know that he feels it all too.

“I don’t know,” he replies. “I thought it might be nice to spend some more time in peace before having to go back to a world I don’t really belong to.”

Emma nods in agreement. “Yeah.”

They’ve started swaying in place, too focused on their conversation and the look in each other’s eyes to move too much more.

_Soulmates are a waste of time._

The fundamental principle she’d lived her life believing suddenly seems like a fallacy. Fear easily crushes any feeling she may have had for Killian. All she can think about is how he must see himself as a poison, that if he were to be in a relationship with her he’d inevitably ruin it because his chance at a soulmate is long gone.

Any relationship they’d have would be weighted down by that fact. She’d see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice.

And she’d always _wonder_. What if she’d found her soulmate? What if she was stupid, being as stubborn as she was? Allowing herself to fall in love with someone who lost their soulmate instead of actually finding hers?

She hardly knows him anyway, so it’s stupid she’s contemplating soulmates and the morality of dating someone who lost theirs, especially when she doesn’t believe in them.

Just the same, anxiety sits on her chest like an elephant and she drops her hands, causing Killian to do the same.

It breaks the facade of the moment. Music hits her ears loudly, and she sees other people dancing around them, lost in their partners’ eyes just as she had been.

“Emma,” Killian’s voice is as soft as his touch, lingering on her wrist. “Emma, I-”

“Emma!” August interrupts, approaching with a grin on his face unparalleled. “Hi!”

“August,” Emma laughs. She approaches her old friend, eager for a distraction. “I didn’t realize you were here. Hey.”

He gestures outward. “You wanna dance?”

Emma takes a cleansing breath and turns to look at Killian, but finds he’s already gone. She turns back to August and nods.

“Yeah. Why not?”

His touch is just as gentle as Killian’s, maybe more, as if he’s worried she’ll break. He seems nervous, but he hides it well.

Together, they make an easy fit. A nice fit.

He makes her laugh when he spins her around and eventually, he seems confident and comfortable enough to hold her closer to him than before.

“This was a nice night.” August says.

Emma gives him an easy smile. “It was. I’m glad I wasn’t snowed in.”

He hums. “Did Henry get everything he wanted for Christmas?”

She laughs. “And then some.”

August chuckles. “I’m glad to hear it.”

For a few moments, they sway, staring at each other and allowing the song to wash over them.

“Emma, I have to admit something to you.”

Her heart skips a beat. She lifts an eyebrow and laughs nervously. “Okay.”

“I know you’re not a believer in soulmates. And I want you to know that I’m not either. I’ve never looked to see my match. I don’t see the point in it.” August’s resolve starts to crack ever so slightly and he loses his smile before forcing it to come back again. “I’ve had a crush on you for a long time.”

His boyish charm shines through in the smile he gives her then. So nervous, yet so brave.

Emma’s jaw falls, as if she had no idea he’d felt this way. Of course she’d had an idea, but hearing it from him now makes it all so different.

“Oh… I…”

“I’m not asking if you feel the same way, because that’s crazy,” August insists, “but what I am asking is if you might want to go on a date with me.”

With everything she’s felt tonight, questioning the way she feels about Killian and now dancing with August, she isn’t sure what to say.

She’s known him most of her life. They went to school together. He’s kind. He’s smart. He has a thriving business in town. Her family adores him. He’s always been her friend, even when she had Henry and didn’t think anybody would look at her that way. He means something to her.

From where she’s standing, over his left shoulder she can see Killian drinking something dark out of a short glass. He glances at her after pointing his attention at the glass and panicked, she looks back at August again.

He’s waiting for her to say something, and with each passing second it must feel like torture. Admitting that he has feelings for her must have been brutally tough enough as it is.

“August, it’s sweet of you to-”

He shuts his eyes and sighs deeply through his nose. “I knew this would happen.” August puts on a smile and Emma frowns because of it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

Seeing him like this breaks her heart. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, right? Maybe they’re compatible. They have similar interests and she knows he’s loyal and trustworthy. Going on a date with him would not be the worst thing that could ever happen to her.

“No, no,” Emma reaches for his fallen hands and takes them. She smiles at him softly. “I’d love to go on a date with you.”


	12. Chapter 12

twelve

He’s a proper idiot thinking he might have been able to admit he’s seen her mark and he thinks they should start dating. His brother’s wedding isn’t the best time to be so stupid, so it’s probably for the best that Emma was swept off of her feet by another man.

After pretending he’s not watching her dance with him from afar, he pretends to not see that she practically dances with him to a table apart from him and sits with this man. Whoever he is, she seems to think he’s funny, because she keeps giggling to an almost uncharacteristic end.

She occasionally catches his eyes, as if she needs to maintain the connection she has with him. Maybe it’s something, in what feels like a sea of failure.

“Killian,” Liam’s voice interrupts his final swig of rum.

He turns, lifting his eyebrows at his brother. He smiles, but only just so. “Hey, Liam. How’s it? Do you need anything?”

“No, no,” Liam assures him on a grin. “I came to check on you! Why so glum, brother?”

Killian shakes his head. “Not glum. Just… introspective.”

Liam hums. “Well, we can’t have that. Not tonight.”

His brother grabs him by the arm and tugs him to his feet.

“Liam..”

“Shush up. I know why you’re thinking so much. It’s about time we’ve settled something with Brennan.”

Suddenly, he’s jostled to attention as Liam starts walking him over toward their father, who sits alone at a table. He has his focus on the dancing, which surprises Killian a little considering how his father’s brain works.

Killian stops moving and shakes his head. “Liam, I don’t need to talk to him.”

“Nonsense,” Liam insists. “We both do. And we’re settling it now because things have officially changed for us now that I’m a married man.”

“We really don’t need to,” Killian insists. “What do you even want to talk about?”

“How about the fact that I’m moving to America and he doesn’t know that yet?” Liam asks. “We can start there, and then lead into a discussion about how _you_ , little brother, are likely to follow suit.”

Killian gives him a look. “I’m not about to up and leave our father alone with the business just because you’re married and living in Maine.”

Liam settles his hands on Killian’s shoulders and forces him to stare into his eyes. “I know you’re not happy. You throw yourself into it because you’re trying to live up to some standard thinking it’ll make him want you the way he should have when we were young. I do it too, I’ll admit, but since I met Elsa, I’ve… changed. Surely you’ve noticed.”

Killian swallows thickly. He nods and looks down briefly.

“It’s not right that we’re stuck like this,” Liam whispers, “and it’s why I want you to stay here with me when he goes back home.”

He meets Liam’s eyes. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” Killian shakes his head. He gestures outward vaguely. “This is _your_ home now, Liam. You’re married. As much as I’ve come to like this place… it’s not home for me.”

His brother frowns. “It can be.”

He opens his mouth to argue, but promptly closes it. Instead, Elsa approaches with infectious laughter on her lips.

“Hey boys,” Elsa wraps her fingers around her husband’s arm.

Liam looks at Elsa affectionately, something that makes jealousy rise inside of him like a raging fire. He hadn’t realized just how badly he wanted something like this until tonight, watching them in their blissfully unaware bubble.

“Hi, love, apologies for disappearing.” Liam looks at him again. “I noticed Killian sitting alone and thought I’d try and help.”

Elsa frowns. “Oh, Killian.” She releases Liam’s arm and extends her hand. “Dance with me?”

WIth a glance at his brother, Killian hesitates. Liam gives him a look, which makes him reluctantly take her hand and follow her toward the dance floor.

He finds himself distracted, with his head spinning about Brennan and about the future, so to say he’s giving his all to Elsa would be incorrect.

“I know we didn’t get off on the best foot,” Elsa says after a moment, “but I hope you can still like me even though I’m stealing your brother.”

Killian’s attention snaps back to her. At first, his brow knits in confusion, but then he smiles, shaking his head.

“Of course I can.” He laughs and a matching smile spreads on Elsa’s face.

“I was so worried you didn’t like me.”

“Are you kidding?” Killian asks. He glances over at his brother briefly and holds Elsa closer to himself. “No, I think you’re fantastic. You’re wonderful for him. Truly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy.”

Elsa smiles timidly. She gets a little rosy-cheeked and glances away from him as her teeth drag against her lower lip.

“Well, I know he adores you and he wants the best for you.” Elsa says. “So you’re always, always welcome to visiting us. Wherever we end up.”

Killian can’t help but feel a little sad. His brother, the man he’d looked up to as a hero, will no longer be in his life as prevalently as he was before. Things are changing, for the better or not.

Sighing, he says, “Thanks, Elsa. I’ll keep that in mind.”

///

Killian isn’t sure he could have a worse night, after sinking to a place where he regrets coming to America at all.

But as he sits in a fold-out chair watching Emma Nolan laugh so happily that she throws her head back at something one of her friends- Aurora, he thinks- says, everything makes less and less sense.

He should be the one making her laugh like that. He should have his arm around her, holding her close.

To think, he’d been so close to telling her about the way he feels for her, and now he’s sitting stupidly on the side waiting for her to tell him she’s ready to take him back to the farm.

What he wouldn’t give for that right about now. He’d really like to cuddle with Wilby, shower the night off of his skin, and fall asleep listening to Henry’s breathing.

Almost as if she senses him, Emma turns, looking at him. She loses the smile slowly and turns to her friend apologetically. Then, as soon as they’re finished with a goodbye hug, she comes to him.

With a wry look on her face, she has a seat beside him and lifts an eyebrow. “You’re brooding.”

Killian scoffs. “I’m not brooding.”

“You definitely are,” Emma argues. She has a ghost of a playful smile on her lips.

To shut the argument down entirely, he snaps lowly, “I don’t think you know me well enough to know if I’m brooding or not.”

Immediately, he regrets it, because it’s entirely stupid. Brooding is brooding; there’s no need to dirty their already fragile relationship.

Emma’s face falls slightly and she glances down at her phone in her hand. “It’s getting late. We should probably get going.”

“Please.” Killian nods in agreement. He licks his lips and pulls himself to his feet.

Most of the guests have gone home, but there are still quite a few people hanging around the newly married couple. Seeing that they’re occupied, Killian chooses to leave without a goodbye or good luck. Instead, he makes his way to the doors.

“You’re not going to say goodbye?” Emma asks.

He turns and finds her at his side. “No, they’re busy. I’ll just ask if I can meet them for breakfast tomorrow.”

Emma seems satisfied with that response. She pauses and gestures toward a door to their left. “I have to go grab my coat.”

“Alright.”

Killian watches her go, his eyes falling closed in disgust because he’s such an idiot. He’s only acting this way because he’s angry with himself.

He should have just told her that they match. She wants to know who hers is, even if she’s afraid of knowing. Part of him likes to think she wouldn’t be so terrified to know if it were him.

But, then again, he’s not a believer in the thought that anyone’s special _person_ is based primarily on the marks on their sides. Even if their sides match, it doesn’t mean anything.

Killian drags his hand through his hair and releases a heavy sigh.

“Nice party, yeah?”

The sound of his father’s voice makes him turn. His eyes widened slightly, Killian nods his head.

“Aye.”

Brennan tips his head toward where Emma had gone. “Is she…”

“We’re friends,” Killian states. “I’m staying at her place because there’s no room anywhere else in town.”

His father frowns. “Really? I got a room all to myself at the inn.”

Not wanting to ask too many questions about his sleeping situation, Killian makes immediate peace with the fact that there was a room open at the inn and that instead of seeking it out, he chose to stay with the Nolan’s.

It’s certainly been much more fun and exciting this way.

“Have you given it any more thought, coming to New York with me?”

As he looks at his father, he’s not sure he can manage telling him off entirely. Not now, at Liam’s wedding reception. It’s Christmas, too.

His jaw clenches and he shakes his head. “I don’t want to come with you.”

“Very well,” Brennan sighs. “I’ll be in town another two or three days before I head off. If you change your mind.” His father smiles slightly. “Merry Christmas, son. I wish I had something to give you.”

“It’s alright,” Killian smiles sarcastically. “You never have.”

Luckily, Emma comes to his side then and smiles at his father. “Hi, you must be Mr. Jones. I’m Emma. I’m Elsa’s best friend.”

Brennan turns to her. “It’s lovely to meet you, Emma.”

“Yeah.” Emma exhales. She looks up at him. “We really should get going.”

“That we should,” Killian agrees. He settles his hand on the small of her back and presses enough to get her to move. He lifts his eyebrows at his father, but says nothing else.

As soon as they’re outside, the cold shocks him just a little more than it should. He shivers and keeps his head down as they hurry to the truck.

When they’re inside, Emma quickly takes the keys and starts the vehicle, shivering and blowing air out past her teeth. “It’s freezing!”

Killian stares at her, admiring the way her hair still curls over her shoulders and how pretty her cheeks look all rosy. She presses a button on the center console and then looks up at him. His heart jumps.

“You doing okay?”

“Aye,” he smiles. “I’m fine.”

Emma smiles back, in a way that makes him wish they weren’t _friends_. There’s a tug in the pit of his belly when he thinks that he’d like to kiss her because of that smile.

They start on their way to the farm in the most quiet and companionable silence.

Maybe there’s still a chance. He could just tell her that he likes her, that he hasn’t felt anything as right as when he feels when he’s with her- he doesn’t have to turn it into a Soulmate discussion.

It isn’t until they reach the first turn that Emma says, “So… August asked me out on a date.”

His stomach jerks violently. He avoids looking at her. “A date?”

She responds with a hum. “It’s stupid and it’s probably going nowhere, but… I don’t know. I guess I’m just tired of waiting for someone to just fall into my lap.”

The sick feeling worsens with each word of her reply.

He could have told her tonight. He had the chance. And now there’s none.

///

In the days that follow Christmas before New Year’s Eve, the Nolan family spends most of their time lounging around in the living room. Killian doesn’t mind it, but he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t feel useless.

He and Emma sit together on the couch. Emma’s reading something for her schooling while he watches Henry toddle around the room with toys in his hands that ultimately get displaced for newer toys or settled in Killian’s lap.

Glancing at Emma, she looks cozy in her cream colored sweater and knit socks. She has her hair down, curls pressed against her shoulders naturally. He tries to ignore the fact that she smells just as lovely and warm.

“Hey, do you want to go out to the barn?” Emma asks suddenly, tearing him away from watching Henry play. “I’m getting tired of the couch.”

He isn’t certain what more he could learn or see in the barn after his very thorough lesson in cleaning after the creatures, but without anything to do, he likes the idea of getting out of the house for even a little while.

“Sure.”

Emma smiles softly at him. Then, she looks at her son. “Hey, Henry. C’mere, monkey boy. We’re going to go outside and see the animals.”

He follows her lead to get up and go. Emma carries Henry into the kitchen and settles him down on the floor, but the boy is far too eager to move away.

Luckily, Killian’s able to grab him and kneels down as he holds onto him while Emma grabs his coat and boots. She seems to appreciate his help, offering him a smile as she explains to Henry that he should stay put.

“Dada,” Henry babbles, looking directly into his eyes. He settles his fingers from one hand on his cheek and giggles. “Dada.”

Killian’s heart skips a violent beat. His jaw falls open slightly and he feels a blush on his cheeks as he looks up at the boy’s mother.

She stares at them both with wide eyes. Her motions to get her son bundled up have paused, not surprisingly.

“Why are you calling him that, Henry? Huh?”

In an attempt at easing her heart, Killian clears his throat and shakes his head. “Perhaps it’s just an easy nickname.”

She stares at him for a few seconds, obviously uncertain, and then turns her attention to getting Henry’s feet settled into his shoes.

Regardless of the weight of the name Henry’s chosen for him, it’s easy to pretend that Emma hasn’t decided to go on a date with somebody that isn’t him with her son clinging to his legs while he gets his own coat and scarf on.

Emma laughs and shakes her head at the scene. “Henry, come here.”

She reaches down to scoop him up into her arms, resulting in a fuss from the boy. “No, Mama. No. Dada!”

Killian works quickly to get himself settled and ready to go outside and then extends his arms out. “I can take you now, if you want, lad.”

Henry squirms out of his mother’s arms and into his instead, easily settling down as soon as he’s on Killian’s hip.

Emma shakes her head slowly. “Boys.”

It’s a silent victory.

Wilby blazes the path ahead to the barn after Emma opens up the door, as if the dog knew that they’d be going to visit the animals.

Emma walks alongside him, casting glances his way every few steps, and when Henry babbles, she laughs with Killian.

“It’s awfully cold, isn’t it?” Killian teases as Henry presses himself closer to his neck.

“We’re almost there.” Emma promises.

She opens up the barn doors not five steps later, inviting them out of the weather and instead into a slightly warmer climate.

“Look, Henry, horses.” Killian points to the stalls to their left and Henry perks up, tossing a hand at them while he makes a noise of surprise.

He shifts to hold Henry with both hands and flies him in close enough to touch the horse, something Henry does with a delighted giggle. For his part, he can’t stop himself from smiling, not with someone as adorable as Henry in his arms.

After a few seconds, he turns to find Emma taking pictures with her phone. Clearly, the moment is important enough to be captured.

He pulls Henry back in after he seems uncomfortable with the closeness of the horse and offers him a high five, to which Henry happily complies.

Emma lifts a bag into her hands. “Here. You can feed her if you want. I think you met her last time. Her name is Snowflake.”

Killian lowers Henry onto the ground. Thankfully, this time he stays put, staring up at him with wide eyes. Emma gives Killian an apple.

“Just hold out your hand. She’ll smell it if you’re close enough.”

He’s nervous, but only just, so he hesitates for a few seconds before he extends his hand for the horse. He grimaces comedically, something both Henry and Emma laugh at. Snowflake finds the apple and practically inhales it straight off of his hand.

Perhaps the best part of this is that Emma seems to genuinely be enjoying her time with him.

She hasn’t told anyone but him that she’s got a date coming up, but he thinks it’s probably more for her own sanity than anything. He can imagine how out of hand it would get if Mary Margaret or David knew she was about to take a step in that direction.

With his own sanity in question, he decides to forget that she’s about to go on a date with August, and instead chooses to live in this moment, with Henry and Emma and a barn full of animals.

And it’s easily one of the best moments of his life. Both Emma and Henry have laughter that fasten the beating of his heart, and smiles that could shine brighter than the sun.

///

Emma spends too long picking out what she should wear.

Henry’s sitting on the floor of her bedroom playing with his toys, and she keeps looking at him when he so much as makes a noise from the back of his throat, rather than giving attention to the clothes in her wardrobe.

It’s not his fault, though, of course. She’s just too stressed about the date and what’s about to happen tonight. About what might change just because she agreed to have dinner with August.

Her fingers press against her temples and then she slaps her hands against her hips as she shakes her head. Nothing feels right about any article of clothing she has in her wardrobe, and there’s only about half an hour before she has to leave.

“You haven’t dressed yet?” Killian’s voice surprises her. He’s standing in the doorway, a slightly bemused expression in his eyes.

“No,” Emma admits. She sighs and grabs the dress she’d been eyeing. “Is this too much?”

Killian eyes it and squints, shrugging. “I think you’d look good in anything.”

“Thanks for your help.” Emma huffs. She puts the dress back in her wardrobe and crosses her arms against her chest.

When she looks down, Henry’s at Killian’s legs, grinning up at him and holding his arms out like he wants to be held. “Dada!”

Killian complies with a smile and a dramatic _oof_ as he hoists the boy into his arms. “Hey there, little one.”

His fingers immediately go to Henry’s belly to tickle him, causing bubbly laughter to echo around the room. Emma can’t help but laugh a little at the sweet sound.

She’d much rather stay here tonight and watch Henry play with Killian for a few more hours.

“Maybe I should just call it off,” Emma sighs.

She goes to sit on her bed and Killian’s attention goes back to her.

“Come on, now,” Killian shakes his head. He carries Henry with him to the wardrobe. “You’d look great in just about all of this. What’s wrong with the pink dress?”

Emma scrunches up her nose. “Not the right time.”

He lifts an eyebrow at her, but doesn’t question it. He turns back to examine her clothes. “Ah… how about you wear a sweater, like this one.” He pulls free one of her favorite sweaters. “And jeans? It’s a first date. I imagine it won’t be fancy.”

She grimaces. “No, I’m pretty sure it is fancy, and if I wore that sweater I’d be too nervous I’d get it dirty.”

Killian examines it for a second and then hums. “I see. So how long has it been since you’ve been on a date, then?” He turns to her awaiting an answer and she replies quietly, lifting her brows at him. “Since long before Henry, I assume.”

Emma nods. “And never with a friend I’ve known my whole life.”

“Right.”

She throws herself back on her bed and stares up at the ceiling for a moment before putting her hands over her face. She groans and shakes her head. Stress-induced tears burn behind her eyes.

“If it’s making you feel like this, maybe you ought to call it off.” Killian suggests. “Until you’re ready.”

She weighs his words in her heart and swallows. “But I _am_ ready.”

Emma pulls herself to sit upright again. She feels entirely nauseous, the opposite of how she should feel tonight. She should be excited.

Killian looks down as he speaks, “Perhaps, then, you’re uneasy because you don’t know if he’s the _right_ person.” His jaw clenches. His blue eyes shine when he meets her eyes again. “It’s understandable, considering everything you’ve been through.”

She knows with everything in her that he’s probably right, but then she thinks about how sure August had been. Her heart aches knowing she’d break his if she doesn’t even make an effort.

“No, I need to try.” Emma says. She stands and goes to her wardrobe. She grabs the black dress on the end and goes immediately to the bathroom.

On a deep breath, she tugs her shirt off and turns to see the marks on her side. Her fingers press against the spots and her heart skips a beat when she hears Killian’s voice in her bedroom, talking with Henry no doubt.

_What if he’s right?_

No, she reminds herself, _soulmates are a massive waste of time_. She should feel comfortable dating anyone she wants if it means finding peace about the whole situation.

Even still, she hesitates with her fingers on her hip and closes her eyes as she traces out the pattern from memory. It’s a bird, she thinks, and if she were smart, she might look it up online to see if there’s anything in the sky like it. But she’s stubborn to a fault instead.

Eyes open again, she meets her own gaze and forces herself to stop doubting her own choices again.

She’s going on a date with August. She already agreed. He’s already excited.

She didn’t tell anyone, other than Killian, for fear of over excitement overwhelming the situation on her mother’s part. The woman has been pining for her to find someone for a long time.

When she gets the dress on, she bites at her lip and sighs. The zipper needs help.

Emma pulls her hair off to one side and opens the door. “Hey, Killian? Could you zip me up?”

Killian stands by her bed, with Henry bouncing with his knees as he stands on it. She makes her way to his side by the time he turns to look at her and immediately she sees his expression change. His eyes widen slightly and his lips part.

“Ah… of course.” He clears his throat and turns his attention to her son, who he adoringly tells to stay put on the bed before he goes to her. “Bloody hell, Emma. You look…”

“I know.” With a wry grin, she turns with her back to him.

She can feel his fingers tremble ever so slightly when he takes the zipper and tugs it upwards. He’s careful, brushing loose strands of her hair away with his other hand, and when he finishes, he clears his throat.

His voice is cracks a little under his breath, “There you are.”

Emma smiles. “Thanks.”

She pulls her hair into place and then goes to her vanity where she grabs the earrings she’d picked out a few hours ago. They’re swans, something she hopes August will find funny because of a childhood memory.

“I was thinking I’d head into town with you,” Killian suggests offhandedly. “I wanted to check in with Liam and Elsa.”

“Brunch with the newlyweds wasn’t enough for you?” she teases. “I thought you were sick of their heart eyes.”

Killian sucks in a breath. “Oh, believe me, I am.” He shakes his head and lifts his brows. “But Liam texted a short while ago and told me he needed to speak with me about something important, so I guess I’d better hear him out sooner rather than later.”

Emma hums as she finishes putting her earrings in. She brushes her hair over her shoulders. “Okay. Well, I’m not sure how long I’ll be.”

“That’s fine.” Killian assures her. “You can take as long as you need. I’m sure Liam and Elsa have already chosen a home and their future children’s names, so we’ll have plenty to discuss.”

She laughs under her breath as she settles her hands against her hips. Killian takes Henry into his arms again and tilts his head towards the door.

“You ready, then? I’m sure Mum will have a bit of a fuss when you tell her you’re off on a date tonight.”

Emma groans ever so slightly and gives Killian a look. “It’s why I’ve been hiding up here all day.”

She collects her phone from where she’d set it down and finds a message from August waiting for her.

“He’s almost there.” Emma looks up at her son and smiles slightly as she releases a heavy breath. “Okay. I’m not sure I’m ready, but… there’s no backing out now.”

When she catches Killian’s gaze, he manages to smile back at her thinly. He tilts his head upward, gesturing forward. “Off you get, love. You can’t keep hiding forever.”

There’s something so kind about the way he smiles that she can’t help but creep up onto her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. It’s scruffy with a beard, but she doesn’t mind it because his face turns red and she hides a smile to herself as she walks away.

Not for the first time, she’s left contemplating how comfortable they’ve become with each other in such a short amount of time. It’s by far the easiest friendship she’s ever had, and it’s not just because they get along. They share a lot in common, surprisingly enough.

As soon as she steps into the living room, her mother immediately stands up from where she had been sitting, eyes wide, and says, rather loudly, “Emma Ruth Nolan, are you going on a date tonight?”

Emma eyes her mother and then the other members of her family gathered in the room. They all stare at her wanting an answer, and then direct their attentions to Killian, who joins her on the first floor with her son in his arms.

“Yes,” Emma says. “I am going on a date tonight. And I’m driving Killian into town, so could one of you watch Henry?”

Her grandmother wears a knowing look on her face when Emma finds her from across the room. “Oh, I see.”

Charlie lets out an annoying catcall and an accompanying, “Ooh, get it!”

Rolling her eyes, Emma turns toward Killian. She presses her hand against her son’s belly and she kisses his cheek. “I love you. Be good.”

She steps away from Henry and watches Killian pass him off to her mother, who has her attention solely on her as she speaks, “You can’t just leave it at that! Where are you going? How long will you be out?”

“I don’t know how late I’ll be,” Emma says. “And we’re going to that new Italian place by the water. And no, before you ask, you can’t tag along. That’s weird.”

Her mother gives her a look. “I wasn’t going to ask to tag along.”

Charlie laughs. “You asked if you could come on my first date with Hannah, Mom. I don’t doubt you’d ask Emma the same.”

Her mother opens her mouth as she fumbles to defend herself while everyone else laughs.

“We’ll be back eventually.” Emma says as she heads to the door leading into the kitchen.

“I need a time,” her father speaks up. “What time?”

Emma sighs, turning to find him standing with his arms crossed in a display of pure fatherly worry. “Dad, I’m not sixteen.”

“No,” he agrees, “but it’s winter in Maine and you’re driving at night.”

She doesn’t miss the side glance he gives Killian, but she chooses to ignore it.

“Fine. By eleven. I’ll text you when I’m leaving.” She smiles softly. “You don’t need to worry. I learned from the best. You.”

He sighs heavily. “That’s what I’m afraid of. Be good.”

“Good night, guys. Don’t wait up for me.”

She waves and spins around to walk away from her all too curious family, instead focusing her attention on the thought of sitting across from August in a fancy restaurant.


	13. Chapter 13

thirteen

The drive into town is almost too quiet even with the warm air blasting, so she flicks on the radio in hopes that the tension will fizzle. It doesn’t. Instead, it seems a little worse.

She’s been thinking about what the date will be like all day, but as she drives into town, she finds herself afraid that everything she’s pictured in her mind’s eye will either come true or be proved dreadfully wrong.

Truthfully, she isn’t sure how she wants tonight to go.

“I can practically hear you thinking.” Killian says.

She glances at him briefly and laughs once. “Really? What am I thinking about?”

Her fingers grip the steering wheel a little bit tighter and she picks at the flesh of her lower lip with her teeth.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about tonight, love. I’m sure, if what you’ve told me is true, he’s an honorable man and he’ll still want to be friends even if it doesn’t work out.”

Emma arches an eyebrow as she turns to look at him again. “Oh, so you don’t think it will.”

“No, no,” he insists, suddenly defensive. He clears his throat and shifts in his seat. “No, I just meant-”

Emma can’t help the smile that curls easily on her lips as she faces forward. Killian stops himself.

“Ah. I see. You’re teasing me.” Killian says as she laughs. “Well, I’m just trying to help you in case it doesn’t work out, so you’re not disappointed.”

She glances over at him with a thankful smile. “Thanks.” Looking ahead again, she adds, “Honestly, I have no idea if I even want it to work out. He’s a great guy, but… I don’t know. Maybe that’s why we have to do this tonight. So we can stop wondering.”

He’s quiet again, so she is too. Her stomach has had nervous butterflies aflutter for hours, and with each mile she gets closer to town, it gets much worse.

“Where do you want me to drop you off?” Emma asks as the soft glow of Main Street’s lights infiltrate the cab of the truck.

“Ah… Elsa’s, I suppose. If you don’t mind.”

“No, it’s fine.” Emma says with a smile. She pulls onto the side of the street when they arrive at Elsa’s address and she sighs as she turns to Killian. “Well. See you after.”

He nods. “Aye.”

After he opens his door, Emma says, “Hey, if you need me for any reason, you have my number.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Killian replies. “Though I don’t foresee any reason to interrupt your date.”

The way he says it, with the slightest bit of dismay, makes her heart jump, but not as much as it does when he stands outside looking at her with his bright blue eyes, as if he has something to tell her.

“I’ll let you know when it’s done.” Emma says.

“You make it sound like a chore. Have fun, Emma. Be yourself. I’m sure that’s what he likes.”

His words hit her hard, for some reason. He honestly wants her to have a good date tonight, even if his expression might betray that sentiment.

When she doesn’t respond, he smiles softly and averts his gaze for a second. “I’ll be somewhere around town. Probably hiding from my family.”

Emma laughs once. “I thought you came to save Liam from making mistakes. Now you’re hiding from him.”

“I know.” Killian shakes his head. He wears a ghost of a smile on his lips and stares at her for a few seconds. “You should get going. I won’t keep you any longer.”

He closes the door and Emma finds she misses him while he walks away from the truck.

Even an awkward silence with him is better than being left alone to her thoughts, all of which culminate to the result of _thinking too much_.

“It’s going to be fine,” she tells herself under her breath. “It’s just dinner with a friend. Just be yourself. That’s what he likes.”

Dinner with a friend is definitely _not_ what this is. It’s a date. A date in an age of Soulmates. Soulmates, something Emma swore time and time again for a long time meant nothing to her, suddenly mean more to her than ever before.

Maybe it’s the season or the family being together. Maybe it’s Killian Jones sharing her room and sharing her sense of humor. Maybe she’s always just had too much of her mother’s hopefulness tucked away in the hidden parts of her heart.

Either way, she has a feeling the nerves she feels about tonight have less to do about going on a date with August and more about going on a date with someone who may or may not be her match.

///

Killian approaches the apartment with lead in his boots.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to be here. It’s just that he’d rather be somewhere else. Ideally, somewhere else with Emma, but tonight he’s not the lucky recipient of her time.

He’s jealous, yes, but he manages to keep his jealousy at bay because Emma doesn’t deserve it. He’s sure tonight will be amazing and wonderful and she’ll fall in love. And yet, here he is, his side all but aching as his chest squeezes tight at the thought of her finding love elsewhere.

He can’t claim her his if she doesn’t feel that all-consuming tug from the very core of her soul every time they stare into one another’s eyes too.

So, with a deep breath, he forces himself to stop thinking about Emma Nolan for just a little while. Instead, he’ll focus on his brother and what news that he and his new wife have to share with him.

He taps his knuckles against the wooden door and waits with his head down. He can hear music coming from inside, the bass throbbing just loud enough to give the listeners a rich sound while maintaining a sensible volume.

The door whisks open, revealing none other than Brennan Jones, standing there with a big grin on his face. He’s wearing an old vintage tee with washed out jeans, something that Killian thinks probably came from Liam’s suitcase, and his hair looks slightly greasy even though it’s been pulled back into a tight bun at the back of his head.

“Killian! Welcome!”

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.” Killian says, his stomach clenching tight.

He finds Liam in the apartment, standing just beyond their father with a cookie in his hand.

“Come inside, brother. We’ve plenty of Christmas cookies to share.”

With his heart sunk to his belly, he reluctantly steps forward when his father moves to the side to allow him entry. He keeps his boots and coat on, not intending on staying too long for fear of overstaying his welcome. He lifts his eyebrows at his brother, who extends a plate of cookies out toward him.

“Here. Elsa and I made them today. No nuts.”

He takes a cookie and manages a smile. “Thanks.”

It’s a good cookie, but it’s nothing in comparison to the cookies back at the farm. He thinks Ruth must have descended from the heavens just to provide the Earth with her cooking.

He glances at his father, who has conveniently settled himself down on the couch before the television and his laptop.

Elsa’s standing in the kitchen, her hair tied up above her head and a busy sweat on her brow.

“Hey, Killian.” She greets him as warmly as she can as she balances a tray in her hands fresh out of the oven.

“Hey. What’s all this?” Killian asks, wandering toward the kitchen to see what she’s doing more clearly.

“I’m baking and cooking and preparing all kinds of meals for Anna and Kristoff. They’re currently helping my aunt Ingrid get settled back in at home, so when they return… I want them to have plenty to eat.”

He frowns for a moment before he realizes what Elsa might be implying. “So where is my brother taking you for your honeymoon, Mrs. Jones?”

Elsa stops what she’s doing and looks up at him with a blush in her cheeks. She glances over at her new husband and back at him again. “Well… we’ve decided to take a trip to Greenland, actually.”

He hums. “Greenland. I’ve never been. Do you have family there or…”

“No,” Elsa shakes her head. She gives Liam another look, nervously running her fingers through stray pieces of hair. “Um…”

Liam settles the plate of cookies down on the counter and clears his throat. “Well, Killian, Elsa’s just heard that she’s been given a research grant to study in Greenland.” His brother’s expression warms proudly as he beams at Elsa. “So we’ll be moving there for six months while she completes her studies. And then we’ll be back in Storybrooke.”

Killian’s eyes widen. He finds his tongue tied for a second as he looks between the pair.

“That’s… very sudden. I didn’t even know you were a scientist, Elsa. I’m sorry-”

“No, it’s okay,” Elsa laughs. She shrugs. “I’m just really glad everything’s working out the way it is. We couldn’t have asked for better timing, with the wedding and Liam leaving the business.”

The suddenness of the biggest news of the day coming so casually off of her lips makes Killian’s eyes widen as his heart threatens to break through his rib cage. He pivots quickly to look at his brother with his jaw agape.

“Liam-”

His brother holds out his hand. “Come now, little brother, it isn’t as if we hadn’t both seen the writing on the wall.”

“Yes, but…” Killian stops himself and sighs. He looks over his shoulder at their father, sitting quietly in the living room. Then, he turns back to Liam again. “You’re leaving me. To work with him alone.”

“I’m not,” Liam shakes his head. “I’ve already discussed it with him and I’ve decided I’ll only be taking a bit of a leave while we get things sorted. I’ll probably open my own fish supply shop in town once we’re settled back in with a home. He’s told me he’ll take up my daily tasks until then.”

He’s still shocked, but he’s just as happy for his brother as he would be if it were him getting a break like this from the company. Liam goes to Elsa’s side and they both smile at one another, all but locking lips in front of him.

He averts his eyes and tries to comprehend just what Liam’s split from the business will mean for him, but he can’t.

He once believed that forcing himself to be busy would help keep the demons at bay, that he wouldn’t think so much about the things that make him ache.

But as he stands here, at the crossroads of a decision, he aches so deeply for happiness the likes of which he hasn’t experienced in several years.

Maybe the only way he’ll find it is if he returns to the status quo. After all, Emma’s finding love all on her own, and as much as he likes Storybrooke, there’s nothing else for him here but a chance for a fresh start- something he isn’t sure he’s ready for, no matter how little he cares for the work he does.

The thoughts make his head spin. Confused doesn’t quite cover the feeling he has aching in his chest.

He smiles at his brother and gestures to the door. “I need to get going.”

“Oh, you don’t need to,” Elsa insists, “I’m making dinner if you want to join us.”

“No, I shouldn’t impose.” Killian replies, already on his way to the door. “Have a good night.”

Before anyone can drag him back inside, he opens the door and shuts it quickly behind him.

He’s not fast enough, it seems, because Brennan Jones comes out behind him.

“I take it he’s told you,” Brennan says.

Killian nods. “Aye.”

“I’m headed to New York tomorrow to meet with investors,” he says, “hopefully to expand out this way. Perhaps open a new chain of shops.”

“We’ll talk about this later,” Killian says. “You won’t be changing anything without my permission.”

His father smiles. “Well, of course not. We’ll talk about it when you’re available next.”

On a guilty sigh, Killian looks away from him. This is his job. He inherited the company.

Just because he wants to play pretend that Emma Nolan likes him in return, he’s willing to sacrifice the company’s well-being? Between he and Liam, he’s the only one who has any say in the future of the company now. It’s time he step up and own that.

“I’ll join you.”

“Oh! Are you sure?”

Killian nods. “Aye. I’d best be there.”

“I’ll send a car for you first thing.” Brennan says on a nod. He offers Killian a small smile. “I’m proud of you, you know. You’re a good man.”

Killian’s heart jumps against his rib cage. “Thanks.”

His father stares at him for a second or two, thoughtful, before he turns away and leaves him alone in the stairwell.

He shuts his eyes for a second in an attempt to find calibration, and then he takes off for the frigid night air and a search for something to eat.

///

The restaurant August has her meet him at is the fanciest in town, so it’s a good thing she’s wearing a dress. She takes a mental note to thank Killian for his fashion advice later.

Her date stands outside in the cold, waiting for her with his hands in his coat pockets as he bounces on his heels. An easy smile spreads on his face and he releases a gentle puff of air along with a laugh.

“Hey, Stranger. I was starting to think you were standing me up.”

Emma smiles back kindly. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

August extends his arm for her to take and she does, because she figures there’s nothing else for her to do but encourage the night to take its course.

Her expectations, she discovers in the instant that they’re seated at a table lit by romantic candlelight, are far too high.

August pulls out her chair and helps her out of her coat, and then sits across from her. After thanking the host for seating them, he smiles at her, a bright thing that should probably make her heart swell with giddiness.

But instead, she just feels nervous, almost to an extreme.

She takes a deep breath, reminding herself that this is just dinner with a friend, and that August is by far one of the kindest people so he’ll understand if it doesn’t even go well.

_But what if it does go well?_

The thought brings even more butterflies to the already tossing swarm in her belly. She quickly grabs the menu from in front of her and holds it up in an attempt to keep her cool.

“Everything looks so good, I don’t know what I’ll choose.” August says in an attempt at making conversation.

Emma replies with a hum and a carefully calculated glance up at him. She doesn’t think she’s actually reading the menu, which is something she only realizes when the waiter comes to take their drink order and she has no idea what they serve.

“I’ll just have a water.” Emma says, setting her menu down on the table. She smiles at the waiter, who she thinks used to be in a band with a few of her mother’s guy friends.

She finds his face a calming presence- odd, considering what she’s doing.

August hesitates before he asks for a water as well, and for a little more time to look at the menu. When the waiter leaves, Emma reluctantly looks ahead of her for the first time at August.

He has a small understanding smile on his lips and he looks down briefly. “It’s too weird, isn’t it?”

Emma immediately shakes her head. “Oh, no. No. It’s not weird.”

August smiles a little more wearily. He sighs. “I knew I shouldn’t have been so blunt at the wedding.”

Emma’s shoulders fall and her stomach tosses nervously. “It’s not weird. I’m fine. This is a really nice restaurant. I think I’m just having a hard time choosing what I want to eat.”

She laughs and holds up the menu again, but it doesn’t work as a shield and it doesn’t work as a mask either.

He shakes his head. “No, you don’t need to do that. I know that look. You want to get out of here as fast as you can. It’s too weird and it’s my fault.”

Emma sets the menu down and sighs heavily. “No, it’s not your fault. I’m just…” She shakes her head and looks down at the white table cloth. “I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s because of what happened with Neal or if it’s because I spent the whole day freaking out about tonight… I have a lot on my mind.”

Cautiously, she meets his eyes again.

“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be when you’re on a first date with somebody you really like,” Emma says softly. “I’m sorry. I’m the worst for agreeing to this when I knew I wasn’t ready to start dating.”

August frowns empathetically. He reaches across the table for her hand and gives it a squeeze. “Hey. No, don’t be sorry.” He scans her face and a smile finds his lips. “You’re wearing the swans.”

Emma laughs weakly. “Yeah. I thought you’d get a kick out of them.”

He chuckles, but so quickly the moment fades. He strokes the back of her hand with his thumb and averts his eyes.

“I know you’ve been through a lot, with Henry’s dad, and I get that.” August says in a voice so quiet she almost can’t hear him. He meets her eyes. “So maybe we agree that we’ll do this again. When you know you’re ready.”

Her heart immediately lifts and she feels less nerves than before. She smiles slightly. “Yeah. Maybe.”

August removes his hand from hers and she looks down when she feels her phone go off from her coat pocket. She removes it quickly to discover a message from her mother- a picture of Henry in the tub with a sweet and happy look on his face and bubbles in his hair.

He’s all she needs. Her little North Star.

Looking back up, she hesitates before she says, “I think I should go home.”

Her date frowns, but he isn’t upset, just disappointed. “Alright.”

He stands when she starts to grab her coat, but she won’t let him help her with it. She smiles thankfully at him.

“I think you’re amazing, August.” Emma admits. He smiles slightly at her rare voice of honesty. She shrugs. “Maybe next time I won’t run away.”

August shakes his head. He manages a slightly hurt smile that makes her chest ache more than it should. “Maybe next time.”


	14. Chapter 14

fourteen

Killian’s sitting in the back corner of Storybrooke’s only Chinese restaurant when he gets a text from Emma that simply reads: _It didn’t work out._

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t immediately lifted from his overwhelmingly selfish stupor.

Quickly, he tells her where he is and she replies she’s on her way. He stops eating from the chow mien carton and instead watches the windows, attempting to see her before she sees him.

She comes to the front of the shop faster than he’d anticipated it would take her. Probably freezing cold, she keeps her head down and hurries to the door while holding an arm across her chest.

Killian rises to his feet and steps forward, hoping to catch her attention. She sees him instantly and he’s relieved to see her smile.

“Hey,” she says when she joins him at the table.

“Hey.” Frowning, he studies her. “You alright?”

Emma sighs. “Yeah. I’m okay. Just… hungry and in need of a hot shower.”

Killian looks back at the table and gestures to it. “Well, lucky for you, I seem to have ordered with my eyes and not my stomach.”

She laughs a little and he follows her lead to sit again. He watches carefully as she removes her coat and then he passes her a pair of chopsticks along with an unopened carton of fried rice.

“Do you want… broccoli beef or Kung pao chicken?”

Killian opens the pair of containers to show her what they look like and she narrows her eyes as she examines them thoughtfully.

Emma grabs the chicken with an adorably scrunched nose and says, “I don’t like broccoli.”

Killian laughs warmly. He watches her open up the containers wide and then she sighs, slouching her shoulders and tilting her head to the side as she stares at him.

He smiles softly. “What happened? Tell me.”

Emma’s ease with him makes him prideful, but only just. He isn’t sure what happened on her date, but seeing that it apparently didn’t work out and she still wants to sit and be friendly with him is a joy he hadn’t seen coming.

He’d thought for sure she would drift away from him tonight, and any chance he’d have at being with her was just gone.

“It wasn’t the worst date ever but I’m not sure I can even call it a date.” Emma laughs in spite of herself. “I was so nervous and not ready for this at all and he could tell. We just… both decided we should wait until I’m ready.”

Killian hums. He lifts his eyebrows skeptically. “Awful kind of him to wait.”

Emma digs into the rice and nods. “Right. As if I expect that he’ll just be patient while I figure out why I’m so uptight about falling in love.”

He stares at her thoughtfully. “Love isn’t meant to be hard. If it’s right, you know. At least, that’s what I’m told.”

Her eyes are bright and she seems the picture of elegance, even sitting under the crappy fluorescent glow of the Chinese restaurant. He stares at her for a few moments too long before he gives his attention to his food.

After a few seconds in silence, Emma breaks it somewhat timidly, “Do you think you’ll ever fall in love again?”

A slow smile spreads on his face simply hearing her voice and he looks up at Emma feeling the most honest wave crash over him.

”Aye.” After a moment, he clears his throat, “I think it’s certainly possible. Marks on skin don’t necessarily equate to love. How about you?”

She sighs deeply. “I don’t know. My last attempt at love ended badly and I don’t want it to happen again.”

Feeling slightly desperate, he says, “Not all people are like your ex.”

“I know.” Emma sighs. She has a bite of her meal and then shakes her head. “I feel stupid even putting so much thought into finding love. It’s not like everyone has it. It’s not like I need someone to be fulfilled.”

“No.”

He smiles a little as he scans her face.

“What?” Emma asks, smirking back at him.

“I don’t know,” he laughs, shaking his head. He averts his gaze and stares instead at his food. After a moment, he meets her eyes honestly, “You look beautiful. It’s really a shame it didn’t work out tonight for you.”

He sees her embarrassed flush. “Thank you.”

Meaningfully, her gaze softens and so does her smile.

“You know, this is a much nicer date than I had with August already.”

He finds himself at a loss for words, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth as butterflies anxiously dance around his belly. He swallows thickly and then his jaw falls open ever so slightly as he forces himself to laugh a little.

“Is it, now?” he teases as wryly as he can manage.

Emma wears a smile even as she looks down. “It is.”

Killian’s breath shakes when he exhales. He focuses on having a bite of his noodles, but he’s interrupted by Emma’s chopsticks bumping against his when she tries to steal some from the container.

He looks up at her, laughter on both of their lips as he playfully berates her, “What the hell are you doing?”

Emma’s laughter continues even as she gets a few noodles. “I wanted to try!”

“Oh, you thief!” he gapes at her, grinning.

Emma finishes the noodles with a satisfied grin and lifts her brows at him. “What are you gonna do, Jones?”

The banter makes his heart race. He mirrors her expression, pointed brows and faint smiles.

“I… may just have to kiss you.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “You couldn’t handle it.”

He should just tell her. Right now. He should tell her that he knows they have matching marks and that he wants to kiss her, for real, not teasing.

But he knows that if he does, he won’t be able to go back home.

_Is that really the worst thing?_

They both eat in a light silence for a minute and Killian starts to think about what had happened earlier at Elsa’s, about how he’s probably going to go back to the routine even if it isn’t what brings him joy.

He frowns. “Emma, I have something I should tell you.”

“Uh oh,” Emma teases. She has another bite of her chicken and lifts her eyebrows. “What’s up?”

He clenches his jaw and looks down at his chow mien again. “Liam’s decided to quit. I knew it was probably going to happen, but I don’t know what to do now anyway.”

Emma gives him a half smile and shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Killian looks up at her. All he wants is to be honest, but the cynic in him can’t if he’s about to leave town for a life of noise and business.

“I…” he pauses, shaking his head. A smile curls the edges of his lips and he admires the sparkle in Emma’s eyes. “I don’t know.”

She nods in understanding. “I get it. I’m not sure what I want to do most days either.”

She rests her arms on the table in front of her and leans closer.

“Dad used to tell us that life isn’t something you need to figure out. I don’t think I’ve really learned that yet, but… sometimes, I wake up and I just think, ‘I could just stay here.’”

Her eyes shine bright and her voice soft and without an edge. “Henry and me. We’re safe and warm and loved where we are. But I have to do more. I just know I do. I don’t know how or why…”

Somehow, it’s the most beautiful she’s ever been. Her cheeks are pink and she lifts her shoulders.

“I guess that’s what makes me a Nolan, huh? Helplessly hopeful and optimistic until the end.” Emma laughs at herself weakly. She runs her fingers down her arm.

His heart swells. “Aye. It’s charming.”

Emma hums a laugh. “That’s what Mom used to call Dad. She said he was her Prince Charming.”

Killian smiles softly. He wishes he knew what it was like to have parents like Emma does. Instead, he has to live with the fact that his father abandoned his mother, that she died without him at her side, no matter how much she loved him.

Perhaps it’s why he hesitates to let this be all that he wants it to be, for fear of becoming the man his father is and destroying anything they have.

///

Killian offers her his arm as they walk toward the car to go home. He’s warm and safe, and his voice in her ear brings her more peace than any other.

For the first few feet, they’re quiet, instead focused on the glow of Main Street at night.

“It’s pretty,” she says in an attempt to strike up a new conversation.

They’d shared plenty over dinner at the Chinese place, with far too many laughs and teasing to be considered friends. She’s glad she has him, though, whatever he is to her, because maybe for the first time in her life she feels all around happiness just being with him.

It’s easy to forget her troubles when he’s there, a listening ear extended and some crazy wisdom on his lips. To think, they never would have met if he hadn’t decided to save his brother from Elsa.

“Aye.” Killian agrees.

When she looks over at him he’s staring straight at her. Clearly, he’s talking about her. He’s been bold about how he thinks she looks tonight and she isn’t sure why.

If it weren’t for the fact that tonight was supposed to be her first date with August, she’d allow his flirtatious remarks to get him somewhere.

“What kind of art did you do?” Killian asks suddenly. Emma looks back up at him, confused as to where this is coming from. “It’s just… you said you were going to school to become an artist. I wondered what kind of art you wanted to do.”

“I painted.” Laughing, she adds, “I did a _lot_ of farm landscapes in high school.”

Killian hums a laugh. “Did you paint those pictures hanging in Elsa’s apartment? She has watercolors on the walls.”

With a growing smile, she nods. “I did, actually. And she insisted on buying them from me for way too much money.”

“She’s your friend,” Killian shrugs. “Friends do that kind of a thing.”

She looks down at her feet and smiles to herself. He’s sweet. He’s kind and smart and handsome. Maybe everyone has a point when they say he might be good with her.

He’s definitely good _for_ her. He brought her out of a miserable slump tonight with a simple smile.

“Do you still paint?” he wonders.

Emma sighs wistfully. “I wish I had time to. I have a lot to juggle right now.”

“Of course.”

She can see the car in the near distance, something that makes her a little disappointed, because their time together will have to end the second they get home.

When they reach the car, Killian hurries away from her just so he can open her car door. She laughs at him.

“Thanks.”

Killian nods once and she climbs into the car. He closes the door after her and hops in on the other side just in time for her to turn the key in the ignition.

Not knowing what to say, they drive in silence for a while.

Emma glances over at him and bites on her lip to try and think of something that might salvage the last few minutes they have together.

“I give it a nine out of ten,” she says, to his confusion.

“What?”

Emma shrugs. “The meal was a little cold and I had to use chopsticks. But the conversation was great and you even opened the car door for me. I’d definitely go out with you again.”

Her stomach flips at the bold statement. Killian laughs breathlessly and shakes his head.

“I’d give you a perfect ten. Very polite. Loads of fun.”

“Wow, a perfect ten.” Emma repeats, grinning at him. “That’s a good grade.”

Killian shrugs. “It was a good time.”

Silence sits heavy between them as she turns the car into a parking spot at the house. She sighs as she looks over at it, finding a light still on in the kitchen.

“I bet my dad’s still up,” she says. “He always stays up when I’m out late.”

Emma turns to look at Killian. Their expressions soften and she finds herself staring at his lips for a couple of beats of her rapidly fluttering heart.

It wasn’t a date, so why does it feel like it was?

She takes a deep breath, still staring at his lips, and then closes her eyes before removing her keys from the ignition and turning to face the house.

“We should get inside.”

Emma swallows the knot forming in her throat and pulls open the door. She waits for him to emerge from the car before she starts toward the house, and once they climb the steps and get to the welcome mat, he takes her by the hand and she turns toward him.

He searches her eyes for a few seconds before he looks down. Her stomach swoops nervously a few times and she finds herself moving in closer to him.

“Emma, I have to go to New York with my father.”

Abruptly, she leans back and stares at him with surprised eyes. “Oh.”

Killian sighs. Clearly, he doesn’t feel good about this. “With Liam quitting, I need to be there. It’s technically my company and…”

Emma manages to smile and nods. “Yeah.” She pulls her lips into her mouth and looks down, away from him. “If it’s what’s right, then you need to do that.”

“Emma…”

She smiles thinly at him. “Thank you for helping me feel better.”

Emma isn’t sure if she’s mad at him or if she’s mad at herself. She pulls open the screen door before she opens the kitchen door. On her own, she enters.

Killian waits outside for a few seconds longer before joining her.

Getting her hopes up had been her downfall once already tonight, so she can’t say she didn’t see it coming this time around either.

///

Emma wakes up naturally at an incredibly obscene hour and can’t fall back asleep.

There’s a dim light coming from under the bathroom door that she can see spilling out onto the floor. She can hear movement, as if Killian had recently stepped out of the shower.

Frowning, she checks her phone for the exact time. It _is_ obscenely early- almost five but not quite.

She sits up and looks over to find his bed all folded back up and his things sitting by the wall nearest the bathroom. Wilby seems to be keeping guard, sitting in the pathway of light with his attention pointed at her.

Decidedly, she wraps herself in a blanket and pulls herself out of bed. She goes across the room to stand in front of the bathroom, so he won’t miss her in his escape attempt.

In a few minutes, the light switches off and the door opens quietly. He stares at her, eyes widened in surprise, standing as still as a statue.

“What are you doing?” Emma whispers when he doesn’t say anything.

He sighs and shakes his head. “I didn’t want you to see me leave.”

Killian goes to his bag against the wall and tucks his bathroom bag inside. He smells almost too good, reminding her of their embrace on Christmas day.

Her chest aches with the weight of sadness, surprising her.

Just last night, they’d been sitting across from each other at the Chinese restaurant, having deep life conversations and laughing. It had been a weird night to start, but with his help she was able to forget the weird and feel comfortable instead.

The familiar tug in her belly begs for him to stay, that they might be able to do _more_ together.

“You were just going to go without saying goodbye?”

Killian settles his bag on his shoulder and breathes out while staring down at Wilby, who looks up at him directly.

“I just thought…” Killian manages to look up at her, “it might be easier.”

Emma gives him a look. “Seriously?”

“We’re leaving soon. I didn’t think waking you would make a positive difference.”

She stares at him, her heart racing. “You’re going to New York.”

“Aye.” With a weak smile, he looks back at her for a few moments that stretch as her heart leaps into her belly. “Emma, I-”

She shakes her head and closes her eyes with a tiny smile. “No, it’s okay. I understand.”

Emma moves closer to him, keeping her focus on the deep sadness she sees in his eyes and in the way his brow creases.

“Good luck.” Emma smiles at him. “It was… really nice having you here.”

“Aye,” he breathes.

They search each other’s eyes for what feels like an eternity and Emma feels that tug from deep within her soul somewhere again. She feels like she should say something more, but she knows saying something else might spoil the moment.

So, instead, she pushes up onto her toes and wraps her arms around him while his arms go around her easily. The blanket she had been wearing falls to the floor forgotten, in lieu of holding onto him tightly and breathing him in.

Her eyes squeeze closed and she feels herself reaching up behind his head to thread her fingers into his hair. He releases a very soft breath, almost a grieved sigh.

“I’m going to miss you, Emma,” he whispers with his lips against the side of her head.

Something rises up inside of her, an overwhelming sense of desperation, but she crushes it in an instant. He has a life of his own; this trip to Maine wasn’t ever supposed to turn out the way it has.

Besides, they’re friends and they had fun getting to know each other, nothing more.

Emma holds him closer just the same for a few seconds before she releases him with a proud smile and searches his eyes.

“Let me know if you’re ever in the area again.”

He nods quickly. “Of course. You let me know if you ever want to come to England. I’ve heard I make an excellent tour guide.”

Emma laughs. He mirrors her. “Okay.”

As if they don’t want their time together to end, they just stare at each other for another five seconds while the inevitable separation all but beats down the door.

“There’s not a day that will go by that I won’t think of you,” he suddenly says in the most honest murmur.

Emma’s heart leaps. She feels tears in her eyes. “Good.”

His responding smile makes her heart continue to pound. After another few seconds, he tosses his head to the side briefly. “I should get going. Brennan sent a car to pick me up first.”

“Yeah.” Emma smiles. She rubs her arm and watches him kneel down to kiss Wilby’s head.

“I’ll miss you more, mate. Take good care of Emma and Henry for me.”

She isn’t sure what it is about the moment he’s sharing with her father’s dog that makes it all the worse, but suddenly tears burn behind her eyes and she wants to tell him to stop, because he should say goodbye to everyone, and Henry won’t even have a chance to string together a sentence for him.

When Killian gathers himself together he waves his hand at her and sucks in a breath as his eyebrows lift on his forehead. “Until we meet again, Nolan.”

“Yeah.”

Watching him go is a lot harder than she’d thought it would be.


	15. Chapter 15

fifteen

The span of time between Christmas and New Year’s is funny.

She doesn’t have work or class, and everyone’s still hanging around the house playing video games and watching television as if they have nothing better to do between bouts of eating Christmas leftovers.

It’s even weirder after Killian leaves.

They’d had a day or two of the funny in-between, where they sat on the couch and teased Charlie for being terrible at a game he just got, and went outside for walks with Wilby and Henry to the barn just to check in on the animals.

Now she sits on the couch with an empty cushion beside her and she walks out to the barn just to feel the cold in her chest.

She knows she shouldn’t have assumed he’d stay just because that’s what his original plans were, but knowing he left to do something with his father, a man she knows he doesn’t like spending time with, it tastes sour.

And yes, maybe she wrongly thought that the time they spent together added up to something, especially since she’d only just started seeing that it may have.

Clearly, it didn’t, if it wasn’t enough for him to stick around.

Emma runs her fingers along the nose of her favorite horse and smiles softly at her. “Hey, Snowflake. How you holding up?”

She takes her hand back and sighs heavily.

It feels like an eternity ago that she’d been in here with Killian, laughing at the way he nervously extended his hand with an apple for Snowflake to try, but it had only just happened a day ago.

Emma trudges back up to the house and almost slips on a slick spot, something that startles her enough that she tenses up the rest of the way.

When she opens the door, she finds her mom standing in the kitchen with Henry sitting on her hip. “Oh, there’s Mama, Henry.”

Emma looks over at her grandmother with a worried knit in her brow. “He okay?”

“He took a bit of a stumble and hit his head,” she admits sadly, pressing a kiss to Henry’s temple.

Her son has his fingers in his mouth and his eyes are still watery, something that makes Emma’s heart squeeze tight.

“Oh, no,” Emma frowns.

“We’re alright now, aren’t we, Henry?”

As if deliberate, Henry fusses and cries for her, an arm extended in her direction. “Mama.”

Emma removes her winter gear and then crosses the room with her boots still on to take her son, who practically jumps into her arms as soon as she’s close enough. He wraps himself close to her and leaves his head against her shoulder.

“Hey, shh,” Emma whispers, cradling the back of his head. “It’s alright, Henry. You’re okay.”

Emma rubs his back and kisses his head a few times before he perks back up again. He bumps his forehead into hers and she laughs.

“Hi, bug.” Emma presses her fingers against his belly to make him giggle and he does, much to her delight. She turns to her mom. “I actually have to go into town and meet Elsa. I just wanted to come make sure someone knew I wasn’t running away or something. I’ll take Henry.”

Her mom chuckles. “Alright. I’ll spread the word.” She stares at Emma in a way she knows will probably lead into some insightful wisdom. “How are you doing?”

She takes a breath and shakes her head as a smile finds her lips. “Fine.”

Her mom hums. “How’s your heart?”

Emma averts her eyes. She doesn’t know how to answer _that_ question. “Um… I don’t…” Her lips twist and she feels a throbbing ache suddenly in her chest. “My date was awful, if that’s-”

“No,” her mother says gently, “he’s gone. You’d gotten close while he was here.”

A lump forms in her throat and she hesitates for a second before she shakes her head. “It’s okay. I mean, he wasn’t ever going to stay forever or anything. He has important work to do.”

“I used to tell myself that.” she replies. “When your father would go away, I came up with every excuse in the book as to why I shouldn’t be upset. But I still wished I could have had just one more minute. Just one more hour. Just one more day. With him.”

Her heart skips a beat while it aches and she finds herself nodding slightly in agreement.

“Yeah,” she whispers, “but you were together when he went away. That’s natural.”

She shakes her head. “Not at first. It took a few weeks for him to get up the courage to ask me on a date.” Her belly swoops. “I know you don’t believe in it, but Emma, I saw it every time you were together, and I see it now that you’re apart. He did something. Changed something in you.”

“Mom…”

“I’m just saying that I saw something light up in you the day he came into our lives,” she says. “You wished that love would come naturally. I think it has.”

As easy as it would be to just agree with her mother, her own stubbornness gets in the way.

“Killian left just like Neal did.” Emma says quietly. “He’s not coming back.”

Her mother frowns. “Sweetie, he’s nothing like Neal, and I think you know that.”

Emma laughs spitefully. “No. I don’t.”

///

Granny’s Diner is all but empty when Emma enters.

Ruby’s standing at the bar, looking bored as can be while she flips through the pages of a book, meanwhile, Elsa sits at her favorite booth all alone, just like old times.

Emma sucks in a deep breath and smiles as she approaches with Henry on her hip. He claps when he sees Elsa waiting for them.

“Say ‘hi Elsa!’,” Emma cheers Henry on.

“Hi ‘sa,” Henry mimics.

Elsa laughs happily. “Hi, Henry!”

Emma settles Henry down in the booth and then sits beside him. Quickly, she removes his coat and then hers and grabs his favorite truck from his diaper bag to keep him occupied for a little while.

“Emma, I’m so glad you could make it.” Elsa says, a bright smile on her face. “How are you?”

She sighs and lifts her eyebrows while she settles in finally. “I’m good. How are you?”

“I’m great,” Elsa says honestly. She stares down at Henry and chuckles. “Is that your truck?”

Henry has his truck extended out toward Elsa, as if he wants to give it to her. Emma smiles softly.

He pulls his truck back and then runs it along the edge of the table.

“Here ya go, Ems.” Ruby says, settling a highchair down at the head of the table.

Emma looks at her friend and smiles. “Thanks, Ruby. Can I have a hot chocolate? Extra cinnamon?”

Ruby bobs her head. “Coming right up.”

Emma hoists Henry up and puts him in the chair, something he reacts to with ease, thankfully. He pats his hands against the table now that his truck has been discarded, so Emma hands it back to him and brushes his hair out of his face.

“So, what’s going on?” Emma asks her friend. “You sounded kind of excited in your message.”

Elsa’s smile spreads and she nods. “Yeah.” She pauses thoughtfully and twists her new wedding ring on her finger. “So, I got the grant. I’m going to Greenland.”

Emma’s eyes widen. “What? That’s amazing! You worked so hard for that.”

Elsa nods. “I know. It’s amazing timing, too, with the wedding and everything.”

Emma narrows her eyes slightly. “When are you leaving?”

Her friend winces a little and frowns, “Liam and I are leaving after New Years.”

Emma’s excitement quickly fades. Why does it feel like everyone’s moving on and moving up while she’s stuck?

Elsa immediately reaches for her hand and smiles warmly. “I know it’s sudden-”

“No!” Emma shakes her head. “No, it’s totally fine.” She manages to smile. “I’m just surprised. I thought it was going to start in the summer if you got it.”

“It was, but they loved my proposal and wanted me to get started right away.” Elsa says. “Don’t worry, I’ll write and we’ll have Skype calls and it’ll be so annoying you’ll wish I had just left and forgotten you. And it’s just six months.”

Emma smiles at her, feeling truly happy for her. “I’m really happy for you, Elsa.”

“Thank you.” Elsa smiles in turn. “We’ll still be having a New Years Eve party, which you are _definitely_ coming to, but after that, we’ll be off to a new adventure.”

Ruby returns to the table with Emma’s mug and a plate of cookies. “Granny says you deserve them.”

Emma glances past Ruby to the woman standing by the kitchen door. “Tell her thank you.”

“Sure thing.”

When Ruby leaves, Emma looks at Elsa. “Sometimes I forget my mom talks to other people.”

Elsa gives her a confused look. “What happened?”

Emma leans her head to the side slightly and sighs. “Killian left and she seems to think I really miss him.”

“Do you?”

Emma stares at Elsa, the bluntness of her question echoing in her mind as she considers it.

“Well, yeah,” she responds, “but… I get it. He has responsibilities with Liam leaving the company and he chose to step up.”

Her heart still feels heavy, perhaps becoming worse with every excuse she gives for him being gone.

“Anyway, it’s not like we were in love,” Emma says sardonically. “We were friends.”

Elsa smiles to herself and looks at Henry for a second. “Emma, _we’re_ friends. You and Killian are…” She considers it for another second before looking at her directly. “You’re kindred.”

Emma stares blankly at her friend. “What are you talking about?”

She lifts her shoulders and holds out her hands. “You know… you’re _kindred spirits_. You’re similar in more ways than one. You have a special bond. More than we’ll ever have, even though we’re close.”

Emma gives Elsa a look that only encourages her to continue, “I’m not going to say you’re soulmates because I know you think it’s garbage, but you guys have _something_. It’s special. It’s unique.”

She stares down at her drink and ponders what Elsa has to say quietly, without arguing with her because she knows it’s pointless.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe the pull that comes from deep inside is because of the connection they have.

///

Emma spends the night in her bedroom with Henry and Wilby.

She finds herself staring at Killian’s former dwelling area, as if he’ll magically return, and when she goes into the bathroom to give Henry a bath, she discovers a travel shampoo of his in the trash bin and it makes her stop for just a few seconds before she continues what she was doing.

Henry cuddles with her while she reads him to sleep and Wilby curls up at her feet, just like old times. It’s quieter without Killian, somehow, and emptier too.

Her son falls asleep toward the end of the book and Emma kisses his head before she settles him into his crib for the night.

She sits on her bed after watching him sleep for a minute or two, finding peace in the little breaths from his lips and the way his fingers curl inward.

Again, she stares ahead of herself at the place he used to be. She remembers the night he’d had a nightmare, how she went to comfort him, with her fingers in his hair and her heart so full.

She misses him a lot more than she should. A lot more than friends miss friends.

The sound of footfall makes her turn her attention to the doorway. Charlie enters her room with a tiny smile and sits down beside her on her bed.

He smells warm and his company is safe, so she leans her head against his shoulder and they rest quietly while he rubs the small of her back gently.

“You okay?” he asks in a soft voice after a minute or two.

Emma feels her breath catch in her throat. She leans away from him and finds his eyes. “Not really.”

Charlie smiles sadly for a second, letting it fade into worry.

“I miss him a lot more than I should,” she admits.

He nods in understanding. He presses his hand against her cheek when a tear finds its way down her cheek. He wipes it with his thumb and then removes his hand altogether.

Emma swallows at the lump in her throat. “Do you think it’s possible for someone to have two soulmates?”

Her brother seems confused by what she’s talking about, but doesn’t question her. He contemplates it and shakes his head. “I don’t know. I guess anything’s possible.”

She nods. “Yeah.”

He searches her eyes. “You know what Mom always says,” he smiles a little, “true love isn’t easy. You have to fight for it. If it’s right, it’s right. It might just take a little work to make it.”

Emma takes his hand and squeezes it. “Thanks, Charlie.”

He nods. “You want to come down and watch TV for a bit?”

“No, I think I just want to sleep.”

“Okay,” he whispers. He cups the back of her head and leans in to kiss her forehead. Afterwards, he smiles. “Love you, sis.”

“I love you too, Charlie.”

She watches him go, after rubbing Wilby’s belly and getting a kiss from the lazy dog.

Emma gets dressed for bed and brushes her teeth thinking about the whole ideal she’d made of soulmates without wanting to. Soulmates don’t matter anymore. All that matters is following her heart.

Her heart aches for Killian, and there’s only one thing she can do about that.

After climbing back onto her bed, she grabs her phone and pulls up her messaging app.

Emma: _Hey._

In no time at all, she has a reply.

Killian: _Hey. Was just thinking about you._

Her heart skips a giddy beat and she smiles without thinking about it.

Emma: _:)  How’s NY?_

Killian: _The worst. So much business._

Emma laughs under her breath and considers a response as she tucks into her bed. She stares at her phone, the only light left aglow in her room.

Emma: _Henry misses you._

Killian: _Just Henry?_

She twists her lips and closes her eyes for a second, imagining his smug smirk and his stupid eyebrows dancing on his forehead.

Emma: _Weirdly, yes. Everyone keeps telling me how glad they are that you’re gone._

Killian: _I miss you too, Emma._

Emma smiles. She feels her phone vibrate again.

Killian: _What are you doing right now?_

Emma: _Going to bed. You?_

Killian: _The same._

Emma: _Night, Killian._

Killian: _Goodnight, Emma._


	16. Chapter 16

sixteen

Elsa informs Emma via text message on December 31st that she is expected to wear a dress to the New Year’s Eve party that’s being held at the Jones apartment tonight.

Hannah comes upstairs to help her pick out what she should wear, and they ultimately pick out the pink dress she’d been saving for a special occasion.

“What do you think, Hannah? Is it weird?” Emma asks, looking at herself in the mirror at her vanity.

Hannah shakes her head. “Definitely not. I think it’s cute. Come on, sit down. I can put your hair up.”

Emma smiles a little and has a seat at the vanity. Hannah gets to work gathering up her hair and threading her fingers through it.

Meanwhile, Emma stares at the white envelope she’d set down on the tabletop. Her heart skips a beat knowing that just beneath the layer of envelope, her soulmates name is hidden.

She hasn’t opened it yet; she’d ordered it a while ago thinking she was ready but she currently isn’t in the best head space for knowing who her soulmate is. Maybe in a few weeks, after the Killian situation blows over and she’s able to find a way to move past the may-have-been of their relationship.

“So how is it living with the Monopoly King himself?” Emma asks Hannah teasingly.

Hannah sighs, rolling her eyes. “I can’t believe he keeps talking about that as if it just happened. It was like a week ago.”

Emma laughs. “If I had any doubts about you being together, I think they’re gone now.”

Hannah grins. “Thanks.”

She’s always liked Hannah, even before Charlie knew they were matched, and getting to spend time with her is always nice. Tonight, the three of them are going to the party together, so after Emma’s hair is tied up, she offers to do Hannah’s hair.

“Sure,” Hannah smiles. “Isn’t it weird that we’re getting dressed up just so we can stay up until midnight?”

Emma hums. “I’ve never really understood it.”

After they’re ready to go, Emma carries Henry downstairs, to the waiting group in the living room, who all immediately voice their approval to her dress.

“You look so pretty!” her mother exclaims.

Emma blushes and closes her eyes. “Thanks, Mom. Can you watch him tonight?”

“Of course,” she says warmly. Emma hands her son to her mother after she kisses his cheek.

“Be good, Henry.”

“Okay,” Charlie says, clapping his hands together. “Ladies, are we ready?”

Emma and Hannah both laugh and nod. “Yes.”

Charlie volunteers to drive, which allows Emma to stare out the backseat window instead of worry about ice on the road for once. She nervously runs her fingers down the patterns in her dress and holds her peacoat closer to her chest.

Tonight should be fun, but even though she loves Elsa and Liam, she isn’t sure she wants to spend the entire night with them. They’re about to leave and this is one of her last chances at seeing them, sure, but staying home with Henry is always far more appealing. She’s never been the party type.

When they arrive at the apartment door, all she can hear is the music coming from within, and once the door is opened, all she can see are the clusters of people standing around in groups.

Yes, this is why she’s never been the party type.

“Emma, I’m so glad you could make it.” Elsa says happily into her ear as they hug.

“Yeah, of course.”

Emma pulls off her coat at Elsa’s request and then wades into the crowded room, finding familiar faces at every turn, but to her disappointment, Killian didn’t make it. It isn’t like he’d promised her he’d be here, but she thought that since it’s New Year’s Eve and Liam’s his brother, maybe he’d make an effort.

“Emma!” Ruby calls her name from across the room. She waves her over to where she’s standing with Aurora and Belle, both of them smiling at her.

“Hey, guys.” Emma smiles in turn.

“Where’s your side piece?” Ruby wonders.

Emma gives her a confused look. “What?”

“You know… that cutie you were hanging out with last week.”

Emma’s eyes widen. “Killian?”

Aurora bobs her head. “That’s his name. I knew it.”

“You guys gonna kiss at midnight?” Ruby asks.

Emma stares at them for a few seconds. “Um… no. I don’t think he’s coming to this party.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Belle frowns.

“Well, you can be part of our Singles Club tonight.” Aurora chirps up. “None of us have anyone to kiss at midnight. Belle’s husband is sick at home and Phillip’s return flight from his trip to visit home got delayed.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Aurora sighs. “But at least this year, Ruby doesn’t have to be alone.”

“Hey! I chose the single life. Where’s August? He did too.” Ruby says casually as she looks around the room as if in search of the man.

Emma’s eyes widen slightly and she shakes her head. “No, I’m okay. I’m just here for a few hours as a favor to Elsa.”

“I see.” Belle says. She nods. “I was thinking about leaving early, too. I’m not really one for parties like this.”

“Right?” Emma asks, just as she hears her name from behind.

A sick feeling rises up inside faster than she can run. She pulls on a fake smile and turns to look at the man.

“Hey, August.”

He smiles back at her. “It’s good to see you.”

Emma glances behind him, finding Elsa, and nods. “Yeah, nice to see you too. I was just- Elsa-”

She hurries away from the group and goes to Elsa instead. Her friend smiles at her.

“Hey!”

“Hey. You didn’t say August was going to be here.”

Elsa frowns. “Why do you-”

“I went on a date with him a few nights ago and it went awful.” Emma cuts her off. “Remember? I feel like I must have texted you.”

Elsa shakes her head. “No, you didn’t.”

Probably because she was too busy making eyes at Killian over Chinese food. Sighing, Emma closes her eyes.

“Sorry. I’m…”

“No, no,” Elsa settles her hands on Emma’s arms. “Hey, let’s get you something to eat and drink. We can stay far away from him and talk about Greenland.”

Emma nods. “That sounds good.”

///

Five minutes into her conversation with Elsa about Greenland, the hostess is carried off to respond to a more pressing issue, abandoning Emma in the kitchen with a plate of snacks and a glass of wine.

Sighing, Emma decides to find a quieter, less approachable location to spend the next few hours. She ends up in the bathroom, sitting on the floor with her phone streaming episodes of The Office on Netflix while snacking and pretending she’s at home.

Eventually, someone knocks on the door, forcing her to leave. She wanders into Elsa’s bedroom after peeking down the hall and seeing that everyone at the party seem to be partaking in a party game that she wants nothing to do with.

Elsa’s bedroom has a nice window that faces a small park behind the apartment building, something she takes solace in for a few minutes before she ultimately decides to sit in the chair at a desk.

The computer belongs to Elsa, so she knows her friend won’t mind her using it to charge her dying battery while she contemplates leaving through the fire escape.

It’s just weird enough as it is, being single on New Years, surrounded by people who all have someone to love. She should have just stayed home and come to help Elsa and Liam pack up when the time came for them to leave.

She flips on the television and lowers the volume. Quickly, she finds a movie to waste time watching.

///

By the time midnight rolls around, Emma has gone successfully the whole night without seeing anyone at all.

She slips out of Elsa’s bedroom and back into the party. Everyone’s gathered in front of the television to watch the ball drop in two minutes.

“Emma.”

The sound of her name makes her stop dead in her tracks. Her stomach flips and her heart pounds violently against her ribcage. Turning, she discovers Killian standing just to her right. He smiles and moves toward her.

For what feels like an eternity, they stare at each other. It feels like it’s been years since she’s seen him even though it’s only been a few days.

She starts cataloging every line and crease of his face as if she won’t see it again, and her lips part with words she can’t get out just yet.

He moves closer to her, his expression changing with each passing beat of her heart.

“Ten!”

Emma slowly slides her hands against his extended palms. “Hi.”

“Nine!”

He smiles and takes her hands, squeezing them tight. “Hi.”

“Eight!”

“I didn’t think you were going to be here.” They both say loud enough to be heard.

“Seven!”

They laugh.

“Six!”

Killian takes one of his hands and presses it against her cheek. Her eyes flutter closed and she rests against the warmth of his palm.

“Five!”

“I missed you.” he tells her. Her heart starts pounding so loudly she thinks he probably can hear it.

“Four!”

“It’s only been a few days,” she replies.

“Three!”

Killian looks down briefly. “The longest days of my life.”

“Two!”

Emma searches his eyes. “Me too.”

“One!”

On an instinct that comes straight from the pull deep within, Emma pushes up onto her toes and settles her hand on his arm as she presses her nose against his.

“Happy New Year!”

She can’t hear anything else- only the beat of her heart rushing in her ears. His arms hold her closer to him, so there’s little space separating them while they breathe each other in.

After an instant of anticipation, he captures her lips and kisses her slowly. Every perfect beat of her heart that follows, their lips brush with the utmost tenderness, as if afraid to ruin the moment but still desperate enough to keep it going forever.

Emma breaks the kiss, dropping her heels to the floor while she meets his wide dark eyes.

Her heart soars with joy, and for a moment, she’s happy.

He’s here, he’s here, he’s here. And this is so, so right.

But then she can hear the rest of the room again and her head starts to spin with doubt.

_Can they even be together?_

Yes, she wants to be with him, but he’s not going to stick around. He has priorities in another country.

Fear gets the best of her, so she turns and moves as fast as she can away from Killian. It takes him a few seconds to call out her name, seemingly still catching up after the impact of their kiss.

Emma forgoes her coat and instead rushes out of the apartment without it. She crosses her arms against her chest, already feeling the impact of it as she rushes down the stairwell.

She makes it to the door leading outside before she hears Killian’s voice and feet on the steps.

“Emma, please, wait.”

Despite her better judgement, she hurries outside into the cold and searches the street for the truck. She doesn’t have the keys on her, something that she only realizes once she’s standing shivering in front of the vehicle.

“Emma.” Killian’s voice is much closer this time. She turns, finding him breathless as he comes to a stop beside her. He extends her coat out to her. “You’ll catch your death out here in the cold like that.”

Emma takes the coat from him and slips her arms into it easily.

“You look beautiful.”

She sighs heavily, her breath a cloud in between them. “Killian-”

“Emma, I came back because of you,” he says. “I wanted to see you again. Just once before I go back to England.”

Her heart sinks. She shakes her head. “Yeah, right.”

He searches her eyes. “Emma-”

“Can you take me home?” she asks, sniffling because of the cold. “I need to go home. I didn’t drive. Charlie did.”

Wearily, he nods. “Aye. Of course. This way.”

Together, they walk to his rental car in silence. He opens her door for her and she slides inside, her heart still beating wildly. She’s disappointed in herself for many reasons, but kissing him isn’t on that list.

It had been an amazing kiss. One that proved Elsa was right; they’re something special.

Killian starts the drive toward the farm and Emma tries her best to get warm with the car still not quite warmed up.

They pull up the driveway to the farm and Emma closes her eyes, thinking about the kiss again. She can’t just let this moment go, but at the same time, maybe it’s already over.

Killian pulls the car into park and turns to look at her with sad eyes. “Emma, I’m sorry.”

She smiles weakly. “It’s okay. You have responsibilities.”

Even though she’s thinking it, she doesn’t dare compare him to Neal. Her mom’s right- he isn’t Neal.

“I can’t abandon him right now. The company might go under if he loses me too.”

Emma nods. “Yeah. I get it.” She stares at him. “Then I guess it was one good kiss. Nothing more.”

Killian’s creased brow furrows tight and he looks away from her, instead at the center console.

_It should be more than this_.

“Come inside?” she whispers. “For just one more night?”

He looks up at her silently and nods once.

///

Her fingers slide neatly against his and her eyes shine even in the soft glow of the morning light sliding in from beneath the window.

He doesn’t think either of them slept at all, instead lying together on her bed, face-to-face while they grapple for just one last night, one last hour, one last minute together.

It had felt like they had all the time in the world when they first came upstairs. She’d been content with listening to him describe his trip to New York, laughing when he told her about getting lost more than once.

And as time carried on, they fell quieter, taking solace in just being together.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks softly.

Killian’s fingers fold down against the spots between her knuckles and he pushes his forehead to hers.

“How it felt to kiss you.”

His nose presses against hers and his eyes fall closed. She releases his hands to wrap her arms around his neck while his palm settles against her side. He could kiss her, but they’ve already agreed they won’t kiss more than the once for sake of ruining the perfect kiss and the perfect moment.

“We can’t,” she breathes.

“Aye,” Killian agrees, but he doesn’t move.

It’s easy to get comfortable like this, pretending that they’re not about to separate for good once he gets out of bed.

It’s his fault. This whole thing is his fault because he’s too long suffering where it comes to his father. He likes to think he has a grand plan, that this will be the last painful night they’ll ever have, and when he comes back, everything will be alright.

He can’t even assure himself that he’ll come back. He’s not sure he can make things right with his father and the business. It’s the only thing keeping him from diving in and staying with Emma.

“Elsa thinks we’re kindred spirits.” Emma whispers.

He hums curiously. “Why?”

She shakes her head. “We have something special. We have something unique.”

“I’ve felt it.” Killian admits.

She nods. “Me too.”

It’s harder every time they open their mouths to speak, but part of him hopes that it might be enough to convince them each that they should drop everything and be together.

It absolutely breaks him being here. She doesn’t deserve to have a soulmate like him, too afraid to leave his own father’s business for her. She deserves a love more honest and kind.

Emma sighs. “Killian, I need to tell you something.”

“What?”

He finds her eyes. She seems a little nervous.

“I got my match in the mail yesterday.” Emma says.

His heart skips a frantic beat and his stomach churns violently. “Did you look at it?”

She shakes her head. “No. I didn’t want to be disappointed.”

And yet, if she knew, she’d be even more disappointed than she imagines she’d be.

“Can you stay?” she pleads again. “Just for a week? We can figure it out.”

His nose brushes against hers and he brushes his lips just faintly against hers, a ghost of a kiss that isn’t quite one.

He leans back ever so slightly, their foreheads still touching, and takes her hands instead. He holds them between their bodies, caressing her knuckles as he meets her eyes.

“I can’t,” his voice breaks just slightly. “I can’t stay, Emma. He’s my father, regardless of what he did, and I owe the company more than a swift abandonment.”

Emma’s expression tightens almost angrily. She releases his hands and turns around for the first time all night, facing the wall away from him. “Then I guess it was just one good kiss. That’s all we’ll ever be.”

As much as it hurts, he knows it’s all they can be.

He listens to her breathe for several minutes, until his phone vibrates from within his pocket. He slides it out into his palm, discovering a message reminding him of his flight time.

Killian stares at the back of Emma’s head and shuts his eyes. “I wanted it to be more. Please believe me.”

She’s asleep, so she doesn’t respond. He pulls himself out of bed and goes to the crib. He leans over it and finds Henry sleeping peacefully, his arms sprawled outward.

Already, his chest aches. He’ll miss Henry just as much as he’ll miss Emma.

He hadn’t brought anything with him up to Emma’s room, something that makes him feel as if he’s forgetting _everything_ as he steps away from Emma and her son.

_Don’t leave_ , his heart pleads. But in his mind he hears his father’s voice.

Killian curls a fist by his side and clamps his eyes shut. He can’t rightfully stay with the weight of unsolved business on his back.

If only he could make her a promise that he’ll return to her in no time at all.


	17. Chapter 17

seventeen

On Emma’s Soulmate Match Certification letter, there is a photograph of her skin, the pattern of her mark laid out as some sort of personal reminder that this is what the system had to match her to.

Following a brief scientific explanation for the markings, there’s a series of lines that read:

**Match Name:** Killian Jones

**Age:** 24

**Location:** England, United Kingdom

**Contact:** Available Upon Request - we will contact on your behalf

He reads the paper while he’s sitting on a flight back home, tears burning behind his eyes as he grits his teeth at his own stupidity. He _knew_ , but he refused to tell her, and he’s soiled it even more by taking this from her.

It only prolongs his secret a little longer. It isn’t as if she’ll discover it missing and after a brief search decide it’s alright that she doesn’t have it anymore. She’ll search for it, and if it never turns up, she’ll order another copy.

Eventually, he’ll have to own up to this secret of his, and when he does, he hopes she won’t hate him for it.

Seeing his name on her paper makes his heart all but burst, even if he’s currently scum of the Earth where it comes to his relationship with Emma. He was _right_ , she _is_ his second chance.

“Killian?” his father asks, prompting him to look up from his lap.

“Hm?”

“We need to discuss what we’ll do about your schedule coming up this week. With Liam gone, you’ll have to cover for him until we can find a replacement.”

Killian bobs his head. “Aye. I was thinking I’d just alternate shops every day and end them at the pub.”

His father nods in agreement. “Alright. That sounds good.”

He manages a smile at Brennan and folds up the letter in his hands.

“What’ve you got there?”

“Ah…” he feels his face warming up as he shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

Brennan hums. “So, that was a quaint town, wasn’t it?”

“Aye. Quite liked it, actually.”

“Me too.” His father smiles softly. “We’ve never… talked about your soulmate match, have we? I realized as we were at the wedding.”

There’s a lot to unpack from the statement, but Killian chooses not to. Instead he nods.

“I met her when I was seventeen. She died in an accident not long after.”

Brennan immediately frowns. “Oh, that’s awful, Killian. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

He manages to smile. “It’s alright. How could you know?” Killian fidgets with the letter between his hands. “I… met someone while I was in Storybrooke. She made me think, perhaps, there’s a chance at-”

Before he finishes speaking, his father’s phone rings, prompting him to hold up a finger. “Hold on a second, yeah? I promise I want to hear about this.”

“Of course. Take it.” He nods and watches Brennan take the call.

Killian sighs and leans back in his seat. Looking up at the ceiling, he swallows thickly.

He’s ruined his chances so horribly, hasn’t he?

///

Emma wakes up early to feed the animals and meets her father in the kitchen. He’s making pancakes, of all things, and has a happy smile on his face.

“Morning, sweetheart. I’m making pancakes.”

Emma laughs. “I noticed.”

He points the spatula in the direction of the counter top. “Take a seat. We can get to the animals in a few minutes.”

She does as she’s told, plopping down at the kitchen island bar where her hot coffee is waiting for her just the way she likes it.

“So what’s going on? Which animal are we selling today?”

Her father laughs, turning to look at her. “Why would you say that?”

“Pancakes for breakfast means we’re selling a horse or a cow,” Emma says with a pointed look. “That much I learned growing up doing barnyard chores, Daddy.”

“No, we’re not selling anybody.” He assures her. “I just thought you might like a nice breakfast to get your day started right.”

Emma hums skeptically. “You’re weird. But I’ll accept your pancakes.”

He settles a plate in front of her and kisses her forehead. “Dig in, kiddo. There’s plenty more if you’re extra hungry.”

She has a bite and thoughtfully chews. “I was thinking about Nana’s big trip around the world coming up in the spring.”

“Oh yeah? You want to tag along?”

Emma shrugs. “I don’t know. It might be nice to get out of Storybrooke for a little while. See the world. Clear my head.”

“I think it would be a great idea.” her father says, folding his arms against his chest. He smiles at her in a sappy-sweet way that makes her narrow her eyes.

“What?”

He goes to her and wraps his arm around her middle, leaving a kiss to the top of her head. “Nothing. I just love you. And I’m thankful for you. And for Henry.”

Emma’s heart swells at the words of encouragement and she watches him go back to the stove.

“More?” he offers.

“No, thanks. Maybe after.”

It turns out that _everyone_ has decided to treat her with special care and attention.

Her mom gives her a hug and offers to make her lunch, while Nana gives her a warm embrace before promising she’ll keep good care of Henry while she’s out today. Charlie and Hannah offer her words of encouragement, and it’s then that she realizes: somehow, they found out.

“Okay, who figured it out?” she asks as she stands at the door with her hat in her hands.

“Figured what out, sweetie?” her mom asks.

“That Killian was here last night and he left never to return again?”

She watches her family members fake their shock, all but her father, who sighs and holds up his hand.

“It was me. I saw him leave.”

Emma nods. “Right. Okay, so since you all know, I should just tell you that we kissed last night and I let him stay the night here because he had nowhere else to go. And I don’t regret it, but… I don’t know, maybe it _was_ a mistake.”

“Oh, Emma,” her mother grabs for her arm.

She looks around the room and frowns thoughtfully, “Does anyone know what happened to that envelope in my room? Hannah, did you move it last night?”

Hannah shakes her head. “No, I didn’t touch it.”

“Weird.”

“What was it?” Charlie wonders.

“I… got my match result.” Emma shrugs. “I hadn’t opened it up. I was kind of waiting for the right time.”

“Huh. I haven’t seen it.”

All of her family members nod in agreement. Emma sighs. “Alright. Maybe I just misplaced it somehow. I’ll look for it later tonight.” Turning to her mother, she lifts her eyebrows, “Ready to go, Mom?”

“Yes. Let’s. I have the _best_ craft to do with the kids today. You can help if you want.”

///

Their offices are located on the tenth floor of a building populated primarily by financial firms and law practices.

He and Liam used to share an office space, the one beside their father’s, and now that Liam’s gone, Killian feels as if the silence could eat him alive. It’s probably a good thing that they hardly spent time here, and he doesn’t have to now.

To decorate his desk, he brought in the Storybrooke snow globe Charlie and Hannah gave him, and his most prized possession: the ship in the bottle from Emma and Henry.

He stares at them for a few minutes and thinks fondly on that day, knowing it had been once in a lifetime.

On his computer, he’s pulled up Emma’s Instagram page, where he finds shots of her life in Storybrooke, as well as plenty of pictures and videos of Henry or Wilby doing adorable things.

One of her most recent posts is from Christmas, of the entire family gathered together in the living room.

They’re all sitting on the couch, laughing and wearing Santa hats, while Emma’s phone had sat across the room on a timer so she could be in the picture too. To that end, she has her arms flailed outward while she scrambled to sit on the couch beside him, and he looks like an idiot because he’s trying to make sure she doesn’t fall.

The picture makes him smile remembering it all, but not as much as the next picture set he clicks on from their adventures in the barn.

In one of the pictures, he’s grimacing humorously while extending an apple to one of the horses. In the following, he’s got Henry in his arms, flying him in to pet the horse. He’s surprised to find a video, but even more delighted that he does.

Henry’s standing on his own beside him in front of the chicken coop all bundled up and sweetly innocent.

“What’s that, Henry?” Emma asks from behind the phone.

He looks up at her and then at Killian and points. “Cheep cheep!”

“Cheep cheep?” Killian asks in the video while Emma laughs softly.

“Cheep cheep!” Henry exclaims, bouncing on his feet a little.

“Do you mean chickens?” Emma wonders.

“Cheep cheep!”

Killian in the video laughs and looks back at Emma. “Come on, Mummy, they’re cheep cheep, not chickens.”

Emma laughs happily. “Right. I’m sorry.”

She cuts the video off and then it loops, allowing him the ability to see the moment all over again with a dumb grin on his face.

After a few more minutes, he stops scrolling through her account and decides that he misses her and her boy all too much, even though it’s barely been a day.

Before he goes to one of their harbor shops, he decides to stop in with his father. The door is open, and Brennan is sitting at his desk, back turned to the door.

He knocks gently, prompting his father to turn around. He smiles at him kindly.

“Killian. Come in, son.”

Killian does as he’s told, closing the door behind him. He goes to the chair across from his father and takes a seat.

“I was just texting Liam.” Brennan says. “He says they’re getting ready to go tonight. I guess their flight’s in the morning.”

Killian nods. “She makes him very happy. I’m glad they found each other.”

Brennan frowns. “I thought you wanted to stop them from being together. At least that’s what you said before you left.”

Sighing, Killian runs his fingers through his hair. “I thought. Then I met… everyone.” His stomach flips. “I miss them terribly.”

Frowning deeper, his father looks down at the desk with a tentative nervousness. “Why did you leave?”

Killian thinks about it and shakes his head. “I… Liam’s gone, so I need to be here. The company’s in our names. It’s our responsibility.”

His father stares at him thoughtfully, a worried crease forming in his forehead in an almost uncharacteristic fashion.

“I learned this far too late,” Brennan says seriously, “that if you miss something, if you miss _someone_ in particular, you need to be there. You can’t miss _this_ , Killian. This _business_. I know you don’t.”

For maybe the first time, Brennan’s words make more sense than they ever have.

“Whoever she is, she’s important to you,” he adds gently, his voice low and fatherly. “Please, don’t make the mistake I made. I regret it every day I’m breathing. Leaving you, all three of you, I was misguided and wrong.”

Killian feels tears burn behind his eyes as a lump forms in his throat. He grits his teeth. “You don’t show it.”

“I know,” he sighs heavily, “and I know you have no reason to listen to me. I can be difficult and cruel.” He clamps his eyes shut for a second. “I realized at the wedding for the first time that maybe it’s for the better that you boys grew up without me there to ruin you. You’re both _incredibly_ good and you deserved a world without me in it.”

Killian gives him a look. “I’m not good-”

“Yes, you are,” Brennan insists. “I don’t deserve you in my life. Neither of you. I’m ashamed of the way I’ve treated you.”

Killian’s stomach clenches and he feels his heart soften at the honesty in his father’s eyes.

“When you’re young, you imagine a perfect life with the perfect person and the perfect job and children. You never imagine that you’ll end up being a monster in the eyes of everyone around you.” Brennan says with a familiar self-depreciation he’s heard in his own voice.

Killian finds himself staring down at his own lap, unsure of how to process all of what his father’s telling him. It seems to him that he’s being honest this time, suddenly understanding just how badly he’s messed up, and Killian knows exactly how that feels.

“I wanted to make you proud,” Killian admits. Nervously, he looks up. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I signed on to control the company in your leave. I thought you weren’t proud of me and that’s why you didn’t love me and it’s why you left us, so I threw myself into everything you said I should. Even if I cursed you and hated every second of it. I thought if I could make you proud, you’d love me. For real.”

Brennan leans back slightly, as if taken aback. He shakes his head. “Oh, Killian. No, no.” He pushes off of his chair and moves around the desk to meet him, eye to eye, kneeling at his side. “You make me proud because you’re my son. I _love you_ because you’re my son.”

His father’s eyes water as a smile finds his lips.

“You have no idea, how proud I am of you.” He says, shaking his head. “You’re strong and brave. You’re smart as a whip.” He smiles wider. “And your heart is much kinder than mine. I know I’ve messed up as your father and as a man, but… you make me hopeful for my future. That maybe one day, I could be half the man you are.”

He feels a tear run down his cheek at his father’s well-intentioned words. He looks down, sniffling, and shakes his head once.

“Her name is Emma,” he says, meeting Brennan’s eyes, “she’s the one you met at the wedding.”

He nods, smiling a little. “I remember her. She’s beautiful.”

Killian’s chest tightens. “Aye.” He says softly. “I’m afraid I’ve messed it all up. Coming here. She’s been abandoned before-”

“Go to her,” Brennan insists. “I’ll be fine. This is where I belong. She’s where you belong.”

Killian hesitates. He runs a hand over his head. “What if she won’t take me after what I’ve done?”

His father takes a deep breath. “Then you’ll have to face that moment when it comes.”


	18. Chapter 18

eighteen

The cold night air clings to Emma as she steps into Granny’s Diner for one last meal with her best friend. The warmth presses nicely against her cheeks and fills her lungs in a deep breath she takes in preparation for the time to come.

Elsa sits in the back corner, already smiling sadly in anticipation for the time to follow this final night. With a twinge of bittersweet sadness in her chest, Emma approaches and plucks her gloves from her hands in order to press them into one of the pockets of her coat.

“Emma, I can’t believe this is it for six whole months!”

Elsa stands up in time to hug her at the head of the table and Emma frowns as her eyes squeeze shut at the tightness of their embrace. “I know! I don’t want you to go!”

When they part, they slip easily into their seats as if this were any other night and Emma removes her coat. She can’t help but see the gift in the spot beside Elsa, something that makes her slump her shoulders.

“Elsa, I didn’t know we were doing gifts. I would have gotten you something. Like… a Storybrooke snow globe or something.”

Elsa laughs. “No, it’s okay. It’s just a little something and… well, here, open it.”

Emma eyes her friend warily for a moment before accepting the small package. She opens it to find a ticket to Greenland. 

“It’s so you can come visit me on my birthday.” Elsa explains as she looks up at her with a quirked eyebrow. Her companion sighs, “Because I’m selfish and want you to come to Greenland on my birthday.”

Emma laughs. “Well, I guess I have no excuse to miss it, huh?” 

Elsa shrugs giddily. “Guess so!”

Ruby comes to take their orders, and once she leaves, Emma presses a hand to the table. 

“So I got my soulmate match in the mail.” Emma says.

Elsa’s eyes widen. “You _did_? And you didn’t call me to tell me their name? Emma, we could have looked him up a dozen times by now.” 

“No, I couldn’t  because it went missing before I could open it!” Emma gasps. “And none of my family says they even looked at it. So I have no clue. It cost me a lot of money, too.” She shakes her head and nibbles on her lower lip as she playfully says, “Maybe Wilby ate it?”

Elsa laughs in a way that makes Emma already miss her friend and these talks at Granny’s. “I doubt that.” 

Emma rolls her eyes. “I’m not going to stress about it. I’m just going to keep living my life and hope whoever it is finds me.”

It doesn’t make her the happiest person in the world, knowing she’d had her soulmate’s name sitting in her bedroom and she refused to open it because she was still working up the courage. 

But at the same time, Killian being gone hasn’t even really settled in yet. Part of her thinks he’ll show up to dinner at the house with that stupid smirk and practiced charm that has her mother and grandmother wrapped around his fingers.

He’s a good man, despite the way his leaving made her feel. He had the right reasons for it and she knows he’s living his best life even if it’s not with her like she’d felt so sure it was when she kissed him just barely a day ago. 

“You’re back to square one.” Elsa says, shaking her head slowly. “I think that’s great. I’m happy for you.”

“Well, it’s not like they’re just going to walk into the diner and hand me a piece of paper that says, ‘it’s me’.” Emma shakes her head. She straightens out and smiles a little. “I’m going to go with Nana on her trip. I decided this morning. It’ll give me a chance to clear my mind.” 

Elsa’s eyes widen and she gasps, “Oh, that will be so much fun.”

“I hope so.” Emma agrees. She glances down at the table for a second, thinking about the weight that still sits on her shoulders because she never really got a chance at _trying_ with Killian. “So, how’s Liam and being married?” 

“It’s wonderful.” Elsa smiles. “I lucked out. Not only is he handsome, but he’s very tidy so I don’t have to worry about him leaving his clothes everywhere.”

Emma chuckles. “No, but he’ll have to worry about your messes.” 

Elsa shrugs. “It’s a give and take, Emma, what can I say?”

They both laugh and fall quiet again, a pleasant feeling settling in the silence. She’ll miss Elsa more than anything, but this is going to be so good for her to go to Greenland with her husband. Besides, they still have Skype and email and everything in between, and she’s apparently going to visit her on her birthday too. 

“What am I going to do without you?” Emma asks, shaking her head on a sigh. “Who will I come to with all of my stories about the farm?”

Elsa lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know! I’m absolutely heartbroken I have to leave you here all by yourself. I’ll miss all of the hot gossip.” 

Emma chuckles lightly. “Like how Graham flirts with Mayor Mills, but only when he’s super drunk?”

“And then somehow mistook her for me,” Elsa sighs wistfully. “I will never forget it. I will never live it down.” 

Emma can’t help but giggle even more at the memory.

From somewhere behind her, the bell above the door tinkles and Elsa’s jaw falls open. “Well, I don’t want to point out the dramatic irony here, but…”

Frowning, she turns just in time to find Killian Jones standing at the head of the table, looking breathless as ever and freezing cold. He squats down beside her as she barely says his name aloud. 

A smile finds his lips. “Hey.”

Emma shakes her head slowly. “How are you… why…” 

Killian reaches into his pocket and removes a white envelope. “I… feel awful about this, but I stole your mail.”

“What?” He sets the paper into her hand and she sees the from address. Slowly, she looks up at him. “Why?” 

Killian’s expression softens and she sees tears gather in his eyes. “I thought I would be protecting you.”

“From my soulmate?” she asks, shaking her head in confusion. 

“In a sense.”

Emma narrows her eyes. “Wh-” 

“After sledding on Christmas, I accidentally saw your mark,” he admits quietly. “I…”

He doesn’t continue, instead looking down like a child about to be disciplined. “Emma-” 

She figures the only way she’ll get a straight answer is if she opens the mail, no matter how badly it scares her. He’s already torn it open, so the paper comes out easily.

Her eyes dart around the page for a moment before they land on the most important section: 

**Match Name:** Killian Jones

Immediately, her heart skips a frantic beat and her fingers get clammy with nervousness. 

She understands why he’d keep it from her now, with his decision to go with his father, to abandon her after she put it all out on the line for him.

Tears of relief and confusion find her eyes and she looks up at him. “Killian.” 

“What I did was wrong,” he admits with the most grieved expression, “I hope you can forgive me, Emma. I’ve come back this time to be with you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize. I just…” He sighs heavily. “I was afraid of losing my old life, but it was nothing to how terrified I was of losing you. All of you- your family included.”

“You gave it up to be with me?” she asks, eyes narrowed. 

“Aye.” He grimaces. “I know, it’s not anything for you to forgive straight away. I should have just quit while I was here and never abandoned you.” He closes his eyes and sighs. “But I needed to go back because I needed to close that chapter before we could start ours. You have to know that I didn’t believe I could find anyone else… until I met you.”

Any frustration she’d felt fades and instead, she feels hope and joy in the racing rhythm of her heartbeat. He left, yes, but he came back. Again and again, _he came back._

Emma sets the paper aside and presses her tongue against her lips briefly.

“Killian.” 

He stares at her like a man pleading for his life, the furrow in his deepening with each word he speaks, “When I win your heart, Emma-”

“Killian,” she laughs. 

He looks up at her with the softest expression, still incredibly repentant, and she reaches out for his cheek. Her thumb brushes against his scar, a little thing she knows she’ll spend hours memorizing in the time to come.

“You came back to me.” 

He searches her eyes. His voice breaks ever so slightly, “Can you ever forgive me?”

The desperation he displays is something she feels burning in her chest, knowing full well that saying _yes_ now means an eternity with the man her heart continues to long for- _her soulmate_. 

With her heart in her throat, she nods and whispers, “Yes.”

At her insistence, he presses upward and easily finds her lips, his happy laughter infectious. They break apart, eyes meeting, and she runs her fingers up the nape of his neck to find his hair. 

She doesn’t know if she’s ever been this happy before in her whole life.

His eyes shine brightly and she just _knows_ that everything is how it was always supposed to be. He’s _here_. 

Abruptly, Killian seems to realize where they are and looks over at her counterpart with an incredibly apologetic tone. “Sorry, Elsa, I didn’t mean to interrupt your last meal before you’re off.”

He stands back, something that makes Emma want to grab him and pull him back into her again. She _misses_ him, even though he’s right here with her. 

Her friend has her hands clasped against her chest, admiring both of them with shimmering eyes. “It’s _totally_ okay.”

Emma laughs along with Elsa, for a completely different reason. She grabs the envelope and letter, giving it another look with disbelief. 

He’s _hers_. Like, _officially_ _hers_. Even past her deep desire to have him in her life, _hers_.

She looks up at him, her soulmate, the man she aches to be with from the very core of herself. He stares right back at her and all she can see is a future in his smile and the creases beside his blue eyes. 

“I’ll go,” he finally says, smiling at Elsa. “I… should find Liam.”

Disappointment sinks into the pit of her belly, but she knows he shouldn’t just stay here. It is her and Elsa’s last evening at Granny’s for six months after all, and he sort of showed up uninvited to drop the soulmate news on her- news that makes her insides practically jump for joy at the thought. 

He’s gone before she gets a chance to say anything, instead leaving her with a bright smile and a, “Text me when you’re free, alright?”

Emma turns ahead, staring at the paper before folding it up and staring at Elsa instead. Her friend shakes her head. 

“Go. I know you want to. He’s too polite to interrupt the whole night, but you’re _soulmates_ , Emma. This needs to be celebrated. Wildly. Right now.”

Emma hesitates. “No, it’s fine. It’s our special last meal together.” 

Elsa gives her a hard look. “Emma Ruth Nolan, I swear if you don’t go after him, I’ll bring him back myself. _Go_.”

She closes her eyes briefly on a laugh. “Fine. I’ll go. I’ll be there tomorrow morning to help, though.” 

With a calm and kind nod, Elsa says, “That’s perfect.”

Quickly, she slides her coat and hat on, grabbing the rest of her things before she leaves the table and heads toward the door. 

Killian’s standing at the entryway of Granny’s patio area, with his back turned to her and his gaze set on the stars. He’s not moving, maybe because he’s caught up with himself and needs a minute to collect himself.

She lets out a breath, a puff of white air populating the space before her, and then she jogs up to him and stops beside him. As if sensing her presence, he looks down at her. 

“So. Soulmates.” Emma says, offering him a wry look. “Guess you can have two after all.”

Killian smiles at her sweetly. “Aye.” 

Not wanting to make a scene, but also wanting to pounce on him and never stop kissing him, she settles for taking his hand in hers. Easily, their fingers align and fold against each other.

Her breath catches and she gestures toward her car. “Come on.” 

Together, they walk in a companionable silence to her car. After climbing inside, she starts the engine to get the heat running and turns to him.

Part of her feels like a giddy teenager finally having gotten alone with a boy she likes. Having spent much of her life waiting for this day to come even if it was on a deep subconscious level, she thinks it’s probably forgivable. 

Not willing to wait any longer, she leans over the center console and cups his cheek as he does the same to her. Their lips meet in a heated frenzy, both of them desperate and terribly grateful that they’ve found each other and that the timing is _right_.

When they finally stop kissing, they bump noses, foreheads touching. 

“I wanted to be with you before I knew,” she whispers. “Just so we’re clear.”

Killian meets her eyes and smiles slightly. “I know.” 

Emma sighs and pulls at his hair that’s caught between her fingers. “Let’s get married in two days.”

Killian stares at her for a second as if he believes she’s being serious, but then catches on, laughing as she does too. 

“It’s the only way to do it, of course.”

Smiling, she kisses him again, and this time, she moves away when she’s done, staring at him with as much affection as he stares at her. 

“Let’s go home.”

Killian nods. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an: Here it is! The very very end! I am so thankful for all of you readers! You’ve made this last story one to remember with your kind words and encouragement. I hope you enjoy this overly fluffy epilogue as final closure to this sweet little verse.
> 
> I know it’s been super fast updating so it’s all done now and safe to binge for those who have been waiting it all out! haha
> 
> I love you all more than all the stars in the sky <3

epilogue **  
**

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

One of the best parts of the year is summer, where the sun sets later, the air is warm, and the stars shine their brightest. It’s made even better this year because Killian has a boat that they take out on the weekends.

Emma sits on the porch steps of the farmhouse with Killian at her side one summer night while they watch Henry run around with Wilby in the grass in front of them.

He’s _two_ now, and with the age comes exploration of all sorts, keeping them on the edge at all times. She can hardly believe how fast he’s growing.

The sun hasn’t quite set yet, providing the scene a warm glow, made even warmer when Emma leans her head against Killian’s shoulder and wraps her hand around his well-toned arm.

Killian turns slightly to kiss her head and she smiles softly because of the tenderness of the moment all collaborating in her chest to provide just the _perfect_ feeling.

It’s been a long six months since they decided to make a serious go at a relationship. Grueling, difficult, but exciting and beautiful just the same.

Having barely known him when they decided to jump headfirst into this, it wasn’t as if she could immediately fall into his arms and believe that they’d be alright.

He was gone a lot the first few weeks dealing with the business and getting things settled so he could work from here, and when he finally came to her again, she was afraid that they were fooling themselves. She pushed him away, but he came back time and again, relentlessly pursuing her in spite of the fear both of them feel.

She’s proud of how far they’ve come in six months, though. Proud that she gets to have him and claim him as her own. Proud of the father he’s become for Henry. Proud of how hard he works to provide for them.

“Do you want to go stargazing tonight?” he asks lowly. “Just the two of us?”

Emma hums. It’s well overdue, and after a day like she’s had, she’s desperate for time away from the farmhouse.

“Sure.”

He kisses her head again and she gives her attention to her son, who slows down and plops down in the middle of the grass. Wilby, confused, pushes him with his nose.

“Looks like he’s crashed.” Emma chuckles.

“Dada,” Henry cries out.

Killian sighs and Emma removes her hands from his arm as he says, “That’s my cue.”

He hoists himself up off of the porch and she watches with a full heart as he moves toward the small boy.

“You tired, buddy?” Killian asks. Henry holds his arms up in the air but makes no move to do more than that, so Killian has to squat down to grab him. He kisses Henry’s cheek. “Alright. Let’s get you inside then, my boy.”

Emma stands up and watches them walk toward her, smiling softly. Wilby comes rushing up the steps first, followed by her boys. She opens the screen door leading inside, where her mother works diligently in the kitchen to clean up after dinner.

“He all tired out?” she asks.

“Mm,” Killian brushes a kiss against Henry’s forehead. “Say goodnight to Grandma, Henry.”

Henry refuses to say anything, instead remaining firmly curled into him as if his life depends on it.

Emma laughs softly. “Come on. Upstairs.”

Together, they get Henry ready for bed, something Killian has become the complete master of.  The routine consists of a bath, which Henry usually likes a little too much but not tonight, followed by cuddles in bed as one of them reads him to sleep.

Tonight, Killian sits at the foot of the bed with Wilby as Emma holds her son in her arms and flips through the pages of one of his favorite books. Henry dozes off fast tonight, tired from running around and playing with Wilby, which makes tucking him into bed easy too.

Emma switches off the lights and turns to Killian, smiling a little. “You ready?”

He flashes her a bright smile in return. “Aye. More than.”

It really is the perfect night. Warm air, cool breeze, and the stars beginning to shine against the dark sky.

They often go stargazing after dinner, sometimes with Henry in tow if he’s still wide awake and won’t fall asleep. It’s one of her favorite things to do with Killian, because he’s a total astronomy nerd.

She holds his hand as they walk toward the pickup truck. She catches him looking at her and rolls her eyes, smiling as she asks, “What?”

“You’re pretty.”

No matter how serious they’ve gotten, or how long they’ve been together, it still makes her heart skip a beat when he does this kind of thing.

Killian drives up past the house, through the path they’ve created driving out to what he claims is the best spot on the farm for stargazing, and as soon as they arrive, she climbs out of the truck before he can catch up with her.

“It’s a lovely night for stargazing, isn’t it?” he asks, tilting his head back to look at the sky.

He grabs a lantern from the truck bed so they’ll be able to see each other and flicks it on while Emma puts out the blanket.

Emma flashes him an honest, slightly tired, smile. “Yeah.”

Together, they lie down side-by-side, their hands entwined while they stare at the stars.

She knows without even looking or thinking that they’re lying with their marks facing each other, like they always do without thought. She wonders if it’s something all soulmates do, or if it’s just a funny coincidence.

“Where are our stars?” Emma asks. She turns her head to look at him and he chuckles.

“Ah… they’re…” Killian searches the sky for a few seconds and then points, tracing the outline of the Cygnus. “Right here.” A slow smile spreads on his face. “Here we are.”

Emma hums happily after she follows the pattern he makes with his fingers.

Even though she stares at the stars, she thinks about him. He’s far, far more than she could’ve ever dreamed. It’s wonderful in just about every way. He challenges her, and she likes to think she challenges him too.

It took a while for him to convince her to allow him to stay at the house, but after a few nights in the spring where she was sick with a flu while her parents were away for the weekend, she caved completely.

She remembers how completely heroic he was staying up all night with her as if it were yesterday, holding her hair back and feeding her even when she didn’t want to eat.

He’d had to watch Henry, too, something that she thinks must have brought them close. The entire night had been misery, but he made it better by just _being there_. She knew she loved him then, but had waited a lot longer to admit it.

“What did you do today?” Emma asks, turning to look at him under the dim glow of their lantern light.

He sighs. “Woke up very early.”

She hums a laugh. “Yes. You definitely did.”

When his alarm went off, she _may_ have attempted to entice him to stay in bed by curling her leg over his, but she also may have fallen asleep before she could do any further enticing.

“I helped your father in the barn,” Killian says, lifting their joined hands briefly, “then I went into town and worked on the shop. Called Liam. He’s told me he’s coming home soon.”

“Oh, good,” Emma murmurs.

She hasn’t heard from Elsa in a few days, probably because her time there is winding to an end and they have a lot of things they need to finalize.

Killian smiles. “Aye. Hopefully when he’s back, we can get the shop opened up here.”

He and his father have a mending relationship. Some days it’s good, but some days she listens to him vent for an hour about another ridiculous thing he said or did. Regardless, he’s been the most helpful in Killian’s plans of opening a shop in Storybrooke.

Once or twice, he’s come into town just to see how things were going. She was able to meet him then, properly, and get a good feel for who he is. He seems interested in being in their lives moving forward, so she’s willing to put effort in with him, too.

“What have you done today?” Killian asks after a few minutes lying there in silence.

“I spent the whole day working on the mural,” Emma sighs heavily. “Whose idea was it to do this in the summer, again?”

Killian laughs. Emma presses her hand over her eyes, and arches her back slightly as she stretches her muscles. She’s completely exhausted, as she is pretty much nightly lately.

Mayor Mills had commissioned her to paint a mural on the wall beside the diner against the patio after seeing some of her work hanging up in the shop.

It’s been about a month since she was given the task. Weeks of planning from sketches and mockups and canvases must have driven Killian up the wall, especially when it came time to choose colors for each figure in the mural. But he’s always supported her, no matter what he really thinks.

“It’s incredible,” Killian tells her honestly, turning onto his side. He releases her hand after she turns toward him and settles his palm instead on her hip as he slides closer to her.

Emma pulls her hand off of her face and smiles weakly at him. “It’s not even done.”

“Darling, it’s going to be bloody magnificent when it’s done, but for now, it’s just incredible.”

She laughs through her nose and with a slightly scratchy voice, she says, “Thanks, Killian.”

“Everything you do is wonderful, Emma.”

Leaning his forehead against hers, he breathes her in deeply. She curls her fingers inward gently and presses her hands against his chest. There’s something so special about being with him, the one she was made for, beneath the stars.

After a few seconds lying like this, Killian clears his throat softly and leans away. He smiles at her. “Hey. I have… I’ve got something to talk to you about.”

Emma frowns curiously as he shifts so he’s sitting upright. She follows his lead and sits up beside him.

“Is it bad?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head, laughing a little. “I mean, I hope not.”

He takes a steadying breath. “Emma, I love you,” he says, “I spent a lot of my life without believing I could ever have a love like this, but when I met you, everything changed.”

Realization hits her in a wave. He’s _proposing_.

It isn’t as if she hadn’t seen this coming. Of course she has. They’re soulmates. They’re in love. But she’s surprised anyway, and she can hardly keep herself from containing the emotion that rises up inside of her.

It’s so _right_. Being with him is so, _so_ right.

Emma smiles softly at him as he continues, “I know that we’re not perfect, and that there are things you’re still afraid of- I’m afraid of them too.” Her heart skips a heavy beat as tears well up in her eyes. “But there’s one thing that I want you to be certain of.”

Bravely, he reaches into his pocket and removes a ring, confirming her suspicions and making her lower lip wobble. She keeps her eyes on him, wanting to hear the rest of what he has to say because this is a moment she never wants to forget.

“I will always, always be by your side.” Killian promises, holding her watery gaze tight. “So, Emma Nolan, what do you say? Will you marry me?”

She smiles wider and nods quickly. “Yes.”

With a breath of relief, he takes her left hand and presses the ring down past her knuckle. Looking back up, he laughs breathlessly with her, and she eagerly grabs his face for a kiss.

She presses her nose against his when they’re through, both of them out of breath in the best way.

Her fingers curl at the nape of his neck and she whispers, “I love you more than all the stars in the sky, Killian Jones.”

“And I, you.”

///

Maybe the second best thing about the summer are the nights spent sitting out by the fire pit with the smoke giving the air a rich smell.

Her parents like to sit opposite she and Killian on nights like these, after they’ve had dinner on the porch and Henry’s getting just a little sleepy. Her son rests in his grandfather’s arms, resting his cheek against his shoulder while he keeps a watchful eye on the crackling flame.

Wilby sits on the ground beside Emma, his tail moving slowly back and forth as he takes a much-needed break from all of the excitement of the day.

Emma, meanwhile, rests her head against Killian’s shoulder while he wraps an arm around her and holds her tight.

Their engagement is still very much a blissful secret, something she’s delighted in for a little over a week now. She hadn’t wanted to tell her family because of the simple fact that they’re still living with them, knowing full well that her father will insist on them moving out the moment they make their announcement.

“So, I have some news,” Killian says, shifting uncomfortably. “Ah… Emma and I, actually.”

Her mother’s once quiet stare turns surprised and bright. “Oh?”

Killian looks at Emma and she gives him a cautious look. He just smiles back at her as if everything has never been more right.

“We’re engaged.” Killian says with a warm inflection to his tone, as warm as the fire that flickers between them and her parents.

Emma smiles back at him and closes her eyes when he kisses her forehead. They turn back to her parents together and Emma holds up her left hand to show off the ring.

“Oh!” her mother gasps. “Emma! Killian!” She smiles wobbily and clasps her hands together over her chest. “Engaged!”

Emma laughs. “Yes. I know, it’s only been six months, but…” She looks up at her fiancé and searches his eyes. “It’s right.”

He nods. “Aye. It most certainly is.”

“That’s amazing!” her father beams at them. “I’m so happy for you both.”

Emma’s mother comes over to them, effectively separating them while she embraces Killian and then Emma. She looks into Emma’s eyes after and she sees that they’ve become glassy with tears.

“What did I tell you?”

Emma shakes her head minutely. “You were right.”

Her heart so full, Emma pulls her mother in for a tighter hug. She shuts her eyes and fills her lungs twice before letting go.

“So we have a wedding to plan!” her mother says, setting herself back down across from them. “Do you want to have it anywhere special?”

Emma takes Killian’s hand and sucks in a heavy breath. “Actually, I was kind of thinking we’d do it here. On the farm. Where we fell in love.”

Killian applies pressure to her hand and she looks up at him with a smile. He smiles in turn, a gentle thing. “That sounds perfect, to be honest.”

“Done and done,” her father says proudly. “We can have the reception in front of the house and the wedding itself out by those trees you like so much.”

“I should see if I still have my wedding dress,” her mother says thoughtfully, “I think it’s in storage, but you’d look beautiful in it, Emma.”

Her chest swells with happiness. “Yeah, okay.”

She had _not_ thought this would be the way things would go upon telling her parents about their engagement, but it makes her happy, because she knows they don’t disapprove of her relationship with Killian.

“This morning on my way into town, I noticed a for sale sign on the land beside ours,” her father casually mentions, “it’s got a little farmhouse on it. I think the barn burned down a while back, but it’s a nice place.”

And here it is, Emma thinks. She looks at Killian, who lifts his eyebrows at her father.

“Oh, yeah? Hm.” He turns his attention to her. “Do you have any interest in owning a farm with me, Emma?”

She laughs, closing her eyes as she punches his side playfully. “Only if you build me a barn so we can have animals.”

“Deal.” Killian says with all seriousness.

Emma tilts her head to the side. “Really?”

“Well, we’re already pushing it living here,” Killian shrugs, “Henry should really have his own bedroom.”

What he doesn’t say is that they should have their own, but he certainly tells her with the way his lips part and he drags his tongue against his lower lip.

“You’re right,” Emma nods. “We should go take a look.”

“Gold’s selling the property,” her father says, hoisting himself up out of his chair with a now sleeping boy in his arms. “He’ll probably give you a hassle, but if you remind him that he owes me for two summers ago, he might lessen up.”

Emma narrows her eyes. “What happened two summers ago?”

Her father gives them a wry look. “Nothing. It’s a really good story, but I have to put my grandson to bed. Put the fire out when you’re coming inside for the night.”

She looks to her mother, who stands and grabs the blanket that she’d had on her lap before following her father.

“I’m so happy for you,” she says giddily as she passes them by. “Congratulations again.”

“Thanks.”

///

As Emma prepares for bed, she ponders wedding details and comes to the horrible conclusion that if she wants to get married in the summer, either they’ll have to wait a year, or do it within the next few months.

It’s not that she wants to rush it, but getting married sooner rather than later has its benefits, like not having to wait and being allowed the gift of calling her soulmate her husband within the next few weeks or months.

She brushes her teeth and flosses, something she’s picked up since Killian’s started living with her. He insists that it’s crucial to dental hygiene and he’s always asking if she does it, so to appease his desire that she floss, she does, and in return, he makes the bed and folds their laundry.

It’s basically like they _are_ married, she muses after tossing the floss. She examines her teeth briefly and then sighs, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

Tomorrow will be another long day at the mural.

It’s almost finished, but she’s a perfectionist where it comes to this sort of thing, so she’ll probably take three more days to get it all the way done. Mayor Mills has been breathing down her neck about it, worried that it won’t be done in time for the big Summer Festival.

Emma’s tank top rides upward after she leans down to collect her discarded clothes and she catches a brief glance at the bottom of her collection of unique spots.

On a tiny smile, she decides to peel it back all the way so she can see it again.

It’s identical to Killian’s. Sometimes, they lie together side-by-side, and press their spots together just to confirm that they’re indeed matches. She can remember the first time they did it vividly, because she couldn’t stop giggling and Killian was so gentle when he touched her side, as if she’d break.

There’s a gentle tap against the bathroom door before it inches open and he steps inside. It’s too small for both of them, something they’d decided a long while ago, but she doesn’t mind it right now, because she’s thinking so fondly about him that she practically misses him.

“Well, hello,” he murmurs lowly. “Fancy meeting you here.”

He lifts his eyebrow at the sight of her exposed skin and his lips curl in a devilish smirk while he slides his palm against her side over her mark. His lips press against hers in an open-mouthed kiss and she sighs shakily when he moves his lips against her cheek down toward her ear.

“Killian,” she sighs, “Henry is asleep in the next room.”

His teeth nibble against her flesh and tug at her earlobe.

“Some nights I curse this living situation,” he laments while resting his nose against her neck.

Emma reaches behind his head and runs her fingers through his hair. She feels butterflies swell in her belly at his words and she hums.

“We definitely need a house before we get married.”

Killian hums. “We’ll look tomorrow.”

She shakes her head. “Can’t tomorrow. Busy painting.”

He kisses her jawline back to her lips, giving her a lingering moment of bliss before he pulls back.

“We’ll look tomorrow,” he says again. “I don’t care if it’s thirty minutes of your lunch and you’re eating. We’re getting out of here because we’re not living here any longer than necessary.”

Emma laughs and nods. “Okay. Let’s look tomorrow.” Nibbling on her lower lip, she lifts her eyebrow hesitantly, “How do you feel about getting married in September?”

“ _This_ September?” he asks. She nods once. A smile spreads on his face. “Yeah. Let’s do it. September. The farm. Henry in a little bow tie.”

She gets giddy at the thought. “And you and me slow dancing under the stars.”

“Mm. The more I think about it, actually…” he moves in closer to her, all dark eyes and smolder. “Tomorrow I’m free.”

She laughs. “You’re free, but I’m busy buying a house tomorrow.”

“Oh, so you think we’ll find something.” Killian teases brightly.

“Well, you’re determined.” Emma shrugs. “And when you’re determined, you get what you want.”

He sighs, “I did get you.”

With a softening gaze, she stares at him lovingly. “That you did.”

///

She’s covered with paint spots and standing back to look at the mural as it is currently when Killian wraps his arms around her from behind, effectively startling her so she squeaks aloud.

“Hey, beautiful.”

Emma turns around to face him and smacks his chest. “You’re the worst.”

“I am?” he asks, aghast. He looks down at Henry, who stands beside him. “Mummy thinks I’m the worst, lad.”

Henry scrunches his nose up. “No!”

Emma laughs softly, but eyes her fiancé. “What’s going on?”

Killian taps his wrist. “We’re going to visit a property or two. Henry’s hungry, though, so…”

“Right,” Emma nods. She squats down and holds out her arms. “C’mere, kiddo. You want a grilled cheese?”

Henry nods and eagerly jumps into her arms. She stands upright again and turns to look at her handiwork. “What do you think, Henry? Is it good? It’s not done yet, but it will be soon.”

Henry points his fingers at it and says, “Pwetty.”

Emma hums. She kisses his cheek. “You’ve been talking to Daddy about it, haven’t you?”

Meeting Killian’s eyes, he smirks back at her. “What? I think the boy just clearly has an eye for good art.”

She nods. “Right.”

Together, they go into the diner and order their food to-go at Killian’s urging. Apparently, they’re supposed to meet with the property owner of the place beside her parents’ within the next half hour.

After climbing into Killian’s truck, Emma helps Henry with his food and then has a few onion rings.

The path they take is the usual drive home, only when Killian reaches the farm gate, he keeps going. After a short distance, they come upon a for sale sign, and he takes a turn up a road she hasn’t driven before.

It’s wooded, a treeline that she recognizes from the perimeter of her parents’ land, but the woods soon give way and reveal a generous and beautiful acreage. But in the middle of it all, the centerpiece, is a cute little house with big windows and a wrap-around porch.

Emma sees a familiar car parked in the driveway, and a man stands outside, holding onto his cane while he faces the home.

“Wow,” Emma says. “This is a lot of land.”

“Aye,” Killian agrees, leaning forward to see more. He pulls the truck into a makeshift spot beside Gold’s car and stops the engine. He turns back to look at them. “You ready, love?”

Emma smiles softly and sticks the rest of her food in the bag. She helps Henry out of his carseat and allows him to keep eating while she carries him outside.

It’s even prettier than she’d thought staring at it from up close. The color of the house is a very soft yellow, with white trim, and the windows are all tall and wide, allowing sunlight to pour inside.

She can imagine a little garden along the side. Maybe a bed of flowers in the front to welcome visitors.

“Mr. Gold, thank you for meeting us,” Killian says in greeting.

The man turns to them with a smile. “Mr. Jones. Ms. Nolan. I worried you would forget.”

“No, no,” Killian assures him. “We’re in dire need of a place to live. Can we get a look inside? It’s gorgeous out here.”

“Of course.” Gold says, nodding his head. He steps away from his vehicle and walks up the steps of the porch. Killian and Emma follow suit. “The house was built in the eighties, but it’s been kept up to date. You’ll notice newer appliances and the like. I’ll let you take a peek without me hovering around you. If you’ve got questions, let me know.”

“Thanks so much.” Killian smiles back at the man.

Emma flashes him a soft grin before following her fiancé into the home.

It’s every bit as beautiful as she imagined it would be.

The entryway is big enough for space for a little cubby storage system for them to keep their shoes and coats. She can practically feel them living here already and they’ve barely set foot in the place.

It gives way to a staircase at the end and rooms to either side as they step inward. There’s an open air kitchen and dining area off of the living room, while on the opposite side of the house, a den is enclosed by white french doors.

“This could be my home office,” Killian suggests offhandedly. “Or yours.”

“We could share.” Emma teases.

They both laugh and keep their spirits high as they climb up the stairs.

Everywhere she looks, she can see a possibility for them living here. They could hang pictures on the walls and she could mark Henry’s heights as he grows older on one of the bathroom doorways.

All of the bedrooms are upstairs- all four of them.

“What would we do with _four_ bedrooms?” Emma asks. “ _Two_ for guests?”

Killian lifts a playful eyebrow. “Well, with our own bedroom and married life upon us, I think there’s a distinct possibility for children, don’t you?”

She feels a blush in her cheeks, silly as it is, thinking that they’ll get to experience having children together and letting them grow here.

Maybe the best part is their master bedroom, because it’s at least twice the size of the room they’re sleeping in at her parents house, and there’s plenty of light because there is a skylight in addition to the tall windows that look out on the property.

“Oh, look, we could put the bed here and maybe we could see our stars.” Emma says, pointing up for a moment before grabbing back onto Henry’s leg where it rests on her hip.

Killian, who had been peeking into the bathroom, steps out and looks up. “Now that would be something.”

He moves to stand beside her and after having another look around the room, she stares at him, waiting for him to say something else.

When he meets her gaze, he sighs. “Do you love this just as much as me or am I completely misreading your appraisal?”

Emma laughs. “I do love it. It’s pretty perfect.”

“Aye,” he nods. He looks at Henry briefly. “I could see us living here. Raising our family.”

An excited feeling bubbles up inside of her as if she were five years old and about to attend a carnival. She can’t help herself from smiling nervously.

“Are we going to buy the first house we’ve looked at?”

Killian lifts a shoulder. “We’ll have to see what Gold says about the price, but… yes, pretty much.”

She shakes her head. “Let’s do it.”

“Yeah?” he asks, just as breathless as she is.

“Yeah. I’m ready. Are you?”

“More than.”

///

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

There is no tangible way to describe how happy she is. Standing beneath the stars, with the glow of the lantern lights, the bass throbbing in her chest as she smiles up at her _husband_ and dances without rhyme or rhythm.

He’s holding her son, who wears a little suit, minus the coat and bow tie because he’d gotten a little hot during the ceremony, and he giggles happily while they seem to dance in complete slow motion.

Emma tries to memorize the happy creases by the sides of Killian’s eyes, and the way his laughter sounds when she takes Henry’s hands and swings them back and forth to the rhythm of the music.

All around her, friends and family have joined them in celebration of their special day.

Perfect doesn’t quite cover how wonderful everything was.

After turning her gaze to the sky, she finds the familiar constellation, a Cygnus, and lowers her attention to her husband again.

Emma settles her hand against Killian’s cheek and presses up onto her bare toes in the soft grass to kiss him soundly, her heart about to burst from her chest with joy.

When she pulls back, she grabs at his bared arm, his sleeves rolled up past his elbows so that he now rocks the white dress shirt with brown suspenders look, something she adores.

Their attention goes to Henry, just to kiss his cheeks and squeeze his fingers. They’re a _family_ , all three of them. Somehow, they found each other. It’s a miracle she’s been silently thankful for this whole day.

They find their seats when Henry tells them he wants to eat, and she helps with his grilled cheese. Glancing past her son, she finds Charlie sitting beside Liam and Brennan, laughing while they talk about something.

It makes her heart swell.

Hannah, her mother, and Nana, all gather together at another table. Hannah’s one of Emma’s bridesmaids, with Elsa being her Maid of Honor, something she’d taken _so_ seriously.

Currently, Elsa sits beside Henry, smiling at Emma when she meets her eyes.

“Elsa, everything is so perfect,” Emma says. “Are you having a good night?”

Elsa nods. “Yes. The most perfect.”

She feels Killian beside her, his arm falling away from the small of her back. He leans in close and kisses her cheek.

Before she knows it, he’s standing, tapping on his glass.

“If I could have everyone’s attention, I’d appreciate it.”

Everyone quiets down, turning their attention to her husband. Emma looks up at him, eyes slightly narrowed.

He smiles, looking down at her after a moment. “I wanted to just thank everyone for being here today. It means a lot to us.”

Emma nods in agreement.

“Ah… I also wanted to talk a little bit about the nature of soulmates. I know, it’s a touchy subject, but… coming from a skeptic, I think I might have an interesting perspective on it.”

Killian stares at her and Henry, his gaze softening. “When I was a teenager, I met someone who was my match. It was perfect in almost every way, up until the day she passed away six months after the fact.”

A hush falls over the crowd, sadness having tinted his tone.

“I didn’t believe I could fall in love after that. Not deeply. Not truly.” Killian shakes his head. “The idea of soulmates became as silly as a fairytale. I hated the idea of having a soulmate after what had happened. I thought she was it for me. Nothing could replace her in my heart.”

Killian’s jaw clenches and he pauses. “Nine months ago, I came to Storybrooke trying to stop Liam from proposing to and ultimately marrying his soulmate, Elsa.”

Some scattered laughter bounces up into the atmosphere.

“Aye. Silly, isn’t it? Married within a few days of arriving to town.” Killian shakes his head. “I practically didn’t try at all.”

Emma laughs this time, smiling up at him. He clears his throat.

“But what I didn’t know, coming here, was that I’d end up having to stay on this very farm, with the Nolan's during Christmas. All of us, jammed into this tiny farmhouse in the middle of winter.”

He tosses a hand up at the house behind them and smiles. “They showed me something I’d never really had before: a family. They took me in as one of their own and never asked questions. Even gave me gifts on Christmas day.”

He looks over at her parents, now standing together, arms around each other.

“One of the first conversations I’d had with Emma was about the validity of soulmates. How neither of us believed in them. We both had our reasons. And I know we weren’t looking for love, not desperately, but… every time I looked at her, I had a feeling. It pulled at me until I’d speak to her, and even then it was never enough. I felt like I was home. Finally, after years of searching I didn’t have to keep looking because I’d found what everything in life had led me towards.

“I’m finally home thanks to you, Emma.” Killian says softly. “You’re where I belong. Maybe that’s what a soulmate is; the place where your heart stops searching and just knows.”

She feels tears in her eyes at the words and manages to smile up at him while she takes his free hand and squeezes his fingers.

“So I’d like to invite us to raise a glass,” he says to everyone. “To soulmates.”

///

Emma holds onto Killian tight and rests her cheek against his shoulder while he does the same, his breath in her ear and his arm around her waist.

They’re slow dancing below the glow of the moon and the stars, with the grass in between her toes and her head spinning.

Emma leans away from him a little and admires him, her fingers going from where they’d rested on his shoulder to move a strand of hair away from his forehead.

“Did you know before you saw my mark?” she asks in a whisper.

Her husband doesn’t skip a beat, his affectionate stare kind. “Aye. I knew when you were showing me how to clean cow manure.”  

She can’t help herself from laughing, something that makes him chuckle warmly. She takes a breath and releases it heavily.

“Really?”

“I can’t go back now and change it and I wouldn’t.”

Emma hums. Suddenly all she sees is their future, so bright and full of love, and she can’t wait to share it with him. Her best friend, her true love, her soulmate.

“I love you. More than all the stars in the sky.” Emma says just loud enough for him to hear.

His smile matches hers. “I love you more than all the stars in the sky.”


End file.
